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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
oblada · 31/12/2017 18:31

This is not normal hosting tho - Xmas dinner is pretty 'set' usually... What of someone saying they don't like this meat? Or sprouts and potatoes? Or gravy? I don't know, I'm on the fence here, there were some vegs so I would have been happy personally.
I also remember that growing up I was expected to eat at least a bit of everything the host was making whether I liked it or not...vegs or meat... Times have changed and I'm sure its partly for the better but we are also becoming very entitled I think...

YouTheCat · 31/12/2017 18:38

Oblada, how is it entitled to offer to bring something veggie though? And I definitely wouldn't expect a non-meat eater to try some meat just to appease their host.

PurpleDaisies · 31/12/2017 18:38

This is not normal hosting tho - Xmas dinner is pretty 'set' usually... What of someone saying they don't like this meat? Or sprouts and potatoes? Or gravy?

As a host I’d make sure there were enough alternatives available. With Christmas dinner, there are loads of alternatives that can be done. I used to eat meat and catered for my vegetarian SIL with no problem at all.

Now I’m veggie, as a guest I offered to bring my own main meat substitute (which MIL accepted) and they made the vegetables vegetarian. Bisto is vegetarian so it’s not as if you need anything above a mug and a kettle to provide veggie gravy.

Pearlsaringer · 31/12/2017 18:39

Lunde please share it if you find it, it sounds lovely!

IsaSchmisa · 31/12/2017 19:57

How in the world is it entitled to offer to bring your own veggie dish? That's the opposite of entitled! It's making sure that nobody is impacted by your dietary choice.

IsaSchmisa · 31/12/2017 20:00

And yy re veggie gravy. I'd be miffed about not being able to have roasties done in fat, and the reality is that there's not always room in people's ovens for another tray. But gravy granules, a mug and a kettle- nobody who has space enough to host Christmas doesn't have those. Again it's hardly the pinnacle of entitlement.

charleyfarleysaunt · 31/12/2017 20:08

I guess I must 'pander' to my friends according to some PP Confused

Over the last 6 years I've had between 6-12 people out of which there are a combination of:

Vegetarian
Vegan
Gluten Free
Lactose intolerant
Peanut intolerance
Non beef
Non pork

Some allergies, some preferences and some religious

I don't give a shit why, I just care enough to make sure I have options for all!

Things like vegan/GF pud & cake from Asda, roast potatoes in olive oil, don't use chicken juices for gravy, random party food that is vegan/GF, etc... it aint that hard and I am by no means a great cook, but I care enough to make sure as HOST my GUESTS have a good time

oblada · 31/12/2017 20:09

I didn't say OP was entitled per say. Just that expectations have changed. Maybe MIL refused the help out of habit and didn't think it through.

I'm a veggie and I would have been OK with what was on offer and actually as an host I pretty much had that whereas my guests had meat+gravy+stuffing... No idea what a roast nut is lol but then my veggie lifestyle is very much influenced by the husband being Indian...

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 31/12/2017 20:12

Blink66 "- but also, it wouldn't hurt you to have some meat based gravy to be polite if nothing else was available"

Are you seriously suggesting that a vegetarian should eat meat to be polite? Do you think a Muslim or a Jew should eat pork to be polite? Or is it just vegetarians whose belief system does not matter.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 31/12/2017 20:16

True, it reminds me of the Nana in the Royale Family asking if the veggie gf could have wafer thin ham. Grin

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 31/12/2017 20:17

YouTheCat Smile

OP posts:
earlofhell · 31/12/2017 21:18

i quoted nana earlier youthecat, this thread is soo nana Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 01/01/2018 11:44

As I said, I don't like sage - I don't find it tragic I can't have stuffing.

