To ask for friend's dog to not be around when we visit?

[pipnchops]

3yo DD is absolutely petrified of dogs and we're planning an overnight stay with some old friends who have a very friendly but very large dog. Whenever they've come to visit us the dog stays with her parents. Would it be unreasonable if I asked them if her parents could look after the dog while we visit?

I would be inclined to think that maybe this is an opportunity for her to face her fear but we recently visited SIL and she has a tiny and very sweet dog and DD screamed whenever it came anywhere near her and was even distressed when she realised it was sleeping on someone's lap next to her.

My Dniece is scared of dogs. We ha s two spaniels. The dogs are just kept in the kitchen while she is here. She generally settles down with the dogs if they don’t go too close to her.

No way would I send the dogs away to accommodate her fear.

Point being - just because the parents in question are happy to have the OP’s dog when she goes away it doesn’t mean they’re happy to always have the dog. Maybe they are but feeling it’s a favour too much to ask doesn’t say anything about the friendships - just says something about how much the parents are already helping out and how much of an imposition the dog is (some dogs clearly more of a PITA than others - mine is definitely in the PITA category, particularly in combination with my parent’s dog.

“Didn’t you read my post Bertrand? I said I already impinge on my parents a lot with my dog so
I wouldn’t be willing to do it for a friend’s visit”

Absolutely. I perfectly see that. And presumably if a friend asked you would say that and everything would be fine. But as far as we know, the same circumstances do not pertain in the OP’s situation. Her friends happily leave their dog with parents when they visit her.

I also dislike dogs and wouldn't stay with anyone who had one

Nor would I. I also have friends who took it as a personal affront.
They could not understand why I wouldn't want to spend 24 hours in their home, tolerating numerous encounters with a large hairy dog whose sole purpose in life is to stick its nose in somebody's crotch. Which apparently is very amusing to some.
At my advanced age I can act calmly around dogs but I am counting the seconds until I can get away from it. I'm ok with dogs out and about so long as they don't approach barking (and any non dog-owner who enjoys walking outdoors will agree that this happens regularly) I turn sideways and fold my arms. But I shouldn't have to put up with it.
A dog in a confined space on its own territory is another kettle of fish entirely. To force a 3 year old into this situation will do more harm than good.

I'm with you 100% lemondrizzle.

I do get that there must be a 'dog tinted glasses' of some sort, meaning that many owners honestly don't see any sort of problem with a dog sniffing a guest's crotch.

What I don't get is their refusal to do anything about this behaviour once a guest has told them that they don't like it.

So don’t take the 3 year old!

As I said I don’t have a dog. I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t like my cat but he lives here so it’s down to them if they visit, I’d be happy to meet elsewhere. I have a cousin who can’t visit as he’s allergic so we arrange to meet up somewhere else, it’s not a big deal.

I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t like my cat but he lives here so it’s down to them if they visit, I’d be happy to meet elsewhere

I don't mind cats but whenever I visit a cat household they tend to bugger off out of the way of their own volition. I only ever catch fleeting glimpses. Maybe cats don't like me.

Usually cats are busy making a bee line for people who don’t like them ime.

TBH I couldn’t care less whether someone liked my cat or dog and I’d happily meet away from home if either is a problem (actually thinking about it if a professional wants to visit me at home I ask them how they are with dogs/cats, if they don’t like them I suggest meeting in their office or try and coincide their visit with the weekly dog walker day when ddog is out for hours, but otherwise they’ll have to meet me elsewhere or put up with the dog. (The cat is fairly easy to chuck outside of confine the the kitchen of she’s a problem).

I don't visit friends with dogs anymore because of dd. And I've just realised how much I love it. The dog with the sharp claws where you can't wear anything with short sleeves or anything made out of wool? I never have to worry about him again. Ditto the crotch sniffer that my cousin has. And that horrible dog that nips any bare flesh that my MIL has, and part of the reason my dd can't be in a room with most dogs? I never have to meet him again either. It's actually a relief I didn't know I was feeling! ( still love my parents labs though)

Mine you, the dog can also be used as cover for avoiding seeing people you'd rather not..."Oh gosh, see I'd love to, but the dog..." Ditto house guests.

I don’t mind if you don’t like my cat - and I’ll keep him out of the guest room by shutting the door but I wouldn’t shut him outside for a guest.

My family look after each others dogs when needed, but it is a hassle all round. Something most people choose to do as little as possible. You have to organise a time that suits the sitter and then take your dog to and from their house (none of my family live less than an hours drive from each other). Some dogs love to visit their second families but others find it stressful. Fine for if you are going on a special holiday or have an unmissable appointment but in this situation I'd expect the visitors to at least have considered leaving their child with grandparents or friends before expecting the family dog to get booted out. Or just to manage the child's fears a bit better, and I'd be more than happy to offer to help with that. Which as it happens is what it looks like the OP and her friends did.