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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think her DH should have paid for their food?

201 replies

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 10:29

DH and I were on a date at the weekend. We'd been in the restaurant about ten minutes when a couple we know from the school DS used to attend came in. I haven't seen the woman much for over a year since the boys moved on and I must admit I do avoid her if I see her around the shops - not because I don't like her as such, but I just find her a bit much because she's unneccessarily competitive about her DC (in my opinion). DH sees her husband occasionally as they're in some kind of "supper club" forum.

So they came over and the next thing they're asking for their table to be joined to ours. Before he'd even sat down, her DH was ordering champagne. I wasnt drinking because I'd just come off a three-day juice detox, plus I don't really drink wine anyway. She does go on about her DC and their music exams, academics, etc etc, but apart from that, they were fine really that night, although they drank 2 bottles between them, plus brandies. DH was driving so didn't have much.

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it. Her DH said he would, but DH picked it up, so her DH said, "We'll do next time then".

AIBU to think her DH should have insisted on paying half, given that these are not people we socialise with regularly anyway? Also, I feel that our evening was kind of gate crashed by these people and it's rare for us to get time away from the DC. I don't know how much the bill was, but it's the principle of it. Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas. They are not bad people, but my gut feeling is not to go there. DH says, "don't worry about it," but I feel irrationally irritated. WWYD?

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 20/12/2017 10:31

What the hell?

It's your husband you should be mad at, not them.

He insisted twice on paying. What did you want him to do? Offering an arm wrestle for it?

gamerchick · 20/12/2017 10:31

Why didn’t you interrupt or kick him under the table? It’s something my husband would do tbh. We’ve had strong words.

sirfredfredgeorge · 20/12/2017 10:33

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it

Your problem is with your DH, your annoyance comes from that - expecting someone to insist with someone they hardly know is just wrong.

blueskyinmarch · 20/12/2017 10:33

Reading between the lines you are pissed off because your DH paid for the dinner but they had loads to drink including champagne? However i sounds like your DH insisted and it also seems you had a nice time and they have invited you for drinks to reciprocate. I am not sure anyone was in the wrong here.

HuskyMcClusky · 20/12/2017 10:34

Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas.

Well, they’re trying to reciprocate, aren’t they?

I dunno, I think they were rude to assume they could sit with you, and also to order up alcohol and not pay. But your DH was silly as well, so...🤷🏻‍♀️

ijustwannadance · 20/12/2017 10:34

Sorry but you and DH sound completely passive.
You should've told them to sod off befire they even sat next to you.

Then the 2 bills should've been totally seperate anyway.

Your DH shouldn't have been such a mug as to pay for non friend gatecrashers food.

Cheeseislife · 20/12/2017 10:34

Yeah I'd have kicked your DH, hard! I don't blame the other guy for not forcing the issue, sounds like your DH was quite insistent. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear

Capelin · 20/12/2017 10:34

YANBU- I would be absolutely furious about this! You didn’t ask them to join you, and then you ended up paying for their champagne!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 20/12/2017 10:35

Your DH is the U one showing off with champagne. I'd be furious.

There was a thread recently about splitting the bill which got quite heated and loads of people were saying "men don't worry about splitting bills, they're far more generous than women and often will fight over who is paying the bill.". Someone pointed out that it's more like men show off by paying the whole bill for a table when they can't afford it, and leave him and his DW skint for god knows how long. I think this is so true!

Appuskidu · 20/12/2017 10:36

As always on many posts on mumsnet; you have a DH problem!

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 10:37

What I mean is, if we had arranged to all go out that night, I wouldn't have minded at all. But I haven't seen this woman for a while and I don't think I would join someone else's evening in the way they did and then accept them paying at the end.

OP posts:
onceandneveragain · 20/12/2017 10:39

Agree with everyone else regarding your Dh shouldn't have offered...but why is your thread "her Dh should have paid"? Presumably she (and you) ate and drunk as well, and has access to money, or did this meal take place in 1817?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 20/12/2017 10:39

Sorry I thought it was YOUR DH who'd ordered champagne.

Still, he didn't have to offer to pay. Silly bugger

LanaDReye · 20/12/2017 10:40

I bet your DH encouraged them to sit with you too. I would love to hear his perspective, he may really like them and want to go for drinks, but you are the one holding back?

Marcine · 20/12/2017 10:42

Your DH was a bit of a show off, wasn't he? Once he'd offered to pay the whole thing it was too awkward for the other couple to say the wanted to just pay their own bill or pay half. Your DH then insisted on paying anyway. He was a bit of a dick.

Oldraver · 20/12/2017 10:45

I don't understand why on earth your DH offered to pay, especially for someone who gatecrashed your evening..

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 20/12/2017 10:46

What on earth was your husband thinking?? Trying to be Billy big balls and pay for everything? I would have been fuming with him!

SeaCabbage · 20/12/2017 10:46

Your DH was an idiot to pay for it. Yes the other guy perhaps should have insisted but your DH said no. Perhaps they took him at his word. It is a manners minefield. Perhaps your DH genuinely didn't mind paying.

You were crazy to let them bulldoze your evening though.

strugglingtodomybest · 20/12/2017 10:48

I agree with pp's, this is your DH's fault.

Also, if you didn't want them to join you why did you let them?

I'm sorry, but this annoys me. This is the sort of post that makes me paranoid that the people I interact with are also saying one thing but silently seething and then moaning about me behind my back.

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 10:49

DH knows what I went through with this woman, but he doesn't really get it. When the boys did the 7+ she got in such a state she ended up ill and it created a very fractious atmosphere in the class which I had to distance myself from. She is fine in many ways, but I can't get into all that again. DH was a bit annoyed that they joined us because they didn't really ask.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 20/12/2017 10:50

Sorry OP I'm not really sure what your issue here is - it seems like you're just annoyed because you dislike this woman so much?

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 10:50

So your husband offered then insisted and you are mad at the other couple? You need to redirect

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 10:52

You could have said you were having a romantic couple meal but I understand that would have been too awkward

loveka · 20/12/2017 10:52

It is your husband who is the problem. That would really piss me off too, but it is not tbe other couples fault.

They probably thought they were being sociable.

Next time, you could speak up maybe? When your husband is arguing about who should pay the bill you say "Let's split it".

Glumglowworm · 20/12/2017 10:52

Be mad at DH for offering to pay twice ffs

Also why did the two of you just sit passively and let them join you? Can’t you say “lovely to see you but we just want tonight for the two of us, we’ll all have to have dinner together soon”