Bloody MIL

[silenceisadistantmemory]

She's a walking apology. It's not even passive aggressive. When she asks which chair it would be ok to sit in, she really means it!

Only if you're having one.

May I have a shower please?

Everything is death and gloom and illness as well.

She's retired, loaded and physically ok for a woman her age.

ARGH!!!!

omg she asks where to sit and if it's ok if she uses the shower

the bitch

Are you my sil? My mil is exactly like that it drives me mental, just have an opinion ffs!

Yanbu at all. I know a woman like this and it drives me bonkers.

I'm teaching the woman I know like this to swim. At the end of every length she says something like 'oh, I'm just terrible at this, I'm so sorry, it must be awful teaching me.' Well, yes it is, but it's nothing to do with your standard.

I thought that if you have someone to stay, it's generally expected that they will sit on seats and have a wash occasionally.

Clearly not!

Better than being rude though.

MILS really can't win.

Apart from the death and gloom part she just sounds polite to me!

Why don't you try to be nice OP? She's trying not to step on your toes. I'd rather it that way than any other. Poor MIL. YABU

To me, this is rude.

Being so stiffly formal and suggesting that we might not let her use the shower, sit on the sofa, eat food, drink tea, is very rude.

We're all on edge.

Gosh people just can't win can they?

We're all different. It's Christmas. Be nice.

Why do I have to give her permission every five min?

Feels like an extra child

Ew. Horrible thread again.

Poor woman is probably just being polite, not everyone feels 100% comfortable in other people’s houses.

I appreciate guests asking me if it’s ok to jump in the shower (which of course it is) Just so I can reboot the hot water as it runs out really quickly.

I can see it's a bit annoying, but it sounds like the poor woman is just doing her best to be polite and not step on your corns because she doesn't feel relaxed with you.

She probably just feels awkward in your house.

I feel like every woman I know is like this at the moment. I find it utterly exhausting. The constant 'oh it's ok' when they apologise for breathing, and having to answer the constant questions about if it's ok to breathe. I just feel drained after seeing them and I have two at the same time at work.

I disagree, she's making an effort. She's obviously trying to be polite even if a bit overly so/clumsy.
You'd soon be complaining if she just did whatever she wanted regardless of anyone else's needs/wants.

Op, I get you. On the one hand my MIL expects to be able to invite herself over and be treated like close family. On the other hand she expects to keep her shoes on like a formal visitor and asks EVERY time if she can use the loo and which one should she use. We have a downstairs loo. Generally speaking, she should use that one and she doesn’t have to ask. We’ve been doing this for 15 years now.

Anyone who is a walking apology and the height of timidity, is annoying

She is being polite and respectful URBVU

I've got similar here. Asking her if she wants a cup of tea results in a stream of consciousness only if you're having one who else is having one only if you're sure etc etc. Just a yes or no, please! Despite this ostentatious show of not wanting to put anyone out even when they're asking if she wants tea, she's not lifted one manicured finger to help or offered to do so. It's a 4 day stay. (She bought my kids an oxfam goat and chicken for Christmas)

For the record, when staying in other people's houses most people ask if it's ok to use the shower.

I don't know that it's formal. My Mum is like this and it's because she genuinely does not want to be a bother or put anyone out.

Drives me mad but at least I can tease her - gently.

And yes, far better than a sense of entitlement.

On the shower thing, understandable if it's one shared family bathroom and there's competition to get in there, less so if she's got her own en suite

I would always ask if it was ok to take a shower at someone else's house, even my parents. It's just polite.

The other stuff might annoy me but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just being polite

The OP wouldn't have started this thread if her MIL was just being polite.