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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think drunk new parent is selfish

194 replies

Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 18:29

These are some friends of mine but wanted to know AIBU thinking this is selfish:
Both parents really do 50/50 , bottle feeding and what not. Dad works nights full time and mum works week times. And with one parents round the corner.
Baby is less that 2 months old (6 weeks I think ) and the mum went out drinking with friends and doesn't get back until 7am (thr grandmother looking after the baby whilst the dad is at work) but she has to go to work to.
SOOOOOO the dad is left there after a night shift having to look after a drunk/hungover woman and a new baby. I said to her I thought it was selfish and she had a big go at me about it ! I'm a new mum myself so it's not like I don't "get it "
Was I being unreasonable thinking she was selfish ?? Xxx

OP posts:
LoudestRoar · 03/01/2018 20:51

Really not seeing the issue, mum's are allowed nights out too!
Won't be surprised either if the Daily Fail picks up on this.....

expatinscotland · 03/01/2018 20:53

Mother doesn't breastfeed, goes out to work weeks after child born, goes out on the lash once (leaving child with its grandmother and then its father) . . . bingo yet?

Greggers2017 · 03/01/2018 20:54

It was my sisters hen do when my daughter was 15 days old. I had a blast and her dad looked after her. Don't see the issue.

moita · 03/01/2018 20:54

I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby at that age for long but had an easy birth and labour and was back at the gym when ds was 6 weeks. I got judged for that! Our gym was below our flat so I could go for an hour each night and it gave DH and DS bonding time each evening.

Not everyone needs long to recover after birth. As long as baby's looked after good luck to her.

ObscuredbyFog · 03/01/2018 20:59

she did it before the baby and why stop

Because, now, she is a parent and you have to put the baby's needs before your own.

What a thick stupid cow, she needs telling or needs SS on her case.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/01/2018 21:00

I don't think there's anything wrong with one parent having a night out, getting drunk and being hungover the next day provided their partner is really OK with it.

But I agree OP doing that it at 8 weeks without real agreement from the partner (and a promise to make it up somehow) is selfish.

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:00

Just googled “slattern” good grief Grin people actually still talk like that?! I note it’s a gender specific word, doubt there’s a male equivalent

I am totally comfortable at that description, in fact I embrace it, I need a baby name for (fingers crossed) new little squidge, and I think baby Slattern sounds perfect

Get over yourselves, new Mummy guilt is usually an unfair self evaluation, let’s not add to it from the outside!!

She had a night out, which was obviously a rare occurance as her OH (not sitter!) was surprised.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2018 21:00

Because, now, she is a parent and you have to put the baby's needs before your own.

What did the baby need that it’s other parent could not provide?

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:00

Because you see, you and the baby will SLEEP during the night. Unlike during the day where said baby is expected to be awake!!!

Fecking hilarious. Neither of mine slept for more than an hour at a time for two years. And I still had to go to work on that. Not many 6 week olds sleep though the night.

AccrualIntentions · 03/01/2018 21:01

If a man did this there would be calls for her to LTB.

MissTeri · 03/01/2018 21:01

What a thick stupid cow, she needs telling or needs SS on her case

You really think SS would be interested in a well cared for baby simply because the mother has a social life? Fucking hell no wonder SS is in crisis if people are calling them for this kind of bullshit. Give your head a wobble FFS! She's not the one who sounds like a 'thick stupid cow'.

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:04

What a thick stupid cow, she needs telling or needs SS on her case

Lol, well as a social worker I really wouldn't be interested in a mother having a night out and leaving the baby with their father. Not in the slightest. I'd probably make a few quiet judgements about you and your unpleasant language though.

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:05

AccrualIntentions

If a man did this there would be calls for her to LTB

No there wouldn’t, “wetting the baby’s head is culturally accepted when the man”

I agree staying out till 7am is a bit far fetched, but it’s hardly child abandonment when the “sitter” Angry was its grandparent, then father!

