WIBU to make a house guest get up!?

[crisscrosscranky]

I have my niece staying with me over Xmas; she's Canadian but currently working in Barcelona my mother invited her to stay at my house. Due to weird family dynamics she's actually a few years older than me; she's just turned 31 (relevant I think). She's been here for a week now and is staying until 8th January. She's driving me mad.

I'm trying to get house, 2 kids, fridge and myself ready for Xmas and DH will be working until Xmas eve.

She gets up around 11am every morning, makes herself breakfast just before I am making lunch and leaves the kitchen in a state, gets dressed around 1pm and then just sits and watches telly unless I suggest we go out (together- she doesn't go alone!). She doesn't offer to cook, whizz the hoover round, watch the kids for me, wash up... it's like having a third child teenager living with us. So as not to drop feed it's made worse by the fact she's a vegan and is expecting me to either make a separate dinner or we all eat vegan.

Anyway, my AIBU- WIBU to tell her she needs to be up, dressed and breakfasted by 10? Xmas is our family time and she's ruining it for me by giving me more to do than I need; even DD1 (11) is getting irritated by it!?

I'm seriously considering sending her to my mother's.

Honestly, you put up with this because you want to!

GEt this girl over to your DM NOW and get on with enjoying your LO 1st christmas.

New years resolution: SAY NO TO YOUR DM. A LOT!

@expatinscotland arrives just in time, badge out, making a Cheeky Fuckery arrest. Not a moment too soon!

For the PP's who said they can't believe I'd let someone invite someone else to stay in my home... you haven't met my mother!

... And your 'DM' has not met ME!!

Not even Belvita Buddha - more custard creams, digestives and gingersnaps.

If she is your niece, where are her parents (your brother/sister)? Why can't she stay with them?

Your mum needs to step up and entertain her, take her out, occupy her. Tell her she is responsible for this woman being here, so she needs to be doing something with her every day.

After having a host of obnoxious house guests, I can confidently tell you. Be blunt, state your house rules.
People do various kinds of dramas but if you are confident in your beliefs then let those people have an episode.

House rules sound good.

Eviction sounds even better.

It's so weird when people get to 31 and haven't a clue as to how to wipe their own asses. She sounds unbearable.
Yes, send her packing to mum's.

Oh yes also, you need to have an explosive air clearing with your mum about this.

I have a DM who used to do this to me. It was the cousin from Ireland who came and recuperated from her strained (not even sprained) ankle in my living room (shut curtains day and night, slept until 1-2pm daily, locked the door. Basically we didn't watch tv or have access to our living room for 3 WEEKS!!) that compelled me (and DH) to finally have it out with mum over her generous invites to guests... to stay with ME.

LifeofClimb presumably they're in Canada, where the niece comes from.

So:

• she’s been invited to your house over Xmas not by you
• she doesn’t help
• she actually makes your life more difficult
• she’s trying to tell you how to eat/feed your children
• she’s 31????

You will feel so much better when you take control of the situation. Tell her that you have shit to do each and every day, especially over Xmas. Tell her she needs to not only look after herself (meaning cleaning up after herself), not only make things worse for you (hogging bathroom/kitchen/dining room), you could do with the help seeing as she insists on being vegan in an omnivore house. Give her a list of chores and the time they need to be done by (else she will leave hovering until nap time, cleaning bathroom until bathtime, cook dinner two hours too late). Otherwise she will wreck your holiday.

So:

• she’s been invited to your house over Xmas not by you
• she doesn’t help
• she actually makes your life more difficult
• she’s trying to tell you how to eat/feed your children
• she’s 31????

......and the most gobsmacking thing is that the OP hasnt said a dickie bird and has gone out of her way to accommodate her. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not only that but the OP wasnt even sure she was being unreasonable to ask the 'guest, to help out and had to start an AIBU to check 😂

OP, maybe you have already done it but if you haven't go and speak to your guest now. No need for a dramatic reading of the rules just politely ask her to do whatever it is you want her to do. If she ignores you and carries on as she was before then you can justify getting stoppy

I think your mother has a cheek! Send her to your mother's without delay! If she's an adult, what is she doing living with you anyway? Where are her own family/friends?

After having a host of obnoxious house guests..

Oh lakeg, you cant tease us like that!! SPILL!!

Maybe you need to have a loud rant to your mother about it in earshot of lazy mare?! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Have already suggested to mum about an air bed- that was a point blank no.
Have already suggested brother's gf could stay here- that was a no from my brother

Take notes : NO is a handy word if you don't want to do something. Use that word next time your CF mum tries anything on.

Tell cousin it's not working out for you having someone stay with you for so long and to pack up and go round to your Mum's.
Let Mum sort it out from there.

I suspect she's being deliberately obtuse about it as she's made several comments about Veganism and I think she's trying to make it hard for us to eat meat.

Then it must be time for the annual bacon festival.
Bacon sandwiches for breakfast, quiche lorraine and salad for lunch (triple offence against veganism for the quiche), pigs in blankets, and roast pork for dinner. Bacon snacks througout the day.

Staying in bed until 11 means everyone else has to tiptoe around, refrain from hoovering, using dishwasher, washing machine, kids have to keep quiet etc. It’s inconvenient for your hosts. Especially if they have kids

I'd find it really peculiar for someone to be mad at their guest for sleeping in whilst also going to great lengths not to wake them. 🤦🏻‍♀️

She needs to go. You are a saint letting her in tbh.

Give her jobs to do out the house? "Here's £2, go and grab me a loaf of bread from the really far away shop" type thing?

I had a lovely steak for my dinner .... you need to get yourself to the butchers/supermarket.

I can't figure out why she is even visiting since she sounds like she is just watching tv all day, she could have stayed in Spain for that! Does she have no desire to get out and about while she's here? Very odd, a 31 year old woman who seems to be acting like a sulky teenager!

This would drive me nuts as well. I think I'd just take the tack of saying something to her everytime she leaves the kitchen/bathroom in a mess. I'd ask her to please clean it up everytime until she got the message.