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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu unreasonable or is DH? Driving

502 replies

hooochycoo · 01/01/2018 08:06

Think I already know the answer to this but curious as to response.

This Christmas we've been visiting my family that live the other end of the country. We've two kids ( 6 and 9 ) who are average travellers. I don't drive.

The drive down was seven hours.

The drive back is six hours ( because we changed locations over Christmas and new year to relatives an hour closer to home)

While planning the way down DH and I had a massive argument because he said that 7 hours was too far to drive in one day. ( despite the fact he has regularly driven five or six) . We had to break the journey with a night in a hotel at £200 expense and lose a day of holiday with my family. While I acquiesced to this plan as he's doing the driving and therefore I had to, I disagreed. Apparently I was being unreasonable to voice this opinion though because since I don't drive I'm not allowed an opinion.

We're on our way back today now and we all had to be up at 6 am on New Year's Day , pack the car and say goodbye to relatives in the dark because DH wants to drive the 6 hours in one go to be back home for 1pm. This is because he's then meeting a friend at 2 pm to drive a further 4 hours to a two day party with his friends.

Apparently though this is completely different as it's a six hour drive not a seven. And his friend will do the majority of the four hour drive.

AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable and selfish? He's thinks I'm out of order and selfish for thinking this. Apparently I'm not allowed an opinion because I don't drive.

( btw- i think the answer is probably learn to drive. I haven't so far as I'm dyspraxic and it's very difficult for me, but I think I have to to prevent this kind of thing happening)

OP posts:
Puppymonkeybaby1 · 01/01/2018 08:10

Errr. Yes. YABVVVU.

Believeitornot · 01/01/2018 08:10

Well yabu a bit because you don’t drive.

However that’s a ridiculous length of time to drive for.

But if you did drive, you’d still need to leave early to make his party...?

cansu · 01/01/2018 08:13

I think that he probably does need a break but whether that means an overnight stay is debateable. Maybe a better compromise would have been stopping for a meal. Surely an overnight stop shouldnt have cost 200!!

Treaclespongeandcustard · 01/01/2018 08:13

YABU 7 hours is too long to drive in one day.

InfiniteSheldon · 01/01/2018 08:13

If you don't drive you really don't get to say what is and isn't reasonable sorry but seven hours is awful especially when you then have to be nice to family not zonk out

olympicsrock · 01/01/2018 08:13

7 hours is too far to drive in one day as a single driver as it’s exhausting to concentrate for so long ( he and his friend are sharing a 2 hour drive) . I was about to say that he was a bit unreasonable asking you all to set off at 6 am but the traffic will be hideous today. Sounds like he has had enough of inlaws ( my DH refuses to visit mine at Christmas as they live 4 hours away) and is desperate to spend time with friends. YABU

UrsulaPandress · 01/01/2018 08:14

7 hours is perfectly doable in one day. And I'd be pissed off at having to get up so early so that he could get to a party.

But, as you don't drive unfortunately you are a bit at his mercy on this one.

BettyChristmas · 01/01/2018 08:14

YABVU - you are allowed an opinion but since you are not contributing anything to the actual journey then you can’t expect to overrule him. I think it’s always easier doing a longer journey on the return trip as children are tired and often keen to get home.

Allthetuppences · 01/01/2018 08:14

Six hours in one go is a massively irresponsible amount of time to drive in one go. I drive.
Learning to drive would probably help if journeys to your family are frequent. It wont stop you feeling annoyed that his priority is to his friends and socialising over spending time with you/ his children/ family.

ThursdayLastWeek · 01/01/2018 08:15

If one of you has a commitment at 2pm today then you’d have to go early anyways wouldn’t you? If he’s just done the festive season with your family, away from home I’d say he’s earned time with his friends!

I dunno...breaking up a long journey with a nice hotel stay sounds lovely. Bit of time just the two of you before the madness.

I think you’re both U for turning any of this into a row!

