WIBU to make a house guest get up!?

[crisscrosscranky]

I have my niece staying with me over Xmas; she's Canadian but currently working in Barcelona my mother invited her to stay at my house. Due to weird family dynamics she's actually a few years older than me; she's just turned 31 (relevant I think). She's been here for a week now and is staying until 8th January. She's driving me mad.

I'm trying to get house, 2 kids, fridge and myself ready for Xmas and DH will be working until Xmas eve.

She gets up around 11am every morning, makes herself breakfast just before I am making lunch and leaves the kitchen in a state, gets dressed around 1pm and then just sits and watches telly unless I suggest we go out (together- she doesn't go alone!). She doesn't offer to cook, whizz the hoover round, watch the kids for me, wash up... it's like having a third child teenager living with us. So as not to drop feed it's made worse by the fact she's a vegan and is expecting me to either make a separate dinner or we all eat vegan.

Anyway, my AIBU- WIBU to tell her she needs to be up, dressed and breakfasted by 10? Xmas is our family time and she's ruining it for me by giving me more to do than I need; even DD1 (11) is getting irritated by it!?

I'm seriously considering sending her to my mother's.

I wouldn’t expect a guest to hoover?
Leave her to herself. Agree leaving you with plates etc is rude but otherwise .. stop paying her attention.

Get some linda mcartney sausages/ quorn vegan fishfingers/spicy burger stuff. She can have that with the family veg. I wouldn’t cook separate meals as such, just have a separate thing you can bung in the oven/grill with your family food.
Send her over to your mothers for the day. Unannounced. “Wouldn’t it be nice for you to spend some time with your dn mum. Spend the day together it will be fun!”

What the name of your hotel?........
Exactly. Fk that. tell the lazy ass to get out her bloody bed and muck in otherwise it's the Travelodge for her

and ps......its not just a guest, it's family so you shouldn't even have to ask her to help

Just be clear about what you need her to do and maybe suggest that she plans and cooks her food as you are not familiar with vegan diets and the specific demands of vegan nutrition

I had a lazy vegan young niece staying with me for two days. I nearly lost the plot.

After two hours of her rooting in the fridge for permitted food, I gave her 20 quid to go and buy stuff she could eat. In my defence I had already asked her what food she liked, and she hmmd and haawed. So I left it till she got here.

Then there was a whine, I need a lift to the supermarket. No you don't there is a lovely tram down the road that stops near the shop. Another few bob for tram costs from me, but at least she went off and got her vegan grub.

Anyway we both survived, but the cooking separately was a deal breaker for me. She got the message and did her own thing in the end.

She's 31? She sounds like a 13 year old. YANBU. I'm 27 and would never dream of behaving that way in somebody else's home.

OP You have received sage advice.

You know YANBU
You know DC is BU
This post has been about confirming YANBU.

I suspect it will carry on just the same until she leaves but at least you'll know YANBU.

I'd love an update that you've said something but...

Most Canadians I know (I'm married to one) are MUCH better than this. Tell her family holidays are precious and that she needs to fit in, however tricky that is, or you can give her the number for the nearest Travelodge.

That's what I told my Canadian guest who visited over Christmas. It worked.

I spoke to a relative yesterday. She and her 3 (almost grown up) dc are staying with another relative. She’s objecting massively to being asked to help out. Christmas Day will be huge in the house where she’s staying and given they’re staying for weeks, I should bloody well think they should help out! I’d be offering, I certainly wouldn’t need asking.

Your mother treats you like a doormat because you let her. Point black no? SHE invited her. Tough shit. If I were your husband I'd drive the gal over to your mum's and tell her to go on in as I need to just get some petrol and leave her arse there. Fuck that for a game of soldiers! It's your child's first Christmas and you have your cow mother doing this? Fuck that, too.

This with bells on.

I could do without the silly digs at vegans in here though. It’s eas6 enough to cook good varied food without animal ingredients, and I say that as an omnivore.

Agree with everyone else. Tell your mum she’s coming to hers, and don’t take no for an answer! (If your mum can do that, why not you?!) and if you can’t do that, tell her to clear up when you’re ready to cook, do some vegan sausages or whatever with the rest of the food you’re cooking or ask her if she’d like to cook for you all sometimes. I’m not really sure you can tell her what time to get up, but i wouldn’t be keeping quiet, I’d just get on with my day around her, and tell her outright if she needs to clear up after herself so you can cook. She’s totally a CF but she may just not realise how she’s being. She needs to be told!

I haven't got time to read this thread, just flicked through it, but it is enough to really get my goat. I would make sure I was hovering outside her door at 7:30 in the morning, ensure there was no hot water by 10 in the morning, and basically ensure that she gets the hint. Or you could outright tell her that if she wants to stay with you she has to fit in with you rather than the other way round.

As for her being a vegan, that is her choice, but that should not stop you eating meat, a nice bacon sandwich in the morning goes down really well.

If she wants a special meal she will have to start pitching in, or, as someone else said, just give her the veg that goes with the meal you are having.

Best thing though would be to just pack her bags and drop her off at your mums. Then escape, fast.

A few rules needed about tidying up after herself I think and i wouldn't be cooking for her after the past week. I'd actually be plating up a meat fest for the next week and let her sort herself out - and I'd jump in first and tell her I'm so glad you're not one of those preachy self righteous vegans, I don't think I could handle one in the house for a day much less longer. Start tomorrow and say I'm so wiped out with Christmas thinking I'm just doing our regular meals, hope you don't mind adding whatever you need.

I'd kill this woman. A couple of days of rest is fine but not to ask if there is anything she can do or say she will cook the meals seen as she is the one on a restricted diet (most vegans I know love cooking for others as a form of education) is terribly unfair on you. I'd just have a word with her, say I'm happy to have you here but you are not slumming it anymore and write a wee list of things she can do help with whilst she is in your home. Just be a little forceful but kind it's not fair that you are not enjoying your festive period due to this.

I agree she may not realise what a nuisance she is being if you are (literally) tiptoeing around to accommodate her.

Tell her the next few days are going to be really manic and you are going to need all the help you can get to ensure the children have a great Christmas. Would she prefer to chip in and help out or would she be more comfortable at your mums?

In my experience if a house guest is making the hosts feel uncomfortable then they are also probably uncomfortable. Perhaps you are being too formal/polite for her and she would prefer to be more part of regular family life.

NACALT (Not All Canadians Are Like That)

Let us know how the chat goes OP.

Blimey I can never believe the cheek of some people. I went and visited my friend for 2 nights. I looked after her children and took them out while she was at work, did the washing up and had a meal cooked for when she got in from work.

Some people are just bloody lazy and inconsiderate.

Send her to your mother's. She invited her..

OP why do you need to do this? Its your house not your mothers. Tell her to leave- she sounds inconsiderate and selfish.

Your home your rules. Good luck and enjoy your Christmas

Just (diplomaticly) get her to pitch in, 'sorry you wouldn't mind doing x would you? Just things are a bit crazy around here, it is Christmas!' As some people don't think these things! I wouldn't ask her to get up earlier though.

She is not a guest she is family. Tell her to help out! Check in the mirror, if there is no welcome on your forehead you are not a doormat and don’t need to behave like one!

How far away does your mum live? Is it within walking distance? Because seeing as the sleeping arrangement is your mother's only problem, there's no reason why your niece can't live at your mum's and just return to yours to sleep.