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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be frustrated by plus size bloggers

213 replies

fcek · 31/12/2017 20:37

First of all I am plus size myself but I find the plus size bloggers out there to be really disappointing in terms of the outfits they show and the message they put out.

There are some bloggers who wear clothes that are 2-3 sizes too small either because they think they are that size or because (most likely) they want to show off the fact they are fat because its all they talk about in between their fashion photos. I'd rather just learn about the clothes not to read defensive posts all the time.

And there are other bloggers who wear ridiculously bright clothes, lots of in your face make up and jewellery to seemingly 'hide' the fact that they are plus size.

Where are all the 'normal' plus size bloggers? with normal looking clothes that people would actually wear, that actually fit them, who have an interest in fashion without pushing a particular 'cause' down our throats in every second post?

I quite like becky barnes and arched eyebrow. Their blogs are relatively normal and they are of a similar size / shape to me.

Wannabe Princess is the worst. Nothing personal but her blog comes under the first category above. She doesn't wear clothes that actually fit her or are in any way fashionable. Diamond and Pearls comes under the second category with the OTT make up/jewellery/clothes. Neither of them do plus size people any favours, contrary to what they might think, they just make us more objects of fun.

Can anyone recommend a blogger who promotes clothes people would actually wear and that actually fit?

OP posts:
itshappening · 03/01/2018 11:58

I have a real f/t job which my DC will have too.

Not sure what you mean OP, re your DC.

CaptainBrickbeard · 03/01/2018 12:12

itshappening, it’s in response to the suggestion upthread that she should treat others with compassion as they are someone’s child - ie what if her dc have a blog and people are unkind about them? She is snidely dismissing everyone successful on the internet as not having a proper job and saying that she herself is far too busy and important to run her own blog, so she will stick to slagging off other people’s efforts. Apparently that’s what she intends for her own children as well - to put others down for having a go at something without ever bothering to do it themselves.

DiamondsnPearls · 03/01/2018 14:03

Hello All,

I was reluctant to pop over and post on this thread after reading personal comments made by the OP about me; however, the more I've thought about it, the more I've thought I'd like my right to reply. It's only fair? Surely? OP, whilst I noticed you had prefixed some of your comments with 'nothing personal' please know that the statement does not negate the personal nature of the things you said.

I read your comments about me last night:

'Diamond and Pearls comes under the second category with the OTT make up/jewellery/clothes. Neither of them do plus size people any favours, contrary to what they might think, they just make us more objects of fun.'

And whilst at first I laughed them off as petty to my boyfriend, he could see how upset underneath the laughter they had made me as the more I looked at them the more they hurt and the more responses I read throughout the thread, responses about other bloggers, the more angry I became at how mean, spiteful and jealous other women can be about other women just trying to make a change.

You see, OP, I'm not claiming to have personally changed the world by wearing makeup, putting on jewellery and wearing bright clothes (all OTT in your opinion, whatever) however I know, that I, and many other bloggers (named on here and out there on the internet) HAVE made a change to the way other women look at themselves, feel about themselves and have started making changes to the way plus size women are treated in the media, society, fashion and so on an so forth. So whilst you feel we are making you 'objects of fun' I completely reject this and would urge you to take a deeper look at the changes such a progressive community are making to make things better FOR YOU! Most of us, all whilst having full time jobs and families and social lives, you know, reasons why we don't have time to make spiteful jealous comments on the internet.

In fact OP, I also need to thank you, your thread has driven lots of new followers to my pages and I'm sure the pages of other bloggers named on here too and this will only be at a positive to these women, who can join in on the positivity that plus size bloggers try to bring.

I'm sorry you dislike yourself so much that you felt the need to make personal, comments about women you don't know, but whilst I note you dislike my style and a few others, I hope you've managed to find some resources through recommendations on here that will help you reach a more positive, happy self.

I have received so many lovely messages from women who have visited my social media pages from this thread and if my my 'OTT makeup, jewellery and bright clothes' have bought some positivity to just one person then I'm happy. I was bullied terribly as a child and teenager, about how I looked, my weight and everything inbetween and it took at lot for me to be as confident as I am now, but that doesn't make me invincible, I'm still human and I hope you're happy with the comments you made about me and others.

How about trying and learning to be kinder and nicer? It will take you so much further! I promise!

Also, just a side note. No where, in my blog or social media do I tell people that they should be 'obese', this thread and the comments within it are living proof that there is no glorifying obesity, you've only got to read here for a few minutes to see how much fat people have to go through just to be able to be treated like normal human beings.

DiamondsnPearls · 03/01/2018 14:06

Also thanks to anyone who left positive responses! Really appreciate it!

Naomi - Diamonds n Pearls
@naomi_g - Instagram
@naomi_griffiths - twitter

itshappening · 03/01/2018 14:20

To be fair, you have no idea what your dc will do in the future OP.

