Anyone up? I’m not overreacting am I..

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Sorry just need to get this written down to see if it is in fact LTB worthy or not (not really light hearted )

So my fiancé partner had his work Christmas party last night. He said he’d go for a few drinks but has form for staying out until more like midnight, so I fully expected him to be home a bit later. I’ve got a stinking cold and was at work until 8pm (started at 7) so was looking forward to a quiet early night. DS (6) is at my mum’s tonight and tomorrow so it’s just me and the cats - Flat is a tip due to me being ill and putting off pre-Xmas cleaning.

Anyway, I was awoken 15 minutes ago by the sound of loud male voices in the hallway, bottles clinking and several men coming through the front door. I was (and still am) shaking with anxiety as I thought I had somehow left the front door open and some random people had come into my flat in the middle of the night.

I’m sure you know where this is going - it was my ‘D’P and two men from his work, who I initially thought were just returning him home as he was drunk. They all went through to the living room with a Costco-size tray of beer cans (like about 40 cans literally) and sit themselves down, one even proclaiming my home a ‘shithole’ presumably due to the washing on the airer, some dirty dishes etc or even the size of the place itself (fairly central London whereas his colleagues mainly live further afield and are used to houses rather than flats. I digress..)

The cats ran into the room and the door slammed shut so they were stuck in there. Once I had realised they were not burglars in my home I went into the living room in what I’m sleeping in and tried to confront them, but was still so shaky I couldn’t get the words out, just kind of stood there stuttering . I managed to say I was just getting the cats so at least they could sleep in our bed and have access to the litter tray, then awkwardly tried to herd them out (cats not men). Shut the door and started crying through the shock and embarrassment of it all, and was heading to bed when I overhead them talking about finding a dvd/Cd case... realised they had come here to take coke or whatever people snort these days and were after something to do lines on.

Losing the will to even type this.. but AIBU to be a quivering wreck and am I a complete pushover for going back to bed and letting this go on, or is he entitled to do what he wants as a one off in his own home when DS isn’t there?

Can’t decide whether to make a scene or just take a sleeping tablet and hope they’ve gone by the time I get up for work tomorrow..

Sorry, apart from the drug taking, you seem to be over reacting a bit. Your partner brought some mates home. You knew he was due home. Shaking with anxiety? Really??? Embarrassed and crying because your partner brought his mates home?

Yes, you should go off at over the drugs, but the rest??? You sound quite dramatic.

I'd be annoyed if DP came back with people I didn't know without telling me. I wouldn't mind them doing whatever they wanted as long as they didn't keep me up and cleaned up after themselves.

Are there other issues you have with your partner? How is your relationship generally?

I understand. You get woken up probably out of deep sleep by unexpected noises and people at 3am. I would be more than annoyed. You P has invited them home though. Go back to sleep. Leave them to it.

The staying out part on his behalf was fine.

But inviting people back without letting you know first is extremely careless! He knows the place isn't as clean as you'd like it to be in front of visitors, and it's very shocking to barge in unannounced with a males.

Reading it makes me feel really anxious.

And what sh*t 'mates' for making such remarks about the place where you live. Luckily they should be so drunk that they won't really remember it tomorrow, so don't worry about it.

If they are being noisy enough to keep you awake you should text him and say they need to go, you have work early tomorrow/today.

If they're quiet enough for you to sleep, I would just sleep it off and explain to him tomorrow about how you were anxious and you need more notice next time etc.

Sorry you're having such a peculiar night :/ It does sound like something I would do though, out of anxiety end up standing there stuttering and herding cats instead of saying what I wanted to haha.

No, you're not overreacting. It sounds absolutely terrifying. Unless class A drugs are part of your social thing (not wanting to be judging or anything ) it's absolutely not on. Even if you intend going back under the duvet, chuck some clothes on, it will probably help you feel a bit safer iyswim - I know I'm not hugely confident in my nightie.
If you feel unsafe, call the police. Seriously. Cocaine creates instant, unpredictable arseholes. It's your home and you have the absolute right to be safe in it.

I would freak out a bit at unexpected people in the house in middle of night but if it’s a one off and if your ds isn’t there then maybe speak to dh tomorrow when he’s sobered up and explain that it shook you up a bit so hopefully he won’t do it again

Hope you are OK OP, that does sound upsetting if at first you weren’t sure if it was your DP, then compounded by having to listen to them be rude about your home. Not ok at all, and neither is your DP and his friends taking drugs in you and your child’s home. Hope you can get some sleep, I’d be having serious words with DP in the morning though. X

Ok, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with the previous posters...but I would kick ‘d’p out in a second if he’d come home to do drugs. Saying that, I’d divorce him if he did drugs outside of the house too.

He should have checked it’s ok his mates come back really, considering you have work in the morning. You also sound like you have some anxiety, does he know that?

Yanbu- id be furious

God no, of course you're not overreacting! I'd be really anxious and furious with my DH if he did that. Especially knowing I had work the next day and had been ill. Did your partner apologise when you went into the living room?

