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Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
whattoweartomorrow · 29/12/2017 12:55

My mother is the most traditional eater and cook in the world. The first time DH, who is vegetarian, was coming for Christmas dinner she fretted for weeks, did loads of research, and gave me an array of options she had thought about in advance.

If she had not said anything and given him random vegetables, I would
Have said something, because he is my husband and it is showing disrespect not to feed him. If your DH is worried about upsetting his stepmother, I think he should at least speak to his father- stating clearly, three of your guests were hungry and fed inadequately on a day of celebration and as a result we won't come back is necessary as he needs to step up and provide an alternative. This year, we cooked a vegetarian main and brought it and everyone ate some as well as turkey as it is a lot for my mum and easy for us, but everything else was veggie and she would happily have bought something in. This was unacceptably rude and if nobody points it out it will continue. I would have, on the day, as the non-vegetarian spouse said 'oh, where is the veggies main? Oh, did you forget to get them something? What can we improvise?'

Your DH needs to be thinking of a solution here.

Firesuit · 29/12/2017 12:56

I was brought up on traditional British cooking, but have been eating Asian dishes for most of my adult life, and to be honest even a Christmas dinner (as the epitome of British-style home-made food) is now less nice for me than fried rice or noodle dishes I eat multiple times every month. And although I enjoy the meat in those, much of the enjoyment would still be there if you substituted nuts/mushrooms/tofu for the meat.

PersianCatLady · 29/12/2017 12:56

Persiancatlady I did not know she was like this. She has not cooked for me before
I misread your OP, I thought that she didn't agree with being vegetarian because she likes fox-hunting.

Get one of those zippy sandwich bags and put a few spoonfuls of vegetarian gravy granules in it and you will at least be able to enjoy the vegetables next time.

Also that is your gravy not gravy for every carnivore at the table who just "wants to try it" or can't be arsed to go to the kitchen to make more meat gravy.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 12:57

Christmas dinner is already OTT. There really is no need to make vegetarian alternatives to the meat options, there is enough veg to go around without that.

So would you be fine with serving everyone a plate of vegetables on Christmas Day - meat eaters included - and consider them adequately catered for? Or is it just vegetarians you think should be happy with half a dinner?

LoniceraJaponica · 29/12/2017 12:57

Christmas dinner, along with all the traditional Christmas dinner accompanimets. The only thing that was lacking were the veggie pigs in blankets. Quorn sausages are fine, but quorn bacon doesn't work as pigs in blankets. OH an I had proper pigs in balnkets, but they were the only non vegetarian part of the meal.

TheProvincialLady · 29/12/2017 12:57

A pro-fox hunting person who deliberately served three vegetarians with a crap meal when she’d been offered help doesn’t sound very lovely to me.

Besides, next year’s Christmas dinner invitation is just that - an invitation, not summons. If you don’t want to go then you don’t have to, for any reason. If you do decide to go then make it clear that you are happy to bring vegetarian dishes but you are NOT happy to eat nothing but a few boiled vegetables. Personally I wouldn't accept that kind of ‘hospitality’ twice. I can’t inagine inviting ANYONE to my home to eat an inadequate meal while watching others tuck into something substantial.

IrianOfW · 29/12/2017 12:59

Its not hard to cater for a veggie. My eldest two are vegetarian and it's simple enough to stick a quorn roast in the oven and use some onion gravy granules for an extra jug of gravy. We had a 13 lb turkey, two sorts of stuffing, heaps of parnsips and potatoes and a quorn roast and veggie sausages in our moderately sized oven. If she won't allow you to take your own stuff next year, stay at home

Ontheboardwalk · 29/12/2017 12:59

I’m on the fence re Yorkshire puds with Christmas dinner but no parsnips! That’s wrong on so many levels. Even I managed to feed my vegi guest roast and mashed parsnips - with gravy

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 13:00

I'm a small amount of meat eater but hate the way some meat eaters are passive aggressive about vegetarians. Last year my sister tried to pour meaty gravy over my DD's food saying it was vege and winking at me??!!! She was really annoyed that I stopped her. i mean , really?? Is it some kind of power trip to make them eat meat? I hate the way James Martin always moans about vegetarians too.

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 13:01

Christmas dinner is already OTT. There really is no need to make vegetarian alternatives to the meat options, there is enough veg to go around without that.

Are you vegetarian?

