To think her DH should have paid for their food?

[seekingsellotape]

DH and I were on a date at the weekend. We'd been in the restaurant about ten minutes when a couple we know from the school DS used to attend came in. I haven't seen the woman much for over a year since the boys moved on and I must admit I do avoid her if I see her around the shops - not because I don't like her as such, but I just find her a bit much because she's unneccessarily competitive about her DC (in my opinion). DH sees her husband occasionally as they're in some kind of "supper club" forum.

So they came over and the next thing they're asking for their table to be joined to ours. Before he'd even sat down, her DH was ordering champagne. I wasnt drinking because I'd just come off a three-day juice detox, plus I don't really drink wine anyway. She does go on about her DC and their music exams, academics, etc etc, but apart from that, they were fine really that night, although they drank 2 bottles between them, plus brandies. DH was driving so didn't have much.

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it. Her DH said he would, but DH picked it up, so her DH said, "We'll do next time then".

AIBU to think her DH should have insisted on paying half, given that these are not people we socialise with regularly anyway? Also, I feel that our evening was kind of gate crashed by these people and it's rare for us to get time away from the DC. I don't know how much the bill was, but it's the principle of it. Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas. They are not bad people, but my gut feeling is not to go there. DH says, "don't worry about it," but I feel irrationally irritated. WWYD?

It was your husband that kept insisting. If you're to be angry at anyone it's him.

And your words are so overly dramatic "what I went through" I'm not going through it again" like she was your bosom buddy and you suffered some form of prolonged trauma.

You clearly don't like the wife. You even say "her husband". Why the hell do only men pay bills in your world. Why not "I think they should have paid" or "she should have". .

The men are clearly friends. They are in a club toghether. Explain to your husband you just don't like her and that's it.

DH knows what I went through with this woman, but he doesn't really get it. When the boys did the 7+ she got in such a state she ended up ill and it created a very fractious atmosphere in the class which I had to distance myself from

You sound a bit precious tbh, what has her getting ill have to do with you? And SHE got ill, can't you have any sympathy for her?

DH was a bit annoyed that they joined us because they didn't really ask.

Then he should have said something and stopped them from calling a table over.

I agree with everyone above, you should be annoyed with your DH for insisting on paying, of course the 2 gatecrashers wouldn't keep insisting if your DH had already told them he would get it.

Agree with Glum; your husband was passive but so were you and you were the one who had the problem with them gatecrashing your dinner. Glum's response would have been perfectly polite.

Why didn't YOU say anything, seeking? I imagine you're kicking yourself this morning because you know you should have but the important thing will be - what will you do next time now that you're fore-armed?

Next time you do see her be sure to arrange another night out to get your paid for slap up dinner!!

Normally when we go out with friends one couple will get it and then the other the next time, so it all balances out. I suppose I am being U because I have very mixed feelings about this woman. When the DC were at school, I was never sure if she was my friend or not iyssim. I guess we've all kind of moved on, but I'm not sure if I want to pick things up again.

Ok they rude to butt in but you should have said you were on a date n your dh shouldn't a been so daft as to insist on paying especially as you both hardly drank!

Just text back: "Sorry can't do drinks, but please could you forward us the cash for your share of the drinks when you gatecrashed our romantic meal the other night, you big old alkies."

Job done.

I'd accept her drinks invite if others are going too to dilute the intensity of the hostess.

My DH always used to jump up and pay, acting like the big I-am, until I pointed out to him that it actually made him look very rude and bully-like and was embarrassing to other people. He hasn't done it since.

I think it was a bit presumptuous of them to decide to join the tables together. That's extremely cheeky even if you run into people you know well IMHO. It's quite hard to put these thick skinned pushy types off. I'd have been annoyed but it's done now. I think I'd just go for the drinks since they've invited you that is if you get a really clear invitation. Then try and cool it off after that.

Why do so many men do this?

That's a rhetorical question, as I know why, but it's still infuriating. When the charge hits your account, I would bring it up again and state that you never want to spend that much on mere acquaintances again. You also need to get your spine up, OP, and say something next time.

Out of weird principle, I would take them up on the offer for drinks at their place but also discuss boundaries with your husband before you go. If you give a certain signal during dinner, you're out of there, pronto.

I suppose it was just one of those things. Normally I would just let it go. It was a quite small Japanese restaurant where you order lots of little things, so we ended up with stuff I couldn't eat. I think the DH ordered a dish that was £90, but I would need to check that.
Yes pp are right, we should have said it was an anniversary or something and normally we would, but they are more pushy than most and it was all a bit odd.

