You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

[Trueheart1]

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

She's not his mother squiddled

Just tell her. You have nothing to apologize for. She is in the wrong. I catered for a vegetarian on Xmas day. She just had what everyone else had with a Quorn chicken piece instead of the turkey. I checked before she came to see what she wanted. We just did her onion gravy instead of ours. You do have to be more careful and some people do try to give stuffing with pork in and goose fat potatoes etc. It's not difficult to cater for a Veggie. I think she was very rude.

My MIL catered for 25 on Boxing Day, beef, pork, turkey, ham etc.
There was 1 vegetarian coming and they were travelling a long distance. MIL knows I like to cook so asked if I could please make and bring along a vegetarian dish as she wouldn't have the time (or the inclination) to make one. This was the only contribution she asked from me and DH (3 course meal, cheese, chocs, wine etc all supplied by ILs). I made a huge wellington type thing which should serve about 8. The whole lot disappeared (vegetarian guest had 2 large slices before the carnivores set to it).
It isn't hard to do something for people with 'different' diets, especially if they offer to bring it themselves. No-one should be served up plain vegetables for their Christmas dinner.

You'll always get at least one meat eater in a thread like this, who seems to take it very personally that some people are vegetarian/vegan. I think it's not hard to work out which one it is today. 😄 It doesn't gave to be a drama, OP. Just precook something that you can eater reheat in the oven or microwave. I would even make enough for other veggies to share. I wouldn't even bother telling her you were doing that, as it saves getting into a long winded discussion. Also make an amazing dessert for everyone to share. Passive aggressive? Me?

Do you know the other two vegetarians well enough to combine efforts and make sure you have something nice next year, each take a course for three people?

@ wrenika

Are you the MIL?

FruitCider I would have brought food rather than money in

“These threads always run as if MNers marry their mothers in law and no pesky men are involved.”

I agree. Why did the husband not say anything?

this has happened to me so many times at buffets. Even when there veggie suitable food, the meat eaters have it all.

YES

As a veggie of 35 years I can't tell you the number of times meat eaters have gushed at me 'it's so delicious that you don't even miss the meat' whilst piling their plate with the less than plentiful halloumi/quorn/whatever option.

If you otherwise enjoyed Christmas and are happy to go then simply precook your own vegetarian gravy and meat free dish and take it with you. When she asks what it is and why you have brought it a simple "well I was bloody starving last year with my plate of boiled veg" and give her a hug.

This is pretty much what I was going to say.

IT Is just rude. There is virtually no difference between veg suet and beef suet
As someone else said, how hard is it to boil a kettle for some veg gravy

It's very passive aggressive. I would just be passive aggressive back.

I was vegetarian when I was a teenager and I remember all the vegetarians weren't allowed to go to the school Xmas lunch. We all had to sit in a classroom with a packed lunch! And one year it was just me!!!

That was the 90s, but I really didn't think anyone thought like that anymore.

Some people are pretty clueless as to the wants and needs of a vegan or vegetarian and think that a dinner without the meat is acceptable.

Why don’t you take your own main dish over next time and present it with “I realise you have enough to do without having to sort out a dish for us veggies too”. As there was three veggies, you really could have put your heads together and taken a veggie main, gravy and dessert between you. But no, it’s easier to moan and blame the host for your lifestyle choice.

Hubby and I rarely eat meat, but we do occasionally and hence don’t call ourselves vegetarian, but I’d certainly not think it was for my host to pander to my requirements even if I was vegan.

She’s not lovely if she thinks vegetarians are ridiculous and didn’t check/bother to cater for 3 people. Your DH should’ve said something, I think that’s not polite, it’s him being a wimp. No way would my DH sit and allow that, nor did he when I went to visit his parents and was vegetarian.

I find that sometimes my dm generation just don't know what to give vegetarians (and just presenting with a lot more vegetables has often been what I have had at a meal). Kindness and seeing it from their perspective is important I agree with this. I do think a lot of people just think well surely vegetables is what vegetarians eat so surely they'll be fine with veg (especially at Christmas when there is plenty of it). She likely just doesn't know any/many vegetarian dishes or alternatives and assumed you'd be fine with an abundance of veg - I don't think it's great to jump to the conclusion that she was doing it passively aggressively if she's an otherwise nice person

Tbh whilst I can see why you're annoyed I'm vegetarian and I wouldn't bat an eyelid about this, I'd just eat tons of veg and still enjoy myself. I don't really expect people to cater specifically for me especially when it's not like I'm going to go hungry, I love veg.

It is rude. In hindsight, rather than the generic 'should we bring anything?' a more specific 'do you want me to bring a vegetarian main dish?' might have been better, as she was unlikely to outright say 'oh no, I thought we just wouldn't bother with a main for you'. But hindsight is always 20/20, I'm sure you didn't expect her not to bother to cater for a fifth of the people eating!

As a veggie too that is the very worst christmas dinner possible.

I would tell her now that you were not made to feel welcome this christmas with just boiled vegetables for lunch, and clearly she isn't up to cooking veggie lunches so next christmas you have made plans already.
I would vow to never go there again for lunch or dinner or christmas or any occasion again. Foul woman

Totally right, you should carer if your inviting vegetarians. Don't go nextime, or bring your own food, but then you might have to share it with the other vegitarians.

I hope wrenika never invites vegetarians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews to dinner. They would be in for a disappointment.

Being your own nut roast really made me chuckle.

Of course people should cater for vegetarians!

Tempted to say do what Lonicera says, an all veggie Christmas meal at yours next year. However depending on her age she may find the travelling and staying away from home difficult so maybe that is her reason for wanting to host. If so, say up front that you would prefer to bring a vegetarian main if she isn’t going to provide one, together with any other elements that she would usually have animal products in, such as stuffing, as without them it isn’t really a proper celebration meal for the non-meat eaters.

Tbh she may just be out of her depth catering for you, but it needs addressing as you shouldn’t be made to feel that your dietary preferences are an inconvenience.

She likely just doesn't know any/many vegetarian dishes or alternatives and assumed you'd be fine with an abundance of veg

Is peas, carrots, Brussels sprouts and potatoes really an 'abundance of veg'?

If she is so nice in every other way then I wouldn’t say anything for this year but for next Christmas I would either host or if you are going there then take some food you know you and the others can eat.
My ds was vegetarian for a while and I was always so appreciative of those who took his dietary choice into consideration when hosting him.

MissTeri
It's 2017 ffs

Lots of old people are racist homophobic cunts. And guess what, I do not find it acceptable and I do not give a shit if that's the way it was in them olden golden days.

Things change. If my 87 yr father can cater for a vegetarian then anyone can.

@squiddled it's not his mother. Its his dad's wife.

It's probably not going to register if you bring it up. If she didnt register it on the day she's both rude and a poor host. Especially since you offered to bring something. I'd have been mortified if I'd invited someone if veg was all they could eat! If she's rude enough not to care enough to notice there's no point telling her.

Either a veggie feast at yours next year or you take everything you want to eat to hers even if she declines.

I’d take a dish with me if it was a day trip. If I was there for longer (visits to my in laws were usually three nights) I took a secret stash because vegetarians were alien to MIL. I liked them, so I worked round the problem.
If I don’t like my host, I’m less accommodating.