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 13:02

My DD dislikes quorn roasts which I understand , it does seem weird to make something look like meat when you don't eat meat!

user1474652148 · 29/12/2017 13:02

I don't think it is about the food, anyone can rustle up a veggie side dish and some veg gravy.
This was her moment to say she does not agree with your choice of not eating meat. A protest to ensure you know that she likes fox hunting and meat and does not tolerate anything else in her house.
Good luck with her she sounds like a really unpleasant person whom id stuck in the dark ages.
Your dh should be doing a lot more to support you on this.
I am sorry to say you are going to have your work cut out with her. I hope she lives a long way away

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 29/12/2017 13:02

Well, due to severe food allergies, we have a very restricted diet so instead of making it so bloody difficult for hosts that invite us for dinner, we always offer to bring something we can eat and complement with whatever they have in offer that we can eat.

I have to say that as a person with a very restricted diet, I despise vegetarians who expect me to cook a full dinner especially for them if I am catering for a mixed group, I especially resent those who do it in moral grounds. Shitty entitled attitude IMO. If you are so concerned about your choice of diet or beliefs be more proactive about it and bring something to share with you.

SaucyJack · 29/12/2017 13:03

There's really no need to have a special jug of gravy just for the vegetarians if it's just ordinary gravy granules Persian. It just perpetuates the idea that there's something weird or "other" about vegetarian food.

Most of the bog standard gravies in the cardboard tubs are veggie. Even the chicken flavour. It's not a niche product that needs to be guarded.

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 13:04

I have to say that as a person with a very restricted diet, I despise vegetarians who expect me to cook a full dinner especially for them if I am catering for a mixed group, I especially resent those who do it in moral grounds.

Just wow! Idiot!

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2017 13:05

Oh god yes ms

I was vege for quite a long time. Usually I'd just decline stuff politely and help myself to what I could eat. Order the vege option in a restaurant etc

And all people did/do is pretend to trick you like that with gravy then start hounding to as to why you won't eat meat etc then have the nerve to accuse you of spouting your views etc

No i just said no thank you while you all sit there making over exaggerated yummy noises every mouthful of burger and bacon and turkey etc

And somehow in the one in the wrong?

Piss off.

It's deliverate. It's always deliverberate. Comments such as "oh no you can't eat that it's cooked in X" prove you know exactly what a vege is and it's not a mistake ffs

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 29/12/2017 13:05

The problem is that when you are not vegetarian, you don’t even know that it is so simple. For most non vegetarian people imagine a main without meat or that vegetarian gravy granules exist doesn’t come easily.

MargaretCavendish · 29/12/2017 13:05

I have to say that as a person with a very restricted diet, I despise vegetarians who expect me to cook a full dinner especially for them if I am catering for a mixed group, I especially resent those who do it in moral grounds. Shitty entitled attitude IMO. If you are so concerned about your choice of diet or beliefs be more proactive about it and bring something to share with you.

OP did offer to bring something and was told no!

And don't worry, I doubt people are queuing up to be subject to your delightful and gracious hosting. I for one would happily give dinner round yours a miss.

Rebeccaslicker · 29/12/2017 13:07

I'm veggie and I can't bear the thought of making other people's lives more difficult because of me - I always say that they mustn't cook anything special and insist that we go wherever everyone else wants to eat, as even gaucho has a veggie option! Most people insist on cooking anyway; others have let me bring a veggie thing to bang in the oven if they're otherwise too busy.

But that's very different to being the host and not catering for your guests. This sounds passive aggressive to me.

IrianOfW · 29/12/2017 13:07

Agree that is't not niche saucy, but as a non-vegetarian I prefer proper gravy made with meat juice hence the different gravy being essential.

extinctspecies · 29/12/2017 13:07

That's not on. It's so easy to make a delicious, festive chestnut vegetarian stuffing.

Your hostess was rude & out of order.

Worriedrose · 29/12/2017 13:07

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant
You're an actual...

If you came to my house I would sneak some gluten (or whatever made you unwell) into your food and watch you suffer Grin

Oh no... I wouldn't, because I'm a nice normal person and I care, no matter how awkward it would be for me
So many twats on this thread. I'm surprised you have any real friends

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/12/2017 13:07

That’s pretty rubbish.

I’m vegetarian & went to friends for Christmas, it’s what we do most years. They have occasionally bought a vegetarian dish (plaits, wellingtons etc) but in recent years I have insisted they don’t, there is far too much to do already for a Christmas Dinner without yet another thing. However, they do stuffing, roast potatoes, roast parsnips & (without starting a different debate!!) Yorkshire puddings...all vegetarian. Plus, obviously, 68 different veg. Oh...and Bisto gravy.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 29/12/2017 13:07

Thank you, I woukdn’t Like to have you either.

Having said that, I am happy to cook vegetarian stuff for people who do not send me a list of conditions I need to follow before hand. I always struggle with the main though..

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 13:08

Went to my parents and was able to eat everything but the turkey. All very nice.
I have to say that if people came to my place to eat, they wouldn't get meat so I suppose I cant blame people for not making extra vegetarian things.