100% the fault of your husband. Why anyone would offer to pay given that the other couple had had a far more expensive meal is insane!

I do see your point about the other guy not insisting on paying - I would have absolutely done so, but without being there I have no idea how insistent your DH was.

All sounds quite awkward really and like your DH was keen to win some sort of bizarre Willy waving competition.

He ordered a £90 dish?!!!Bin amongst lots of other hits?!

Ok I would probably say that if this is the type of restaurant you all go out to that this is alpha male banker types and it's all part of their silly games.

All of you probably have more money than sense.

*in amongst lots of other dishes

I would be VERY annoyed if my DH did something like this ... could you not kick him under the table at the time? That's what I would do if I thought he was going to pay for the booze these CFs ordered. Anyhow at least they are going to reciprocate but I would really expect it to be 'out' and not at their home.

I would go to the offered drinks and see what she serves up in thanks for a £90 dish, other items AND champagne.

I wonder if she'll be hitting up Iceland. TBH even M&S/waitrose wouldn't cut it in this scenario. Only a similar meal out would suffice tbh.

Why didn't you just say no to them joining you?
You could easily have said "sorry we are on a date night and never get time just the two of us", but you didn't and you were both cross they joined you, then your DH offered to pay!

It's like something out of a comedy sketch. If you don't really like them, why let them join you.

You'll have to do it again now, so they can buy you supper.

So how much was the bill? Around £300?

Ever seen Mrs Doyle from Father Ted? That was your DH. Tease him about it and as the other poster said, you can speak up. So what if people don't like it when you do. How many things has this woman said that you don't like. You'll feel better for speaking up and everyone will just carry on as they do when she says things they don't like. It's all bill ettiquette anyway. Make a joke of it with DH, then next time you can say.. "Darling remember Bill Ettiquette?" As someone else also said, the other woman clearly wants to reciprocate, she probably felt bad about the champaign and maybe they assumed they'd be splitting the bill or they wouldnt have had so much. So many posts on here are about people taking advantage, and she's trying to make it up to you.
Why not give her another chance? If she made herself ill in primary school over all if this, she is perhaps more sensitive about things than she appears on the surface, maybe things are not as rosy as she paints it. People get things wrong sometimes and perhaps she's learned her lesson. The worst case scenario is that these two liked you both enought to sit with you, enjoyed your company and tried to be entertaining, now want to make amends about the bill. It's clear that you wanted DH to yourself, so why not plan another outing with him, and maybe do the drinks and see how you feel after that. Whatever makes you feel better really. Perhaps if you got to know her better you could say frankly but gently what you think about all the children issues, she might surprise you. Good Luck

I can see that it's annoying, but as others have said either your DH or you should have said something. I wonder why you left it to the guys to decide on who pays given that you felt strongly about it. Why not just say something yourself?

When the boys did the 7+ she got in such a state she ended up ill and it created a very fractious atmosphere in the class which I had to distance myself from

WTF am I reading?? This is 50 Shades of Cuckoo.

And YABTU. Your husband created the situation, no-one else.

If you didn’t want them to join you you should have said, a simple “sorry, this a a special evening for us, can we do it some other time” would not have been rude. You dh offered, they said no, then he insisted on paying. The couple did absolutely nothing wrong and you can’t blame them for being friendly and offering to host.

"I have very mixed feelings about this woman. When the DC were at school, I was never sure if she was my friend or not iyssim"

.....are you 13 years old?

Your husband should not have insisted on paying the full bill...the bill should have been split if both DH's were insistent on paying.
You cannot blame the other DH if your DH insisted on picking up the bill and paying.

Yes we should have said we were on a date, so from that point of view it's our fault. If it was me though, I would definitely ask, "Are you sure were not interrupting something?" before just asking the waiters to join the tables.

She was livid when the boys finished the last school because her DS didn't get the music prize. To be fair, he should have got it but the music teacher was a law to himself and visibly couldn't stand the mother because she was so OTT. To make matters worse, DS did get a prize for something else and she told me to my face, "Don't take this the wrong way, but he only got it because if favouritism. You know that don't you." She ruined the whole prize giving / leavers day by sitting next to me and slagging off all the teachers and DC. But at other times, she seems like she'll go out of her way to help you, so I never know how to take her.