You sound extremely set in your ways, @Blink66. You can put whatever herbs you want in stuffing.

mirialis · 01/01/2018 11:54

I had to cook a roast meal yesterday and was thinking about this thread - I chose beef and had some vegetarians, all very easy, and took leftovers home to DH, which included the mushroom gravy for the vegetarians and he loved it (he doesn't usually like mushrooms). Anyway, point of this post is a question: it struck me that I've never tried to make a vegan yorkshire pudding - is there such a thing? I know of course I could google it but if people have actually tried recipes and know of a good one, or the pros and cons of various recipes, I'd love to hear it.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 01/01/2018 11:57

I'd be miffed about not being able to have roasties done in fat

I didn't know until either Jamie Oliver or Delia Smith or whoever started wittering on about goose fat for roast potatoes that cooking roast potatoes in animal fat was even thing.

My mother used Cookeen and latterly olive oil and I've always used olive oil.

mirialis · 01/01/2018 11:59

Lass - From a health perspective, heated animal fat is actually better than most heated vegetable oils.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 01/01/2018 12:16

In the entire scheme of things given I rarely roast potatoes I'll take my chances. The thought of potatoes roasted in animal fat is pretty revolting.

liminality · 01/01/2018 12:20

Meat gravy is superior, meat roasted potatoes are superior

Only if you don't really know how to cook.
I can make a vegan dinner that would make you weep. Drawing on the culinary joys of 4 continents. You may even stop eating the flesh of other creatures Blink66!

IsaSchmisa · 01/01/2018 12:21

The taste of them is fucking amazing though. Take it from someone who's eaten plenty.

IsaSchmisa · 01/01/2018 12:28

Would the vegan dinner be a Christmas style meal though liminality? Because I think that's the big problem with Christmas- it's a meatfest. And you mention four continents.

I love meat and I also like lots of vegan dishes very much, especially when there's a bit of spice involved. I expect I'd very much enjoy what you cook. You're also probably better at cooking vegan than I am because you make it more- and I'm a decent cook, if nothing spectacular.

The problem is fitting them in with Christmas eating traditions. Even the desserts have animal in them sometimes, never mind the side dishes! I've eaten the usual veggie side dishes to a roast before and they're fine, but for me none of them match the meaty Christmas dinner. Whereas there are non-Christmassy vegan meals I find to be at a similar level of tastiness, but they don't match everything else that's being served.

Thinking as well about traditional Christmas meals in non-European Christian groups, they're all meaty too. Even Christians from India, probably the best place on the planet to be a vegan, have meat in their traditional Christmas meals.

Is there something I'm missing?

Whinesalot · 01/01/2018 12:32

But why didn't you say anything?
I just don't understand why people don't point out the obvious. And then to politely thank her enthusiastically afterwards. Madness.

There is something dysfunctional about these type of families.
A. For this situation to arise in the first place
B. To not feel able to call people out on this type of behaviour - intentional or not.

Next year refuse to go and explain why.

Hallamoo · 01/01/2018 12:39

Meat gravy is superior, meat roasted potatoes are superior

Surely that is a matter of personal taste? They aren't superior imo.

It is not difficult to do a traditional Christmas dinner that is vegetarian or vegan, without compromising on taste, in my opinion, but I would never assume that my personal tastes are superior to someone else's.

SoupDragon · 01/01/2018 12:45

It is not difficult to do a traditional Christmas dinner that is vegetarian or vegan, without compromising on taste, in my opinion

Given meat is a central part of a "traditional Christmas dinner" I would say it's impossible to do a vegetarian one :)

I agree that it is entirely possible to make all the accompaniments vegetarian without compromise though. I'm not sure about vegan as I have no experience of tha at.

IsaSchmisa · 01/01/2018 12:45

Hmm, I'm prepared to accept that roast potatoes might be a matter of opinion. Bisto vs proper gravy less so...

Not that any of this is relevant because OP was going to bring her own!

SuburbanRhonda · 01/01/2018 12:50

Given meat is a central part of a "traditional Christmas dinner" I would say it's impossible to do a vegetarian one

That’s a bit pedantic!

As time goes on and more and more people eat less meat for health and environmental reasons, I expect the “traditional” Christmas dinner will stop being the norm.

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