Original poster
hooochycoo · 01/01/2018 08:15

Sorry should have said, the six hour drive will have a half hour break for food and toilet

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 01/01/2018 08:16

For me, YABU. I find anymore than 6/6.5 hours driving at a stretch exhausting. When I do the drive to pick up my Mum for Christmas it takes me two days; one to get to the UK, spend a night in a Premier Inn, and then down to the Devon/Cornwall border the next day. Dh can do it door to door in 12 hours, but I cannot drive for that long.

It's not only about how you drive, but keeping safe from other drivers, constantly scanning the road for issues, being careful in heavy traffic etc. Better to lose a day of your holiday than your lives surely? Take the train next time perhaps?

Didiusfalco · 01/01/2018 08:17

I would find both a 6 and 7 hour drive too far to do as a single driver in a day. I think with your family so far away you really have to make learning a priority - although appreciate this is difficult.

2018IsGoingToBeMyYear · 01/01/2018 08:17

I drive 7/8 hours at work sometimes - it is insanely draining.

It's an especially long time for kids to be cooped up in the car!

Sorry but kindly meant - YABU.

Flappyears · 01/01/2018 08:18

Sorry but I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Apart from the party, I’d much rather get up early and drive while the traffic is lighter. Driving in traffic jams is hideous.

I might also find that seven hours might tip the driving load into feeling a bit unsafe in terms of concentration, tiredness etc. Being a passenger is completely different as it doesn’t matter if you switch off, dose etc.

Appleandcinnamon · 01/01/2018 08:18

7 hours is nothing. Could you have stopped for a break had some food etc. My pension drawing father can drive from Eastern Europe to our house in one go. Well he has a rest for a couple of hours on the ferry. Takes about 19 hours.

hevonbu · 01/01/2018 08:18

It's actually a big difference between six and seven hours.

I checked out dyspraxia on www.medicalnewstoday.com/ and although the list of issues was quite lengthy, problems of driving weren't mentioned. Wouldn't it make a difference if the car was an automatic one? Driving is very rule-based.

Shoxfordian · 01/01/2018 08:19

Yeah yabu, 7 hours is a really long drive without a break.

Original poster
hooochycoo · 01/01/2018 08:19

So seven hours needs splitting up into two days

But six hours is fine to do with a half hour break?

Thanks everyone btw. Feeling grumpy in the back of the car and needing a reality check before I make it worse.

OP posts:
Imknackeredzzz · 01/01/2018 08:20

For gods sake- you’ve never driven so how could you possibly know how difficult and taxing it is?!

You are being ridiculously unreasonable! Perhaps you would rather he carried on driving the 7 hours when his concentration had gone through tiredness and had an accident and killed someone?!

For gods sake- get over yourself OP

Fairylea · 01/01/2018 08:20

I can see why you’re annoyed - there’s only an hour between 6 and 7 hours so if he’s happy to drive 6 hours with a small gap then surely he could manage another hour.

But saying that, I’m a driver and there’s no way I would drive for more than 3 hours without a break. I used to drive to London from Norfolk and back in the same day and I’d have to stop and have lunch / a walk about in the middle and by the time I got back I was utterly exhausted. I think everyone has different thresholds of what they can manage!

BrutusMcDogface · 01/01/2018 08:21

Yabu because he's right, I'm afraid.

Plus he's been with you and your family for the whole festive period so I don't blame him for wanting to see his friends.

Even if you did drive, you'd still have to leave at 6 today so I'm not sure what that would have solved.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 01/01/2018 08:23

7 hrs isn’t too far to drive of you stop for a break, some lunch and a stretch of the legs. Unfortunately what’s done is done no point wallowing in it, In the future make sure you find a lovely hotel with a spa in for your overnight break.

ThursdayLastWeek · 01/01/2018 08:23

I don’t think it’s U to make the journey to Xmas at your ILs longer than the journey home to hang out with your mates! Grin

BrutusMcDogface · 01/01/2018 08:24

Lots of cross posting there.

Why are you in the back?!