MissTeri · 03/01/2018 21:05

Get over yourselves, new Mummy guilt is usually an unfair self evaluation, let’s not add to it from the outside!! Not just new mummy guilt but mummy guilt in general! I never hear men complain of feeling guilty about having the occasional night out or any kind of social life. Women are made to feel guilty from birth for anything and everything by the kind of dickheads people on this thread. It's shameful.

Fatbergs · 03/01/2018 21:07

Well guys, I had my first night out five days after a section. I was itching to just be out and free. Judge away! I had a ball! Drank a couple of drinks and back home after two hours, its was amazing.

I can't be the only person for whom the sudden freedom and comparative independence was just delicious after nine months of being a very diligent pregnant mum!

Misswiggy · 03/01/2018 21:08

Meaning of Slattern:untidy, slovenly woman. Slut/prostitute.

I left my baby to go out for a few bevvies at 2 weeks old so if that makes me a slattern... Well, OK Maybe the first bit yeah, alrIght i sometimes leave the dishes till the next day but the second bit? Woah!

Grin
Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:08

MissTeri - good point, DD1 (20) is visiting, last night I pretended to fall asleep because I couldn’t face another evening of conversation about bloggers or the “social impact of XYZ ... “ I feel like a right bitch now!

Strokethefurrywall · 03/01/2018 21:08

It's threads like these that remind me that women aren't just battling men for equality, but actually other women at the same time.

Where else can you tear apart another mother for behaving differently to you? Right here on mumsnet.

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:09

Same here. I went out around 4 weeks and had a fab night out. With our child safely in the care of his loving father ;-)

HurtyAtThirty · 03/01/2018 21:09

I’ll get flamed for this. But both myself and my husband went to watch the rugby in Cardiff when our daughter was 5 weeks old, we’d gotten RWC tickets before we got pregnant and that glorious day out was the shining light at the end of the tunnel for me when I was heavily pregnant and fed up. My DM had our DD all day and overnight so we could enjoy ourselves (and yes we got VERY drunk)
When she was 12 was we had a weekend away for my best friends 30th, DD stayed with my DP.

I don’t think having a social life when you have a baby should get you shot, it’s healthy and it’s a moral boosting to be something other than just mum or dad. The monotony of maternity leave would’ve driven me mad if I hadn’t had nights out with my friends every now and then. Doesn’t make me a bad mum, or mean I love my DD any less, just means she has a happy mum who doesn’t resent not being able to be a normal adult.

Plus we ripped the band aid off in terms of separation anxiety and I didn’t have any worries about leaving her when she went to nursery when I went back to work

QueenUnicorn · 03/01/2018 21:10

Time off for mums - yes.
Time off for mums without communicating to dad that he has the responsibility of a newborn after working a 12 hour nightshift because mum is hungover - no.

Original poster
Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 21:11

Oh my... i was meant to say used to work weeks but doesn't work now!

I've said what i think positive and negativd wise to their faces too. He shouldve discussed things with her and she shouldn't have got so pissed without letting him know she was going out. I felt bad (and rightly so) that I said she was selfish but she was also badmouth in the dad who apparently "should have looked after her"... so I guess I was looking for a little perspective / to see if getting drunk with a baby was normal as it's all new to me too

OP posts:
FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 03/01/2018 21:11

Hurty

Nothing wrong with this imo. :)

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:11

HurtyatThirty - she’ll probably grow up to be a shoplifter

Well, or she’ll have no lasting issues whatsoever, except a memory of a happy childhood and chilled out parents

One of the two WineWine

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/01/2018 21:12

Lol,imagine that call to pontypandy duty team
Hello,I want to report an abandoned baby

Abandoned you say?

Ah surely do say that. Left alone,whilst the hoor of a mother was gallivanting and getting bevvies. Abandoned with baby fatha and reliable grandparents were contactable

Riiiiight well we will log that on system and spring into action like safeguarding ninjas