Diamonds not only do you look fantastic (don't recognise the OP's response to your style at all) but be sure you've made a lot of difference to many people.

lottielamour · 03/01/2018 14:34

Hey OP,

I see you've addressed "us bloggers" again, and I just wanted to respond to you.

I'm not surprised that you predicted that we might turn up to defend ourselves. See, when you write things about humans that are untrue on a public forum, most of the time, they will pipe up to talk about truth behind the misconceptions. It would be naive to think we wouldn't, really - so I'm with you on that.

Your definition of body positive is a bit skewed. I'd love to talk to you more about what body positivity actually is, but in the interest of not "preaching" about it, I'll save it until you feel like reaching out to me so we can chat. My DM's are open on all of my social media platforms and I'd love to have a chat with you about it if you're willing.

As for finding bloggers where the clothes fit them and suit them, maybe if you told us what your own personal style is, we could recommend some people that fit in with that? See the beauty of bloggers is that there's a different one for every kind of styling - I'd love to help you with that.

As for starting your own blog, I work 40 hours a week, have my own side business and I blog. My partner also has a 40 hour a week job too. If you're passionate about something, you'll find the time to do it - it sounds like it's more to do with your passion level for blogging stopping you from doing it, rather than the time it takes to maintain one. That's fine though - not everyone dreams of being a blogger :)

Here for open discussion about body positivity if anyone wants to know - either on here or on my social profiles!

xxx

JeReviens · 03/01/2018 16:05

Some of the people on this thread making the snide comments and thinly disguised fat shaming remarks would do well to read the posts by the visiting bloggers and maybe learn something about a. speaking kindly and b. not being an out and out judgemental arsehole.

I question the OPs motives for this actually and it was SO predictable the types it would bring out.

Whiterabbitears · 03/01/2018 16:17

Diamondsnpearls

I think you are very beautiful and stylish and you have inspired me to start wearing more fashionable clothes and to shop in places other than just Yours and Evans, although there is nothing wrong with those shops. I don't agree with the things posted by the OP and I don't see why as plus size women we shouldn't wear bright colours, accessories and makeup. I think those things look good on everyone whatever their size. Surely variety is the spice of life? Please keep blogging as you do because there are lots of that you do inspire Smile

LavenderDoll · 03/01/2018 16:24

OP you sound a nasty goady piece of work.

Apart from the OP the thread is fantastic- found a few new Instagram plus size bloggers to follow
I'm plus size
For me seeing women my shape and size out there wearing stuff that I like empowers me and has helped me accept who I am and have the confidence to wear what I want.

Dietcokebae · 03/01/2018 16:35

Stop being so worried about the existence of people who aren't fat in the way you think they should be. It's not your business whether anyone else wears bright colours or skimpy clothes!

I think you need to follow @bodyposipanda on Instagram. She'll do so much for your confidence and will really help you overcome judgmental feelings about others (which usually stem from self-doubt!)

MiaowTheCat · 03/01/2018 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwayAndStuffYourself · 03/01/2018 20:29

I feel certain that what happens is that the slimmer among us (and I am not one of them) can't understand or just don't realise that us larger ladies only get one life, just like they do. Therefore, just like them we can't afford to be lurking in the shadows waiting to be the "right" shape until we get out there and live our lives wearing what we want. I tried it myself, it doesn't work. I've been bigger, I've been smaller, but I've never ever been the "right shape/size" ( in my mind, or anyone elses I imagine)..I've only ever managed to be me, at each and every size. So, I refuse to waste any more of my life trying to dress or be what other people mistakenly assume I should be. It's completely liberating, and actually I have had more compliments since I did that than I ever had whilst trying to hide my size/shape in "standard larger person designed not to offend attire". Never again.

BeverlyGoldberg · 03/01/2018 23:09

I’ve spent far too long reading every post on this thread and invested far too much.

I want to thank the bloggers for coming here and giving their side. I’ve never followed a plus size blogger before, in fact I’ve only dipped into a couple of blogs ever, but this thread has been quite inspirational, for the exact opposite reasons the OP started it! I’ll definitely be following the ladies who posted on here, you’re all gorgeous and have amazing style.

I’m fat. I’ve had abuse for it. I’ve been thin and had abuse for other reasons that nasty bullies felt I didn’t fit in. There will always be aresholes that will find a reason to pick on people, that’s just life, weight is one of those things people like to pick on to plug a hole in their own lives. If I wasn’t fat it would be something else. I am working on giving less fucks about it and concentrating on the overwhelming positives in my life.

HuskyMcClusky · 04/01/2018 03:49

Diamonds and the other bloggers one here: 👏👏👏👏👏

I’ve never been plus-sized and I think your blogs are fab. You all dress more stylishly than I do (cos I’m lazy and a bit unimaginative!)

