Aibu unreasonable or is DH? Driving

[hooochycoo]

Think I already know the answer to this but curious as to response.

This Christmas we've been visiting my family that live the other end of the country. We've two kids ( 6 and 9 ) who are average travellers. I don't drive.

The drive down was seven hours.

The drive back is six hours ( because we changed locations over Christmas and new year to relatives an hour closer to home)

While planning the way down DH and I had a massive argument because he said that 7 hours was too far to drive in one day. ( despite the fact he has regularly driven five or six) . We had to break the journey with a night in a hotel at £200 expense and lose a day of holiday with my family. While I acquiesced to this plan as he's doing the driving and therefore I had to, I disagreed. Apparently I was being unreasonable to voice this opinion though because since I don't drive I'm not allowed an opinion.

We're on our way back today now and we all had to be up at 6 am on New Year's Day , pack the car and say goodbye to relatives in the dark because DH wants to drive the 6 hours in one go to be back home for 1pm. This is because he's then meeting a friend at 2 pm to drive a further 4 hours to a two day party with his friends.

Apparently though this is completely different as it's a six hour drive not a seven. And his friend will do the majority of the four hour drive.

AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable and selfish? He's thinks I'm out of order and selfish for thinking this. Apparently I'm not allowed an opinion because I don't drive.

( btw- i think the answer is probably learn to drive. I haven't so far as I'm dyspraxic and it's very difficult for me, but I think I have to to prevent this kind of thing happening)

@Ethylred think you owe OP an apology. She had already said her parents had passed away.

No idea why people have to be so nasty.  for you @hooochycoo

My dh wouldn’t complain about driving to spend Christmas with my family if it was a regular thing, he wouldn’t treat it like a chore and he def would not complain about doing it once in eight fucking years and if it’s the first Christmas I’ve spent with family since losing my parents he wouldn’t dump me back at home and fuck off partying for two days if he felt for one second I’d be feeling upset about parents not being around.

He wouldn’t (and doesn’t) resent me not being able to drive. I’ve recently has meds changed and I’m no longer drowsy and am going to learn this year, he’s already talking about switching to automatic and prioritising spare cash for lesson and outgoings we could cut back in if money became tight.

He loves my Mum and my family, gets in really welll them but even he hated them, he wouldn’t complain about driving to spend one week at Christmas out of eight years with them, and my dh is a miserable twat most of the time.

As for driving long hours, I do agree in that the driver is the one who knows if they feel safe, dh sometimes has ten hour drives, for work and finds the going there harder on a Monday morning than coming home on a Friday lunchtime, but he wouldn’t say a minty before hand I won’t be safe doing it in one day outbound so book a hotel but noooo I’ll feel fine doing it in one day a week later...he plays it by ear, if he’s had a bad night sleep the he takes lots of breaks and would even book a hotel if it was late, same would apply coming home though and he often has to stop for long breaks coming home after a week away..

If it were the other way round and you’d posted saying your driving to you in laws for the first Christmas in eight years and how it’s the first one he spending with his family since his parents died and how your dh is questioning why you need a hotel stay on the drive out but can do it one go on the way back as you’re going partying for two days I highly doubt people would be saying he should be greatful that you’ve done him the favour and that he should be giving you a break about your hard earned two days of partying. People would be questioning why you’re not wanting to spend time unwinding with your children, and saying how you’re crap for planning to fuck off for two days without knowing how he’ll feel after his first Christmas with family without his parents..

He isn’t unreasonable for wanting to drive when he feels safe to, but he is for implying he knows how either drive will affect him months in advance. If my dh needed more rest on the outbound, and it was the first time in eight years we’d been for Christmas he’d have suggested we stay there an extra day and he’d miss one day of partying, but then he doesn’t think he’s doing me a favour by being a member of and spending time with my family, even the ones he doesn’t like.