Page 5 | You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

Kittypillar · 29/12/2017 12:35

Argh so sorry about this @Trueheart1. I completely sympathise, I'm not a vegetarian myself (used to be and do generally eat veggie meals most of the time but not always) but the entirety of my mum's side of the family are, and I've heard so many stories from them about this sort of thing.

I think you need to talk to MIL about this. Awkward but if you want it to get better and not want to have to avoid dinner at theirs for all of time, I think it's necessary. Just be as polite about it as is possible - explain it just wasn't a great experience when you could barely eat anything, and say if it's ever an inconvenience you'd always be happy bringing some things for yourself to make it easier (even though you shouldn't have to offer that). If she gets upset, that's a shame, but I think she needs to hear it. Also get your DH on side too. It's his family so he needs to at least show some support for you, plus I would be absolutely mortified if I'd brought my vegetarian OH to my house and my family didn't even try to cater for him!

Alternatively, say you'd love to do the hosting next year and make sure that every single edible thing in the house vegetarian

UnicornRainbowColours · 29/12/2017 12:36

That’s very unfair you cater for everyone you invite!

neveradullmoment99 · 29/12/2017 12:36

Yes, its bad. My ds and his wife are vegetarian. I hosted Christmas a couple of years back. I made a nut roast for them and everyone else had ham/beef. We dont like turkey. In previous years I have made spinach and cheese lasagne which goes down a treat, even for non veggies.

brizzledrizzle · 29/12/2017 12:36

*If your husband wants you to attend his family's Christmas and get no main course then you take your issue to him surely?

If this mil absolutely won't allow you to bring your own main course next year then don't go. And don't do any of the communicating, this is for your dh to sort out.*

It's the 21st century, surely women can speak for themselves instead of needing their dh to do it for them? this might be why my MIL hated me

Whocansay · 29/12/2017 12:37

I don't think this woman is lovely. I think she is being massively passive aggressive and rude. She deliberately did this, as you offered to bring food and she told you not to.

I wouldn't go again and I would tell her why.

If you invite someone to dinner, you provide food that the guest can eat. This is surely a basic rule of hosting?

Firesuit · 29/12/2017 12:38

I'm not a vegetarian and don't cook, but..

I'm shocked at vegetarians who think some dry boiled vegetables are an adequate meal, let alone a festive one.

I also raise my eyebrows at the idea of veggie sausages or nut cutlets. Though they may taste OK, if I were vegetarian I imagine I wouldn't have a style of cooking based on meat-orientated dishes with meat-substitutes, that seems kind of sad and lacking in imagination to me. I think I would look to various asian dishes, curries, fried rice etc which have lots of flavour and the presence or not of actual meat is fairly incidental.

A frozen vegetarian pizza from Iceland (heated up) or even just a garlic bread pizza (literally nothing more than pizza bread with garlic butter on it) would have been infinitely tastier than what the OP got to eat, and would have been no effort at all.

WhenLoveAndCakeCollide · 29/12/2017 12:38

I wonder if those who seem to think it was fine for OP's MIL to just serve the vegetarians a plate of dry vegetables, would be happy to be served that themselves? I suspect not.

YellowFlower201 · 29/12/2017 12:39

She doesn't sound very nice. If she didn't know what to cook she should have asked you. Rude!
Make an all veggie Christmas dinner next year. I say that as a meat eater btw!

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 12:39

Out of interest, did MIL announce 'oh you can't have the gravy/stuffing/Christmas pudding' or did you have to ask to find out? If the former then very rude, if the latter then she might genuinely not have realised you'd not eat those things, so might do better next year.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2017 12:41

I'm sorry but the ignorance and such like just doesn't wash.

Not when there are three people who could be asked about what they eat. And at least one offered to bring the food.

Why is someone who presumably asks market people for the veg, butchers about the Turkey, supermarket staff where stuff is, suddenly incapable of asking a vegetarian what that eat?

People excuse so much shit because they assume anyone over the age of 30 is I capable of anything?

Yet somehow they are able to read timetables to get places on buses , they can certainly call otger family members to bitch and moan about people but suddenly can't use a phone to call the person they should be calling?

It's all nonsense. They can do it if they want to but they choose not to.

"Excuse me mr/Mrs staff member could you tell me where the bread sticks are oh and the vege meals"

See not hard.

They'd ask where the stuff they want is.

MissEliza · 29/12/2017 12:42

Yep passive aggressive way of saying she doesn't agree with your vegetarianism. My df used to do that kind of thing with my vegetarian cousin.

NovemberWitch · 29/12/2017 12:43

I do find it infuriating, the number of events I’ ve attended and paid for vegetarian food, only to find the omnivores have scoffed it. Insisted on a refund a number of times.
I do like the idea of ordering a takeaway delivered.

