Bloody MIL

[silenceisadistantmemory]

She's a walking apology. It's not even passive aggressive. When she asks which chair it would be ok to sit in, she really means it!

Only if you're having one.

May I have a shower please?

Everything is death and gloom and illness as well.

She's retired, loaded and physically ok for a woman her age.

ARGH!!!!

Exactly Emily. We have 2 bathrooms but as they’re are seven of us over Xmas, we’ve all been “negotiating” re who’s going next, since the 23rd.

Im not sure why anyone would find that annoying.

With my MIL, she keeps asking permission, and seems incapable of working things out for herself. For example, when I'm in the process of getting the DDs ready for school, they need to use the toilet, get washed and clean their teeth. Surely it isn't rocket science to work out that I need the bathroom to be free during the half an hour before school in order for those things to happen? And how does it inconvenience her to wait until they have left to have her 20 minute turn in the bathroom??

It's more a case of her asking silly questions when I'm stressed already that really gets on my nerves!!

"In a standard one bathroom house, how can it possibly be rude to ask if it's ok for a shower?!"

When I stay with a friend who works, I ask her at the beginning of my stay if there are times she needs priority in the bathroom so she can get to work. She said no, my start time is flexible. From then on, I took a shower whenever I wanted. It would only really be an issue if someone had to be in the shower at 7.15 and you were in there. Not so likely to happen when people are off work anyway.

The thing of checking if anyone needs to use the toilet before you have a shower usually causes more problems, I find. In the time it takes to check with everyone you could have been in and out. Only really necessary if you're going to have a long bath.

@Runningwithscissors12 I love that term, it so accurately describes my DMum.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor 😂😉

Some of you sound awful. Horrible in fact.

I wonder what would happen if the people who refuse to answer the tea/coffee question were regularly presented with a tray containing one cup of tea and one cup of coffee with an individual little jug of milk and sugar bowl - such that it is made obvious that failure to state a preference will always be more work?

People are getting hung up on the shower thing. If you've been told that it's ok to take a shower whenever you want, there is unlimited hit water, no time pressures due to being on holiday etc, would you still keep asking if it was ok? Then ask if it's ok to use the toilet? And brush your teeth? Spend ten minutes in conversation about whether it's less trouble to have a tea or a coffee made for you?

I want them to come here. When I say make yourself at home, I mean it. I will absolutely concede that it's preferable to being screamed at by an alcoholic or being lorded over by a judgemental bitch but it's still fucking annoying.

Day 1: "Is it ok to have a shower?" Response "please do the second bathroom is for your use and we have unlimited hot water. Please make yourself at home."

That's assuming everyone has a second bathroom for guests. It's not an assumption. The op has states thy have two bathrooms and an unlimited supply of hot water.

Asking once or twice if it's ok to use the shower might be polite, asking repeatedly despite being told it's fine repeatedly isn't.

EnidButton you're wrong. I have been on the receiving end of behaviour such as that the OP is complaining about, and I still think that complaints about it are churlish, unkind and lacking in empathy. I could see why the person might feel and act as they do, and also guess that their intentions were positive, rather than a calculated attempt to annoy.

There are surely enough people in life who want to do harm, or don't care about causing it, to get annoyed with. Why not give credit to those who have good intentions?

She's gone. After telling me she's put a bag of rubbish in the recycling for me to sort through later, and leaving uneaten almost all of the food that was requested in the three page food requests letter that was sent ahead of the visit to avoid being any trouble over catering.

I have a relative like this and have genuinely never felt annoyed by it.

"Would anyone like tea?"
"Only if you're making one."
"Yes I am"
"Lovely, thank you"

"Is it ok to use the showe?"
"Yes of course"

None of those conversations take more than a few seconds and it's no skin off my nose to engage in pleasantries, even if they are a bit pointless. Then again, isn't most small talk pointless really.

Goldilocks - understand,

I hope that you are back home where you are comfortable now.

I hate being a guest and having guests - minefield! (I am probably the "expect to be waited on/ over apologetic" type as I feel uncomfortable taking over in others' homes. I also hate guests who don't fit in and want to do things their own way, cook their own food, shower at midnight types! )

You can't win