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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think drunk new parent is selfish

194 replies

Leslieknope123 · 03/01/2018 18:29

These are some friends of mine but wanted to know AIBU thinking this is selfish:
Both parents really do 50/50 , bottle feeding and what not. Dad works nights full time and mum works week times. And with one parents round the corner.
Baby is less that 2 months old (6 weeks I think ) and the mum went out drinking with friends and doesn't get back until 7am (thr grandmother looking after the baby whilst the dad is at work) but she has to go to work to.
SOOOOOO the dad is left there after a night shift having to look after a drunk/hungover woman and a new baby. I said to her I thought it was selfish and she had a big go at me about it ! I'm a new mum myself so it's not like I don't "get it "
Was I being unreasonable thinking she was selfish ?? Xxx

OP posts:

VioletCharlotte · 03/01/2018 21:12

I went out when my baby was 6 weeks old. I left him with my Mum overnight and went to a wedding. And yes, I got v drunk! My feeling is that this is fine and normal as long as it's not happening too regularly. I think parents need to be able to go out and let their down every now and again, it's good for your mental health to have the occasional break from your baby and enjoy yourself.

MrMeSeeks · 03/01/2018 21:13

Don't have babies if you want to lash it up ladies.
Listen up ladies, once you're a mom that's it!
No social life for you!
Or alternatively.....

ClaryFray · 03/01/2018 21:13

Not your problem, it's a bit odd but it could be any reason. She could be depressed...

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/01/2018 21:15

Ah if the mum is depressed a spa day or highlights will sort that.mn panacea

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:16

Time off for mums - yes.
Time off for mums without communicating to dad that he has the responsibility of a newborn after working a 12 hour nightshift because mum is hungover - no.

Yet mothers are expected to go without sleep night after night, day after day. Maybe she should have told him, no doubt he survived the one off experience though.

AccrualIntentions · 03/01/2018 21:16

Carbohol78

Wetting the baby's head involving staying out until 7am, getting absolutely shitfaced and leaving the mother to take care of him and the baby all the next day? You bet he would be being slated on here.

MrMeSeeks · 03/01/2018 21:17

What a thick stupid cow, she needs telling or needs SS on her case.
Oh yes!
I'd love to hear that call!
"I want to report this woman for going out and leaving her child!"
"She left the child Alone?"
"Oh no, it was with the grandmother and dad, but she ( gasp) got drunk!"
I can see them right now rushing out out....

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:18

Like I said, 7am is a bit far fetched, as unplanned, but I don’t think it then automatically translates to the mother being a wanton slut who doesn’t deserve children, which is quite close to some people’s tone

QueenUnicorn · 03/01/2018 21:20

Time off for mums - yes.
Time off for mums without communicating to dad that he has the responsibility of a newborn after working a 12 hour nightshift because mum is hungover - no.

Yet mothers are expected to go without sleep night after night, day after day. Maybe she should have told him, no doubt he survived the one off experience though

It's something that should have been communicated. And both mothers and fathers go without sleep night after night, it's not about Mum vs Dad, it's common courtesy.

AccrualIntentions · 03/01/2018 21:21

Carbohol78 Of course it doesn't, that's clearly misogynistic overreaction. But, as per the OP, eliciting a bit of judgyness? I think it would for him and I react the same to her.

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:21

I wouldn't have a problem with that as long as it wasn't a regular thing. Which it clearly sounds like it isn't.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/01/2018 21:22

MrMeSeek a team will be whizzing round there like safeguarding ninjas

NoqontroI · 03/01/2018 21:23

And both mothers and fathers go without sleep night after night

Some do, some don't. Generally it's the working father that bags more sleep at night.

OutComeTheWolves · 03/01/2018 21:29

Yabu. I went on a night out when my first was 3 weeks old.

It was nice to feel like I was in charge of my body again ie I could eat and drink what I wanted and was starting to fit into my normal clothes again.

You spend 9 months playing second fiddle to the baby's needs while you're growing it and then newborns are sleep stealing parasites - albeit very cute and very loved ones. I personally take ownership of the word selfish and thought that one night of putting myself first was the least I deserved! So good for your friend I say!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 21:47

What a thick stupid cow, she needs telling or needs SS on her case.

What a way with words you have, Obscuredbythedensestoffogs.

Do you do weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs?

Carbohol78 · 03/01/2018 21:48

Whilst I refuse to judge this woman by virtue of her being a new mother, I must admit that if myself or DH stayed out till 7am without telling the other person (not asking permission, just informing them as a matter of courtesy), I would expect the other person to be royally pissed off. If OH did it that close to baby being born I’d probably think he was selfish and thoughtless, however if it were me who went AWOL then I’d tell him to get over himself I’ve just been pregnant for 9 months and he needs to step up, then I’d distract him with sex

HurtyAtThirty · 03/01/2018 21:49

@carbohol78 ah no the shop lifting will be down to me returning to work

Look yes she had a big night out, and yeah her husband probably had a hard time coming home from work and having to deal with the baby etc but how is that any different than working, coming home to a child who is a nightmare and getting no sleep etc etc. Look at it a different way, pretend that being a mum is a job like any other where you can book time off; she had vacay time that she used and her flight got delayed and so she returned to work later than expected 😂

And I HIGHLY doubt he had no idea she was off out for at least some of the night, does he not ask her what she’s doing that day? Or check in on his breaks to see how her night with the baby is going?

HurtyAtThirty · 03/01/2018 21:50

Once you’ve had a few drinks it’s easy to lose track of time. Before Christmas I went for a few drinks at our work social, conversation with my husband went like this:
DH: what time will you be home
Me: oh not that late, it’ll be boring but I’ll text when I’m on my way

Turns out after a couple of drinks I was so busy networking that I lost track of time, when I realised what the time was I had to decide between leaving for the last train for an 1hr 45 min train ride thus getting home at 1am and having to get up at 5am to come back to work OR seeing if one of my friends could put me up for the night.

One quick call to my husband and I was on my way to my amazing friend’s flat to have a sloshed kip on her airbed. Plus I got to sleep in later so you know #winning. DH was understanding because he’s a decent human being and recognised I had had fun, I was coming home the next day refreshed (as you can be after a night out) and buzzing from being able to take off my mum hat for a few hours. If the shoe was on the other foot he knows I’d do the same for him.

ChunkyPunky · 03/01/2018 22:05

YABU.

I had to go back to work when DS was 6 weeks old. It was the 1980s and maternity leave rules were almost non-existant. I didn't qualify for paid Mat Leave as I hadn't worked for the same employer for 2 years due to a previous redundancy. We couldn't afford for me to take unpaid leave so my DM looked after him when I went back to work.

But me and DH went to BIL's wedding when DS was about 8 weeks old, whilst my DM looked after him overnight, and we had a fab time. We both got a bit drunk and had a marvellous sleep in the next morning. It was a break we needed.

It's laughable that a HV would report a DM daring to have a night off and leave her DC in the very capable care of its DP or DGP.

I've often seen posts on here about DMs who can't bear to spend a moment or a night apart from their DC, even those up to 2 or 3 years old. They have no idea how lucky they are to have that choice.

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