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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
NotYetMadeYourMindUp · 29/12/2017 11:26

Just tell her you won't be attending next year, and tell her why.

You can dress it up as not wanting to put her out if you're politer than she is.

TheNaze73 · 29/12/2017 11:26

Being your own nut roast

Namechangetempissue · 29/12/2017 11:29

That's awful. How hard is it to get a single serving of a veggie option? It's not even expensive to do. I have a proper mix of vegetarian, vegan and meat eaters in my family and made sure I catered for all at Christmas -it wasn't hard.

Mulch · 29/12/2017 11:29

Naze op said she offered to bring food. I wouldn't be visiting again

LoniceraJaponica · 29/12/2017 11:30

I agree with NotYet

DD is vegetarian. We had a delicious vegetarian Christmas dinner. Everything was vegetarian/vegan, except for the pigs in blankets that I did for OH and me (cooked separately). It wasn't difficult.

If you have to go, take your own food and just be thick skinned about upsetting her. After all she is upsetting you.

LoniceraJaponica · 29/12/2017 11:31

Or you could invite everyone to yours next year and only offer a vegetarian meal Grin

ChasedByBees · 29/12/2017 11:31

I would tell her I wouldn't go to her house for Christmas dinner and why, and I'd mean it. Then you can't be treated like that again.

cakeymccakington · 29/12/2017 11:32

Yes please please do loniceras suggestion :-D

Tinselistacky · 29/12/2017 11:32

Christmas at home next year.
Nasty cow - dh should have pulled her up at the time if you didn't feel able to.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2017 11:33

"She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?"
Well, I think you might have to ditch 'politely' because she will regard it as impolite, no matter how diplomatically you address the matter.

You need to be honest. Tell her that your Christmas meal was disappointing, as she CHOSE not to host the THREE vegetarians at her table. And since you know she's not a bad person you can only conclude that catering for vegetarians is beyond her culinary skills, and you wouldn't like to put that pressure on her again. (OK, that bit's a wee bit PA, but really, she deserves it.)

But seriously - honesty. Tell her what you could eat, just like you posted here. Tell her that's really not what you want for a Christmas dinner, which is supposed to be feasting. Ask her why she did it. And make it clear you're not going to have another Christmas dinner like that, ever again.

BrieAndChilli · 29/12/2017 11:34

Who were the other veggies? If your kids then I would assume she is trying to make a point and thinks your kids should eat meat /trying to force the ids to be hungry and want to eat the meat??!!
If the other veggies are from other families then she may have forgotten/not thought about what had meat in (not any better really but I often have DDs veggie friend over and I think about the meat but there is always other stuff I didn’t realise was not veggie eg mini cheddars etc

SandAndSea · 29/12/2017 11:34

Been there. Sadly, some people are really ignorant. I think you need to tell her straight why you won't be going again and how unwelcoming it was for you.

lastqueenofscotland · 29/12/2017 11:36

YANBU
I'm a veggie and try to make myself as hassle free as possible and ALWAYS offer to bring food for myself. If someone had told me not to and then didn't cater for me I'd be really upset.

RestingGrinchFace · 29/12/2017 11:37

But you still are most of the meal. (As a uncommitted vegetarian) I would consider that catered for. I have often attended Christmas meals where I just had sprouts and roasted veg. It never occurred to me that I hadn't been treated well because the host hadn't made me a special snowflake meal. Christmas dinner is already OTT. There really is no need to make vegetarian alternatives to the meat options, there is enough veg to go around without that.

Cheby · 29/12/2017 11:37

What did your DH say to her?

If my mum had done that to my DH I’d have pulled her up on it and gone to make him something from the fridge.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:37

BriandChilli all of the vegetarians were adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:38

My DH did not say anything, he is polite to a fault.

OP posts:
SnowyBerries · 29/12/2017 11:40

She should have provided a nut roast. Can you eat bisto and ready made sage and onion stuffing balls? If so that wouldn't have been hard to do

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:41

SnowyBerries, she prides herself on cooking everything from scratch, she told me before the meal that she had been cooking in advance for months. e.g. Christmas cake, sauces for boxing day meal.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 29/12/2017 11:41

"Christmas dinner is already OTT."

There's nothing OTT about a plate of dry boiled vegetables.

YANBU. You can buy perfectly nice veggie options in the frozen aisle at Tesco, and make up a small hug of Bisto. It's not difficult at all to cater for vegetarians these days if you give a fuck. And she clearly doesn't.

Is this the first time it's come up? What does she normally do when you go over for dinner?

BrieAndChilli · 29/12/2017 11:42

Next time she comes to you only serve veggie stuff and make sure it all has stuff she doesn’t like in eg if she doesn’t like mushroom then put it in everything!!

Middleoftheroad · 29/12/2017 11:42

I posted yesterday on the hospitality thread about MIL buffet when all I could eat was an Iceberg lettuce. After that I took my own dish, but she then shared it with 9 meat eaters who all had some!

Forget polite. Take your own dish and get DH to tell her if need be.

It's 2018 (nearly) yet sometimes being a vegetarian is hard. Went to a pub yesterday and it had run out of the only veggie choice...

JaneEyre70 · 29/12/2017 11:43

I don't see the harm in saying "sorry but after the disappointment of just getting a plate of vegetables this time and not being included in the catering, I'd prefer to host myself next time and know that I'm going to eat a meal like everyone else did". I'm a vegetarian, and I was so focused on getting the main right for everyone that I forgot to put my nut roast in the oven but least I could eat everything else including the stuffing and gravy as it was all suitable. How could she do that to 3 of you - I'd be really embarassed.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:43

SaucyJack This is the first time she has catered Christmas dinner. When we see her we have always eaten out, or if she is here we cater. She lives a long way away.

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 11:44

My DH did not say anything, he is polite to a fault.

Is he vegetarian?

So he's polite to his DM at the expense of his wife?

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