To tell my DCs "Don't even think about it"?

[inabizzlefam]

My Dcs seem to be under the impression that when they marry and have children, i'm going to provide them, as a "loving grandparent", with free childcare whilst they go to work.
AIBU in telling them that, whilst I have no problem with babysitting if they want to go out for an evening, they will have to get a full time childminder or Nanny in order to pursue their careers?

Not unreasonable at all. I’ve never understood the expectation of free childcare, it’s rude.

Yanbu to tell them that if you don't want to provide childcare. Your life, you're choice.

Personally, I'd be happy to help facilitate my daughter's future career by helping with dc if that's what she wanted me to do - perhaps not full time but definitely two or three days per week, assuming that I've retired by the time she has little ones and am healthy enough to take it on. Of course, that assumes that she will live near enough for me to do that, which may not be the case.

Your not you're!

How old are your kids?

Depends on so many things: the time you have, if you are retire or not, your health, your OH, how comfortable you are money-wise, etc. But, most importantly, have the DC really earned it or is it a lazy way out for them? I do believe the challenges for the millenials are harder. Will you be helping them to get on the property ladder in time? This will save them some money for child care options.
Like I said, so many factors to consider.

Yanbu. Though at 650/month for 3 days could be a nice earner for you

Yadnbu !!!!! There is quite a big age gap between my eldest and youngest. Therefore it feels like I've been bringing up kids for a trillion years !!!! My eldest knows. ...under no circumstances am I going to be her childminder! !!!

Depends - was your career facilitated by a parent when your kids were young? Will you be selling the family home to your children for what you paid for it 20 years ago, and not four times as much? Obviously you have no obligation to lift a finger for your children once they're adults but if you benefited from the last generation paying it forward you should consider it, at least.

This may sound harsh but I don't think that they are trying to get onto the housing ladder has anything to do with it.
And if I am retired or not does not matter, surely? Or does that mean I have "time" to look after my grandchildren and nothing else to do?
Why does this generation automatically assume that they can have a baby then bugger off back to work leaving the grandparents doing the same childrearing they've already done?
AIBU in telling my DCs that they have to pay for childcare or (shock, horror)do it themselves?

Yabu
If parents can't help their own kids then who can.

Like I said, if they want a babysitter to go out for the evening , fine.
But it's this "entitled expectation" that I will give up my life for them to pursue their careers that pisses me off

Not unreasonable at all!
I have four adult children... (just) and if they have children I can assume that I'll still be working then and not available for free child care. Plus,frankly I have done my child raising. Babysitting if they are local, sure, but unpaid child care.. no. I never expected (or received ) it from my parents and I'm pretty sure they don't expect it from me. I love my kids and am still supporting 3 of them who live at home still, but when they have children, then they are their responsibility!

YABU. You should help your children get on the housing ladder first of course. This might mean that you won't be able to retire if you are not already. I guess you're not.
When their children arrive, you should volunteer to provide all necessary childcare. You will need to give up your job, and you should not expect or ask for any money from your DCs.
I don't know how many DCs you have, but you should do this for each of them.
In return, your DCs will be on here or their partners will, be posting about their MIL. In AIBU.

My dm told us she wouldn't be providing childcare, i didn't expect her to though and she is at work anyway. She will watch them if its an emergency and she is in. Other DGPs work but will take them on holiday, have them overnight etc.

My dm had me when she was a teenager followed by another then had another 2 in her 30s, she said her days of looking after kids is over.

Oh good god no, yanbu. Having children is a choice (most of the time). You have raised your kids, you aren't beholden to them to care for grandkids for free. It's a nice thing to do, if you want to do it, but the expectation would get my back up.

My mum did it for me, willingly. If I can help I will but there are a lot of variables obviously.

I've made it clear to my boys that I intend to spoil their children when I babysit them, but no way in hell will I be looking after their kids while they work. Happy to help out now and again, but I'm not raring the next generation. TBF, I did word it nicer than that. 😁

Loving the fact that entitled adult children are already posting here demanding that we owe a living to them, because we own a house, which they seem to forget they have also benefitted from as children growing up in it. Basically we owe them the rest of our life as we gave birth to/adopted/became parental figures to them. Many of us have already given up or stalled careers to look after them, so now we should spend the rest of our lives doing the same so they can build their own careers. Nah, you're alright, thanks.

My mum told me that she will not provide childcare at all. She never has and I wouldn't ask her to because she's so against it, even in an emergency.

If parents can't help their own kids then who can

I know it's a really weird suggestion, but childminders, nurseries, etc. 😐

Wind up posts are just so boring.

inabizzlefam, have they said anything to indicate that they have this expectation, or are you just anticipating it? If they've dropped hints, be quite clear about your intentions. My mum did exactly that when I got married, but we weren't really expecting her to pitch in.

I think that YANBU. Previous post was tongue in cheek (if you didn't guess). There does to be a sense of entitlement to free childcare on MN.

DD tells me I am an abnormal mother for not wanting to look after her DC’s ( none as yet and she’s 18)
It’s up to her if she has children not me
I never ever had even one hour of childcare from my parents or in laws due to health or distance
The presumption is so wrong

Yanbu, it's your choice, of course. But 'this generation' need to go back to work after having kids because house prices are much higher relative to average salaries than they used to be, wages are not growing as they used to and so it's very difficult to have only one income for most people. That's why people are relying on grandparents, and of course the cost of childcare as well. It's good to make your expectations clear to your kids as well because then they can plan accordingly.

Yanbu it is your choice. My mum and my MIL have generously looked after my DC not full time but very regularly. Happily and willingly and have thereby facilitated me and my DH to have very successful careers in the city. I am very very grateful for this as I could not have done this without them. DC are very close to them all. I hope we can support them in their old age as generously as they have helped us. We are so fortunate to have this support network and I am thankful every day for them.