Not sure what you can do. I'd be too intimidated to go in there again. Could you text your DO and say you're feeling uncomfortable and ask if they can leave?

Harsh response Fatso. It's an intimidating situation in the OP's own home where she was fast asleep. Hardly 'dramatic'.

I would be annoyed too because i wouldn’t want to be disturbed if I was poorly. And because I’d be a bit embarrassed about the flat being a tip (even though it’s understandable!). Wouldn’t like the drugs either.

However, i’d probably get over quite quickly. They’re drunk, want to carry on the party etc. Just as long as your dp apologies to you for being inconsiderate then i think it’s ok.

And agree about the drugs thing- coke and alcohol is a dangerous mix and does not lead to pleasant or considerate behaviour. It doesn't sound like this lot were a bunch of charmers to begin with...

Aw OP, slight overreaction there but look when you haven't been well and you've been woken in the middle of the night, everything seems worse.
To be fair to your DH, it's his home too. Your DS is away so he probably thought he could let loose a bit and bring some mates home. Annoying when you're unprepared but let it go.
Head to bed and give him a look that says "you're clearing up in the morning, pal".

I’m sorry you’re so upset, but I can’t really identify with automatically assuming noise and clinking beer bottles was burglars breaking into your flat rather than your DP getting carried away on a night out.

I’d be annoyed about the drugs and being woken up, but I do think speechless shock, 15 minutes of shaking, embarrassment and tears was quite over the top. Do you take medication for anxiety?

I’d have just rolled over and crankily ignored it in the first place because yes, if your DP lives there, he does have the right to bring friends back, even if he could have been a bit more considerate about how he did it. I don’t quite understand why you bothered getting up once you realized it was him.

I'd be furious if my partner knew that I had worked a long day with a bad cold and decided to bring home drunk friends.

I'd be even more furious at them for coming into my home and insulting it, and I'd probably tell them so.

Ah, missed the drugs bit. That's not on at all.
A few beers with mates is one thing but getting the coke out. Nah. Sod that, they'll be up all night chatting shit.

Ok mixed responses here! thehodgeheg alcohol has been an issue with him on and off which can be a source of arguments, but then again it’s mainly about not coming home when expected, which according to mn is either totally fine or instant grounds for separation/divorce so I’m not sure how much of it is my issue or his iyswim.

lolo, carrot I think the issue is - if he is inconsiderate enough to do it in the first place, even if we have words and he says he won’t do it again can I really trust him to stick to it.

Weezol thank you for your kind words and no drugs aren’t part of our social scene at all - I haven’t even seen any since my uni days. It does seem to be a thing in London for a surprising number of people but I thought he shared my views that as parents we shouldn’t ever do something that irresponsible.

The average wife - thank you, yes he knows I have mh issues and take meds for this and have had inpatient and outpatient treatment, and have been so much better this year but things like this really do not help!

The drugs arent acceptable.
The (still) crying and shaking is a massive over reaction. A quivering wreck? Because your oh came in with some mates? That's not a normal reaction.

@vwlphb she only got out of bed to go and rescue the cats!

And can we stop assuming there's an anxiety disorder here?? In the cold light of day the OP might have reacted differently...but at night time everything is amplified, especially when you're in what you thought was your safe place and when you were fast asleep (and ill). I get very anxious if anything threatens to disrupt my sleep well I did pre DC anyway it doesn't mean I'm suffering from an anxiety disorder! The OP may or may not have this, whatever, it's irrelevant to the facts!

Ok just seen OP update. I still maintain that we shouldn't be assuming a MH issue though! OP sorry you've had to suffer that, it must be making this all the more difficult.

What's the noise levels like now?

I would be incandescent with rage.

Knowing you're poorly, bringing a gaggle of drunken dickheads home to snort drugs off stuff whilst remarking on the state of your place? Fuck all the way off into the sun.

I hope they all caught whatever plague you have and feel like shite for Christmas.

WTAF? No OP you are not over reacting. I would be absolutely livid at this, beyond livid actually. I’d have to tell them to piss off right now and not come back.

Just had to go back in there to get my phone charger - I texted and called him several times but no response and I have got 1% battery! Noise is just all of them chattering away about their other colleagues, honestly so dull! Also one of them spilt a beer on the floor and I then realised I have run out of kitchen roll which makes me feel even more embarrassed (sorry I know maybe this is not a normal reaction!)

One of them opened my DS’s bedroom door, presumably looking for the bathroom but still made me upset - again perhaps irrational but I don’t want drunk and high strangers even remotely touching my DS’s door handle!

Thank you all for reading and responding anyway - I’m not sure I’ll get back to sleep as I feel so wired and can’t breathe due to blocked nose so it’s nice to know there are others awake! Why are the rest of you up anyway?

The drugs are an issue if you're against it, but everything else sounds pretty standard really, including the drunk guys giving their mate a hard time about the state of his house. If they'd said it to you that would be really rude, but you just overheard them talking amongst friends.

I’m awake with a splitting headache. I’m waiting for the painkillers to work.