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 12:43

I also raise my eyebrows at the idea of veggie sausages or nut cutlets. Though they may taste OK, if I were vegetarian I imagine I wouldn't have a style of cooking based on meat-orientated dishes with meat-substitutes, that seems kind of sad and lacking in imagination to me. I think I would look to various asian dishes, curries, fried rice etc which have lots of flavour and the presence or not of actual meat is fairly incidental

What, for Christmas dinner?! That's how we cook a lot of the time (though not always - you still sometimes fancy 'British' food if you're veggie!) but vegetarians are as likely to want a traditional Christmas dinner as anyone else - it's a ritual. Being given a pizza while everyone else ate a Christmas dinner would be properly shit, no matter what you 'imagine' hypothetical veggie you would want!

Firesuit · 29/12/2017 12:44

Although I suppose meat substitutes make sense if you are catering for a mixed group, and want to serve similar food to both. (I did say I don't cook!)

PersianCatLady · 29/12/2017 12:44

If you knew she was like this, why didn't you take your own Bisto vegetarian gravy with you so you could at least enjoy the vegetables??

I do that because it is easier than being hungry or getting people to make something just for me.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 29/12/2017 12:45

this has happened to me so many times at buffets. Even when there veggie suitable food, the meat eaters have it all.
I’m not vegetarian but have noticed this too, so if I have any say I always ensure there is plenty if vegetarian food for everyone. The same for gluten-free food for coeliacs.

Original poster

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 12:48

Magret Cavendish when we were serving ourselves I asked if the stuffing was vegetarian and she told me it wasn't and neither was the gravy.

For those asking, there were no Yorkshire puddings or parsnips.

OP posts:

Rudgie47 · 29/12/2017 12:48

I'm a vegetarian and I made a vegan Mushroom and Chesnut Wellington.I'd want something along these lines if I was having an Xmas dinner out. A nut cutlet or vege burger wouldnt be good enough and neither are those quorn roasts.
MIL should have got you something decent from M and S.I would have just said I was off and gone home. Shes a selfish person.

Firesuit · 29/12/2017 12:49

What, for Christmas dinner?!

Cross-posted. No, for Chrismas dinner in a mixed group, you're right.

Also, I was imagining what I would like. On the whole I think I'd rather eat pizza followed by ice-cream on a sticky toffee pudding, than a traditional Christmas lunch, even though I like that to.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 12:49

I also raise my eyebrows at the idea of veggie sausages or nut cutlets. Though they may taste OK, if I were vegetarian I imagine I wouldn't have a style of cooking based on meat-orientated dishes with meat-substitutes, that seems kind of sad and lacking in imagination to me. I think I would look to various asian dishes, curries, fried rice etc which have lots of flavour and the presence or not of actual meat is fairly incidental

What, for Christmas dinner?! That's how we cook a lot of the time (though not always - you still sometimes fancy 'British' food if you're veggie!) but vegetarians are as likely to want a traditional Christmas dinner as anyone else - it's a ritual. Being given a pizza while everyone else ate a Christmas dinner would be properly shit, no matter what you 'imagine' hypothetical veggie you would want!

When I was veggie I always had cauliflower cheese with a roast. I liked it just as much. Definitely has to be gravy too! It’s easier to make nice veggie gravy than people think as well, (so long as you don’t mind Bisto)! Agree that eating fried rice while everyone else had a roast would be a bit weird. I hate LM sausages. And don’t get me started on Cauldron sausages , (not envy).

Original poster

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 12:50

Persiancatlady I did not know she was like this. She has not cooked for me before.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2017 12:50

Sashkin she is a really lovely person. I would never want to upset her She put a lot of effort into Christmas but I think she views vegetarians as being ridiculous.

Then she's not a really lovely person.

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 12:54

Then that is properly rude, as she clearly knew she wasn't bothering to provide you with most of a dinner!

if you go again next year then insist on bringing your own main and gravy.

TheVoiceOfTreason · 29/12/2017 12:54

That's terrible!! I'm a meat eater but I would never do this. My MIL is vegetarian and I've already thought about what I will cook for her at Christmas when we have our own place with a spare room for her to stay in and can have her down for it. (The conclusion was nut roast).

I'm really sorry you had to put up with being treated like that. Hope it didn't completely ruin your Christmas.

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 12:55

My DD is vegetarian. I cooked the rest of us turkey, stuffing with bacon, meat stock gravy etc. For my DD I made a terrine with it's own stuffing and toasted nuts etc, made her own gravy with veg stock and some veg granules. I did the potatoes in oil rather than goose fat. Everything else she could have, such as homemade bread sauce which she loves. I made an orange mousse with vege gel (which didn't quite set!) tio serve with the vegetarian christmas put. It really wasn't that difficult with a little thought and planning. I made the pud, terrine etc on 24th.