To ask for friend's dog to not be around when we visit?

[pipnchops]

3yo DD is absolutely petrified of dogs and we're planning an overnight stay with some old friends who have a very friendly but very large dog. Whenever they've come to visit us the dog stays with her parents. Would it be unreasonable if I asked them if her parents could look after the dog while we visit?

I would be inclined to think that maybe this is an opportunity for her to face her fear but we recently visited SIL and she has a tiny and very sweet dog and DD screamed whenever it came anywhere near her and was even distressed when she realised it was sleeping on someone's lap next to her.

YABU. And I say that as someone with a dd(2.5) who is scared of dogs. It's the dog's home.

Do they know your dd is afraid? I always keep my dog with family when my friends and their dc visit (for hours though rather than days). I do this without them asking as I know they don’t like dogs so much and so it’s just less stressful all round.

If they don’t and haven’t already made arrangements, I do think you have to make arrangement to stay elsewhere. I don’t think really you can take your dd into a house and expect the hosts to make arrangements to avoid her fear. I don’t think you can ask really, although they might offer if you raise it gently.

Could you stay elsewhere and call around, asking them to remove to dog for that time?

I think it might be better for you to stay in a hotel and introduce your dd to the dog gradually.

Thanks, so glad I checked before asking her.. I was composing the message but it just didn't feel right to ask her. I need to address this fear and this could be a good opportunity. Don't want to stay in a hotel as the only proper chance we'll get to catch up with these friends is once the children are in bed!! I will warn her off DDs phobia phobia though as I also worry about her screaming distressing the dog.

I’d stay elsewhere

Yabu. If their family home doesn't suit you, you need to solve the problem yourself and stay in a b&b. You get what you pay for after all - and this is a free stay.

I don't think you can ask someone to send their dog away when you visit. It's the dog's home. You could decline the invitation due to your DD's fears and perhaps they will offer to come to some arrangement (although it's more likely that they will say 'oh, that's a shame. Well, let us know where you decide to stay and we'll meet up') but that's very different from asking them to send the dog away.

YABU

YWBVU. The dog lives there, you don't.

The cheek of it. If someone asked me that I'd send them some local hotel suggestions.

I think that you should probably book into a B&B when you visit them, just until you get her phobia sorted.

I would be very wary of having a screaming 3 year old around a big dog, I'd be worried that the dog might get scared and hurt your toddler

For a 3 year old to have that much of a fear I would be worried about my child. Did something happen to her with a dog? I don’t think you can ask them to move their dog out maybe keep them in a different room to your daughter or else stay somewhere else.

I would say YABVU- if you didn’t like a member of their family would you ask them to sleep elsewhere, in their own house?

As a dog owner I would advise you of the nearest b & b/hotels in this case...

Going against the grain, but I wouldn't mind if you asked me, especially if there was someone who could have the dog (which isn't the case for us), but we would certainly accommodate keeping the dogs away from your daughter. I'd rather you asked than not visit. I suspect some of our relatives have failed to visit us in 10 years for this reason... but as they've not said, we can't address it.

As a dog owner and mum of 6 year old who seems to have a lot of friends who are scared of dogs, please warn your friends and be honest.

I put my dog in another room but it's really stressful for me and the dog having a child screaming at him. I have to bring him down to pee outside and this is jus an afternoon. Can't see how you can stay a weekend with this situation unless your friend kindly asks her family to dog sit.

oh for heavens sake.
YABVU.

If your child is likely to scream at the dog, you really should find somewhere else to stay. It’s not fair on your hosts, or the pooch.

Also as a dog owner, I would be reluctant from my dogs POV. I work hard to try and keep my dog calm around children and a distressed child might make the whole experience stressful for the animal too. And that’s probably not a great combination unless the dog already is very used to and confident with a variety of children. Mine isn’t, so that would impact on what I would be comfortable with, to protect your dd and my dog. That’s generally why I ship mine off for a few hours to host friends and dc who aren’t keen.

Er - why are you going to put your terrified three year old through this?

You don’t want to put your friend out, but you’re willing to have your helpless kid feel petrified and be powerless to do anything about it?

This is not the way to help her with her phobia - it is the way to make it worse.

You can’t ask them to move their dog but think of your kid FFS.

So the best thing would be to speak to her and try to work something out together.

If a friend requested my dogs move out of their home for a visit, I would politely decline. However, I would also offer to help try and overcome the phobia of dogs by sending nice videos and pictures if needed...

I would happily send my dog away for the sake of a scared child.

If your dd screams around dogs I don't think you should have accepted the invitation.

Just tell them you will stay in a hotel and ask them to not have dog in the room where they will be feeding you or go out for the day.

If you really want to help your dd get some advice on introducing friendly, quiet dogs gradually and building up to contact with more boisterous dogs when she is older and taller.

You are not wrong to want to protect your dd, and think of her feelings.