WIBU to make a house guest get up!?

[crisscrosscranky]

I have my niece staying with me over Xmas; she's Canadian but currently working in Barcelona my mother invited her to stay at my house. Due to weird family dynamics she's actually a few years older than me; she's just turned 31 (relevant I think). She's been here for a week now and is staying until 8th January. She's driving me mad.

I'm trying to get house, 2 kids, fridge and myself ready for Xmas and DH will be working until Xmas eve.

She gets up around 11am every morning, makes herself breakfast just before I am making lunch and leaves the kitchen in a state, gets dressed around 1pm and then just sits and watches telly unless I suggest we go out (together- she doesn't go alone!). She doesn't offer to cook, whizz the hoover round, watch the kids for me, wash up... it's like having a third child teenager living with us. So as not to drop feed it's made worse by the fact she's a vegan and is expecting me to either make a separate dinner or we all eat vegan.

Anyway, my AIBU- WIBU to tell her she needs to be up, dressed and breakfasted by 10? Xmas is our family time and she's ruining it for me by giving me more to do than I need; even DD1 (11) is getting irritated by it!?

I'm seriously considering sending her to my mother's.

Yanbu she sounds lazy and one heck of a burden. The least she should be doing is cleaning up after herself. Speak to her and tell her she needs to pitch in all around including making some of her meals.

Ah what is it with mothers, mine also invites people to my house and the exact same seems to happen?! Bollocks to that - ship her off to your mums.

Failing that I don't think you can dictate when she gets up and dressed but tell her to clean up after herself at least. And she can make her own bloody boring dinner.

Why did you not sort any of this out before she came to stay for such a long time?

Send her to your mothers if you can. Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I'd allow her to get up when she wants but she should be cleaning up after herself and I'd definitely mention it. I'd never expect a house guest to Hoover but I'd expect them to clean up after themselves.

Have you actually said -

"Can you come back and clean the kitchen after your breakfast now please - I have to make lunch?"

"I need to do XYZ in the house now for the next couple of hours - can you go out and do ABC for a bit - after 4pm things will be back in order. Have a good time!"

"I need you to make dinner this evening - there's XYZ in the fridge, and there's a Waitrose around the corner for anything else you need. The kids can walk around with you to show you where it is. Perhaps take them out for hot chocolate too on the way? They'd like that."

Tell her that she is great fun but sadly you need to crack on with your Christmas and so she will have to go elsewhere, I had an Australian house guest for six weeks and it was pure hell - never again!

Get the hoover out early, Xmas tunes on, sing loudly!! Tell her the breakfast slot kn the kitchen is til 9 then reopens at 12. Hang some rubber gloves on her door handle!

Yes, send her off to your mothers. Act like that was always the arrangement and you're surprised no one was expecting it .

Alternatively, give her a list. clean up after herself, shop and cook for her own meals or she could shop and cook a vegan meal for the whole family, list of housework jobs, list of babysitting duties. Then see how fast she moves to your mother's.

What's that mantra?
Your house your rules.
She cleans up after herself and she cooks her vegan stuff.

Waiting after house guests is fine for a weekend, more than that and they should contribute and merge into family life.

I need you to make dinner this evening - there's XYZ in the fridge, and there's a Waitrose around the corner for anything else you need.

But what will she do if there’s no Waitrose?

Oh she's not a house guest. She's faaaamily. And uninvited at that. So she can jolly well pitch in.

But what will she do if there’s no Waitrose*
Give her more notice for her Ocado delivery to arrive?

What a freeloader! I'd be so embarrassed to be her. I don't think I could be polite after the first few days.

Sit her down and tell her that as she is staying so long it's completely unacceptable for her to sit around being waited on. Tell her she'll need to arrange her own food from now as you don't have time to do vegan for her. And tell her that she needs to clean up after herself. Then just give her jobs as you go along. While she's watching TV just say 'can you run the hoover around the hall, stairs, landing and sittingroom please, it's in the closet'. Keep at her and hopefully you'll scare her away and she'll find somewhere else to freeload.

31. Fucks sake.

I wouldn't bother with making her get up, but wouldn't be quiet either.

Yes she must clean up after herself, and while I would accomodate different diets...if someone was expecting me to make a completely different dinner they would be making their own

I think you need to put your foot down a little

Do send her to your mother!

Why on earth does your mother get to invite people to stay at your house when your mother isn't even there?

Do you invite people to go and stay with your mother when you are not staying with her?

If my mother tried that I'd just say no

Or was it more that she emotionally blackmailed you into agreeing to invite her? That my mother would try - thankfully I finally wised up to the emotional blackmail enough to say no to it, but not until I was 32... Maybe this will be what does it for you!

She's old enough that you shouldn't have to ask her to pick up after herself etc. Send her to your mother's house and actually enjoy your Christmas!

Yep she sounds like an annoying teenager.

The least you should do is to tell her (demand?) she cleans after herself.
I would also tell her to cook at least some of the days. That way you will be able to taste proper vegan recipes

For the rest, I would ignore Her tbh. If she is in the way of your preparations, let her know. If you go out, let her know too - and invite to come with you if she wants??

I’m really wondering how she is coping living in Barcelona all on her own tbh.....

I wouldn't make her get up but I would tell/ask her to clear up after herself & I wouldn't cook special meals for her. I am not sure how she is 'expecting' you to make her a special dinner, how did that conversation go?

As others have said - tell her to clean up after herself. She's a grown woman, not a child and shouldn't need to be told (but obviously she does -she's bloody rude!)

Don't cook separate meals. She can cook for herself or have the vegan bits of the family meal. A plate of kale should sort her out. Is she contributing to the food costs? She should be if she's trying the best part of a month and demanding a special diet.

I would have to bite my tongue if she was doing that here. The things we put up with! Why did your DM not offer to host her herself?

Put the hoover into her hands and tell ask her to use it.

She needs to clean up after herself and she can make her own dinner.

Tbf, I wouldnt expect her to look after the dcs. Or to push the hoover around.

But I would expect her to clean after herself, cook at least some of the time, make it easy for you re her dietary requirements.
I would expect her to try and go out on her own and do some sightseeing/visiting in the town.
And to go and see your own mum that so kindly invited her.
And to generally be as unobstructive as possible.

Atm it looks like she is expecting to be waited on....

Don’t cook separate meals for her FFS! I would have her up every morning and give her the choice with helping around the house or fucking off alone. I’d tear your mum a new one as well, what is it with people?

I wouldn’t tell her to get up as I don’t think that’s the problem; I’d ask her politely to tidy up after herself when she eats and I’d make your normal noise in the morning which she just has to deal with.
What’s spoiling your family time? Her making mess of the extra work with her being vegan? I’d also ask her to do stuff like watch the kids or run the hoover about.
By just asking her to get up all you’ll get is mess earlier and her sitting round for longer. I’m not sure where you expect her to go by herself either and try to remember that she would probably love to be with her mum over Christmas