Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/12/2017 11:44

"But you still are most of the meal. (As a uncommitted vegetarian) I would consider that catered for."

I wouldn't. A dish of vegetables without gravy is so dull.

Eeeeek2 · 29/12/2017 11:44

I second the all vegetarian Xmas at you house next year (I’m a meat eater)

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 29/12/2017 11:45

I’m with @lonicera too. Invite them next year and only do veggie. Don’t warn them either . Though, if your mil is how you describe, might she end up presenting you with a ham on arrival at your house?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/12/2017 11:45

Your DH wasn't polite! How polite is it to watch your wife sit at Christmas dinner with a pile of sprouts (and no effing gravy!)

If he's not spitting feathers at the disrespect she's shown you I'd be worried

Sod going again next year. And yes just tell her the truth (sugar coat it if you don't want to be rude but frankly she's been extremely rude to you)

You offered to bring food to help. She decided to ignore all the vegetarians she had invited to dinner

Just as an aside. Were any of the vegetarians her family or all 'in laws'? Not that it makes the slightest difference i was just wondering what she'd do if her own precious son was vegetarian

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:47

My DH is not vegetarian. MIL is not his mother but his stepmother so we have only known her a few years. I call her MIL for convenience and the fact she is so much nicer than real MIL.

OP posts:
Lolly49 · 29/12/2017 11:47

My Dd only vegetarian out of 11 of us for xmas dinner.A very nice mushroom Wellington .It is not that difficult to cater for people if you can be arsed obviously she couldn't.
Don't go next year she is very rude.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:48

aaaargghh all of the vegetarians were not blood relations.

OP posts:
Paperdoll16 · 29/12/2017 11:48

Were any of the other adult vegetarians her own children? What about your FIL, did he not say anything? Did anyone? Confused

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:49

I meant aaaargghh all of the vegetarians were not her blood relations.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:49

No one said a word of complaint.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2017 11:51

But you still are most of the meal. (As a uncommitted vegetarian) I would consider that catered for

Bollocks is that catered for. Boiled vegetables are not a meal. How hard it is to buy a nut roast or some Linda McCartney sausages?

Cakeorchocolate · 29/12/2017 11:51

YANBU. I wouldn't be inviting vegetarians unless i had googled for recipes, bought something pre made or asked you or one of the other veggie invitees for ideas.

As for next year, depends on if you enjoyed the day around the lack of meal? If not then don't go, if yes only agree if you or dh speak to her about the food. Or tell her you'll being something too this time.

Cakeorchocolate · 29/12/2017 11:52

*bring

(Note to self to preview!)

Branleuse · 29/12/2017 11:52

I dont think it will be that difficult to decline next year if she didnt even provide you with a main. Its not just going round for a meal, its your xmas meal. Not the time for her to prove a point.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 11:52

I have been where you are. You need to be honest or this will happen again - tell her why you didn't enjoy the dinner and why you want to revert to hosting it yourself.

Your DH needs to grow a spine. There is polite and there is being a doormat.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:53

Cakeorchocoalte. The rest of Christmas was lovely. Just the catering that was very disappointing.

OP posts:
wrenika · 29/12/2017 11:54

You got something to eat. It's not as if your dietary requirements aren't a choice. You could have eaten everything and had a satisfying meal - you chose to leave bits. I wouldn't be cooking an alternative for someone unless there was a dietary requirement like an allergy or coeliac disease. There's enough to worry time with a christmas meal without making it unnecessarily harder!

cashmerecardigans · 29/12/2017 11:54

So rude! It's really not that hard, even if you do it from scratch.. I did a chestnut plait, veggie stuffing and separate onion gravy, all prepared beforehand and frozen. Then did a tray of separate roast potatoes, done in olive oil not goose fat.
I'd be mortified at offering what you had to a guest, so no I wouldn't go again if I were you.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:55

wrenika would you have the same attitude if it was a religious reason for not eating meat?

OP posts:
Sashkin · 29/12/2017 11:55

We are all vegetarians in our family and my DBro hates nut roast so we only have the vegetables - we do go all-out though, with roast potatoes, roast carrots and parsnips, mashed swede, red cabbage, cauliflower cheese and sprouts. There’s no room for nut roast on the plate! And obviously there is lots of gravy Wink

Is she generally a nice and hospitable person? Some people really are flummoxed by vegetarians, even today. Maybe she bumped into some vegetarians like us who told her they “didn't bother with a nut roast and just ate all the trimmings”, and she didn’t realise that meant that she needed to be making a lot more trimmings....

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:56

cashmerecardigans can I come to your house for Christmas dinner next year?Grin

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 29/12/2017 11:57

We catered for vegans, low carbers, carnivores and veggie's . I made an onion gravy and froze it last week. Also a lovely chestnut stuffing\roast (no animal products). Simple to defrost and cook on the day. Plus the normal.

I admit that it was a challenge to make a tiramisu with almond cakes!

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:58

Sashkin she is a really lovely person. I would never want to upset her She put a lot of effort into Christmas but I think she views vegetarians as being ridiculous.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 29/12/2017 11:58

There's something to be said for staying at home at Christmas with just your immediate family!!

Esker · 29/12/2017 11:58

If, apart from the meal (which of course was extremely poor form on her part) you enjoyed Christmas and are happy to go again, you could say "We'll be glad to come again next year, but I will be bringing some vegetarian food along to supplement the meal." If you get any pushback/ complaints based on that, tell her you won't come.

RestingGrinch I hardly think it is treating someone like a 'special snowflake' to provide food that they will enjoy when you host them!