Why the hell shouldn’t plus-size people enjoy fashion and style and looking good? Whether they want/need to lose weight in the future, why can’t they want to look their best right now?

I don’t understand petty-minded attitudes like the OP.

CrazyExIngenue · 04/01/2018 04:29

Shame and self loathing is not a successful route to weight loss.

Bingo! In fact, shame and self loathing is (and I can only speak for me and other plus sized ladies I know) what's led us to be fat in the first place. I went from a size 0 to a size 18 when I finally went to a doctor and went on meds to treat my anxiety and depression (after my 2nd suicide attempt).

I've been both ends of the scale and it sucks on either. At a size 0 I was unhealthy, at a size 18 I'm unhealthy. But you'll never have anyone tell you to your face or in snide comments online that your unhealthy at a size 0. You'll get compliments. It's fucked up.

ConfusedSurfer · 04/01/2018 11:10

You really can't just say "Nothing personal" then personally attack someone, no-one has the right to put someone else down for any reason, if you have nothing nice to say keep quiet :D

NerdAboutTown · 04/01/2018 11:29

Wow. The thread creator really has some issues about her weight, huh?

That's completely fine, but maybe try not to offset your insecurities on women who are happy and confident in their skin perhaps. A lot of us bloggers try and help and uplift women, while showing you clothes that you can wear, despite your body type. Our message is that there is no 'one' way to have a body, and that plus size fashion is more than 'flattering' empire line dresses, oversized moo-moos and drab smocks.

Fair enough if you're older than us, you may want to dress a bit more safely, however the majority of plus size bloggers in the UK are probably 35 and younger, so our styles are, and will be, different than yours. If you don't like what someone is wearing, don't read their blog.

TBH, work on your confidence and self esteem first, because it really shows in your post. Don't drag down women who are confident in their bodies.

Aimeetink · 04/01/2018 11:36

I cannot BELIEVE what I’m reading!

Not personal but doing it in the MOST HORRENDOUS way of making it personal

You should be ashamed of yourselves. Absolutely ashamed. People like you are the reason I was afraid to leave my house without being wrapped and covering every inch of skin for so many years. Nobody is forcing these bloggers on you nobody is making you participate nobody is making you take part but actively
Slamming their style and appearance could this not have been “bloggers we like” instead of bloggers who we don’t like. Do we really need the added negativity in the world right now? Do women need the added negativity? No!

I’m gobsmacked, these are people’s daughters granddaughters and wives you are talking about! I hope to god your children don’t come under fire like their for their appearance because you’ll feel exactly the hate you are spewing out now and it’s TOXIC!

Aimeetink · 04/01/2018 11:38

I know these girls you mention personally and for anyone to say anything this nasty and toxic honestly kills me inside. They are the most beautiful sweet caring humans on the planet and DO NOT deserve that level of shit

PrinceMichaelOfMoldavia · 04/01/2018 11:42

Loving this thread, I’m a very tall size 20 and never thought to look for bloggers for inspiration. I like animal prints, velvet, glittery stuff, 70s style patterns. Does anyone know of a blogger that does similar?

NerdAboutTown · 04/01/2018 11:43

fcek it really sounds like you're offputting your own insecurities on bloggers. Yes, not everyone will like everything, but if that blogger is happy in what she's wearing, it's absolutely none of your business. There will be thousands of people who love what she wears for every 100 people that don't - that's the luck of the draw.

Frankly I'm disgusted by this thread. Some of the bloggers mentioned are pals and it's horrible that they've had to wake up to some horrible, fatphobic comments. Obviously being a blogger, being exposed to fatphobia comes with the territory, but for it to come from other fat women...? Horrible.

Aimeetink · 04/01/2018 11:43

Fatty boom tatty x

PrinceMichaelOfMoldavia · 04/01/2018 11:44

Ps loving the bloggers and the positive stuff, not the mean spirited comments.

fcek · 04/01/2018 12:11

Someone up thread said if you disagree with plus size bloggers, their army will gang up on you...telling you to be nice whilst not doing so themselves on twitter.

I got some good recommendations on here for bloggers around my size and I'm now following them as they have clothes I would wear to work or casually.

I'm afraid I can't go to work or even other events in many of the clothes promoted. I like many of the lady V clothes for example, but I couldn't and wouldn't show off my cleavage to that extent. It comes back to what I was trying to say earlier about distracting from the size.

The plus size bloggers have actually succeeded in making me feel better about myself and my size, probably not in the way they intended but still, I looked in the mirror this morning and for the first time in a long time I felt slim and attractive.

This really is my last post now, but thank you all for your individual inputs.

OP posts:
DiamondsnPearls · 04/01/2018 12:17

It sounds like Sam Rowswell would be right up your street: @fattyboomtatty on Instagram, she's not tall but into all the prints, 70's etc x