To ask for friend's dog to not be around when we visit?

[pipnchops]

3yo DD is absolutely petrified of dogs and we're planning an overnight stay with some old friends who have a very friendly but very large dog. Whenever they've come to visit us the dog stays with her parents. Would it be unreasonable if I asked them if her parents could look after the dog while we visit?

I would be inclined to think that maybe this is an opportunity for her to face her fear but we recently visited SIL and she has a tiny and very sweet dog and DD screamed whenever it came anywhere near her and was even distressed when she realised it was sleeping on someone's lap next to her.

You can always stay at a hotel if the accommodation on offer doesn't suit you.

Personally I don't think it's a realistic expectation for them to move their dog out for overnight guests, but I'm sure someone will be along to disagree with me in a minute.

I'd say perhaps try to limit the contact between DD and the dog, but I wouldn't expect her to move out the dog.

I would encourage gentle interaction slowly at DDs pace to try and build up her tolerance of dogs. Is there any reason why she is so frightened of them?

No, I don't think you can expect your friends to find somewhere for the dog to go and I say this as someone whose dc also had an extreme fear of dogs. You can ask them but be prepared for them to say no.

I wouldn't have gone to a house with dogs, I would have met friends outside the house or made other arrangements for a place to stay. Luckily my dc grew out of the fear but I sympathise as it was very difficult to manage at times

YABVU. Dogs are part of the family. Stay elsewhere of it is that much of a problem.

It's the dogs home.
Sorry OP but yes yabu

You can't ask your friends to move their dog out.

If you don't want to stay in a house with a dog then you need to stay in a B&B.

Your DD would benefit greatly from getting used to dogs. There are dogs everywhere and shielding her from them won’t help her anxiety. As you say the dog is friendly, use the opportunity for exposure to a nice dog.

Could your dd make a doggy gift bag? Tell her the ddog can easily become her BFF!! My dd 2 was terrified, we got a puppy before her phobia became a big issue...
Not realistic to expect your friend to go to such lengths.

look up dog phobia

They recommend a photo of the dog somewhere she will see it daily and isn't 'spooked' by the image, then work up to small videos etc

What are you doing to help her over come this?

I have two small dogs and have friends who’s children are afraid of dogs - they used the opportunity to try and gently get their kids to face their fears etc. First few times dogs behind gate and now the dogs are free to roam when they are around - not totally over the fear but getting there. I suppose if one of my friends told me that their kids were terrified of dogs I would keep them behind a gate - no way would I send them away (my dogs).

It would be very unreasonable of you.

Do they know your DD is scared?

Can they keep the dog in a separate room? I would try that with my dogs if someone is scared of them but I would be very reluctant to send them away.

I am terrified of dogs. And I am so scared of big dogs.

Anyone I know with a dog would refuse to do this as they view the dogs as one of the family.

Therefore, I just wouldn't go to their houses.

A lot of dog owners expect others to love their dog as much as they do, but they make me feel anxious.

Instead of asking your friend to ship the dog off could you ask them if they can keep the dog in another room when you get there so DD can settle in. Mention her fear of dogs and that you don't want to stress her or their dog out. If your friend goes for the idea you can build from there but if they won't even put the dog in another room for a short time then you are best staying somewhere else.

YABVU

No. Stay somewhere else.

YABU. My dog is a member of the family and I wouldn't tolerate a request for her to be removed from her home. Anyone who has a problem with her needn't come to my house.

If someone asked me to remove my dogs, for their child, I would politely ask them to leave their child with their parents !

YABU And I don't like dogs.

How would you feel if one of your guests requested you ditch your DD so you could host them?

Having said that it will be very difficult to keep a dog in a separate room.
They know someone's come to visit and if they are anything like mine then they will want to come, say hello, bring you toys and keep you company.

Your DD would benefit greatly from getting used to dogs. There are dogs everywhere and shielding her from them won’t help her anxiety.

^This

And answer to your original question- YABU

YABVVVVVVVU! It's the dog's home, the dog is part of the family. You cannot ask them to move the dog out! They are offering you overnight accomodation so you either be grateful they're doing this and accept the dog or you find somewhere dog free to stay

My dc were scared of dogs but whenever we visited anyone with dogs i never asked or expected them to remove them. I would prepare the dc that the dog would be there and use it as a time to get them used to dogs. Generally, friends would realise they went dog lovers and give some time when the dog was in another room, but not always and I never asked. Now, many years on, both boys are much better with dogs and happy to be around them. Much better than still very scared of them

I would contact them and say that, on second thoughts, you think you might find it easier to stay at a B&B when you visit because of your DD's phobia. They may well then offer to arrange for the dog to stay elsewhere but it will be their choice. However, it would be good to start work on overcoming your DD's phobia as it is going to be difficult going through life without meeting dogs.

If the dog is used to overnight stays elsewhere, I don't see the harm in asking. It's a scared 3yo after all.

I'm saying this as a huge dog lover btw who wouldn't be able to send my dog away as it would be mega stressed.