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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think her DH should have paid for their food?

201 replies

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 10:29

DH and I were on a date at the weekend. We'd been in the restaurant about ten minutes when a couple we know from the school DS used to attend came in. I haven't seen the woman much for over a year since the boys moved on and I must admit I do avoid her if I see her around the shops - not because I don't like her as such, but I just find her a bit much because she's unneccessarily competitive about her DC (in my opinion). DH sees her husband occasionally as they're in some kind of "supper club" forum.

So they came over and the next thing they're asking for their table to be joined to ours. Before he'd even sat down, her DH was ordering champagne. I wasnt drinking because I'd just come off a three-day juice detox, plus I don't really drink wine anyway. She does go on about her DC and their music exams, academics, etc etc, but apart from that, they were fine really that night, although they drank 2 bottles between them, plus brandies. DH was driving so didn't have much.

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it. Her DH said he would, but DH picked it up, so her DH said, "We'll do next time then".

AIBU to think her DH should have insisted on paying half, given that these are not people we socialise with regularly anyway? Also, I feel that our evening was kind of gate crashed by these people and it's rare for us to get time away from the DC. I don't know how much the bill was, but it's the principle of it. Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas. They are not bad people, but my gut feeling is not to go there. DH says, "don't worry about it," but I feel irrationally irritated. WWYD?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 21/12/2017 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MerryMarigold · 21/12/2017 10:10

OP. You're getting a really hard time I think because you're clearly richer than most of us and don't need to work. However, I think the 'other' dh sounds quite unpleasant. I'm assuming it's probably him who asked for the tables to be moved together. Also him who didn't insist on paying the bill. I'm not sure why you're upset about the woman. She sounds insecure (not surprised with a dh like that). It's really between her dh being pushy and then too drunk to see clearly and offer to pay, or your dh for insisting twice. I can see why you'd be irritated at both of them, and your dh for bothering with this man, but don't let him drag you into a couple relationship you don't want to have.

Someonessnackbitch · 21/12/2017 17:47

YABU and are actually being really unfair towards them

falange · 21/12/2017 17:52

Sorry. I couldn’t read past where you said you were on a ‘date’ with your husband.

WitchesHatRim · 21/12/2017 17:59

OP. You're getting a really hard time I think because you're clearly richer than most of us and don't need to work.

No not at all. I couldn't care whether she worked or not and you don't know others bank balances People are getting frustrated with the 'school drama and the fact her DH offered to pay twice!

Zzzexhaustedzzz · 21/12/2017 18:59

OP Have you watched Motherland? This sounds like something the blonde one would post....Grin

DagenhamRoundhouse · 21/12/2017 19:06

I think it makes men feel big to offer to pay for everything. It's a macho, superior stance.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 21/12/2017 19:07

ZZZ
I ADORE Motherland - wish they'd done a Christmas special.

Indie139 · 21/12/2017 19:29

They offered to pay.. So Yes YABU. If you're going to be mad at anyone..be mad at your DH.

jayne1976 · 21/12/2017 19:56

They didn’t know at the time of ordering the champagne your DH was going to offer to pay, and have since immediately invited you over to try and balance it (suspect you wouldn’t have been invited otherwise) so not their fault!

Eatalot · 21/12/2017 20:02

Jesus on a date night and you didnt tell them to sod off? You both need to grow a pair.

KurriKurri · 21/12/2017 20:37

Eatalot - when I read your post at first I thought 'Jesus on a date night' was a kind of swear phrase like 'Christ on a bike' (before I re read the OP and saw she was on a date night) Grin

I might start using it now anyway Grin

DownNotOutt · 21/12/2017 20:45

YANBU. My DH does things like this a lot but he's only being polite, he hates the awkwardness over the bill so will always offer but in the instance you describe the other couple should have absolutely insisted its common decency. Those saying your DH shouldn't have offered are odd, offering is the polite gesture, but you don't actually let people you rarely see pay for your extravagant evening when they've just been drinking soft drinks. They sound grabby.

NottinghamNeil · 21/12/2017 20:52

Why is everybody so mad with DH because he paid for a meal? It doesn’t sound like they are short of a bob of two. To most of us if would be a big deal, but I get the impression that it isn’t for this couple. It may be posturing, it may be generosity, it may be social awkwardness or misplaced politeness. Without hearing his side of the story, I don’t know. It doesn’t sound from the OPs comments since that the money is of any real significance in itself. The other couple were hugely rude and yet DH is getting clobbered!

cheval · 21/12/2017 20:52

Sounds like my ex. Get others involved so he doesn’t have to make conversation. Then do his flash the cash at the end to pay for all, showing what a big man he is.

pinkpantherpink · 21/12/2017 20:58

So your husband is in the Masons. You don't like the tiger mums. You're getting stressed about the possibility of getting sucked into an old circle of ladies which is stressing you out. Don't. Do your own thing. Politely decline the offer of drinks. Job done.

NoHunsHereHun · 21/12/2017 23:16

Ahhh a very long, drip fed, MASSIVE humblebrag. Have you paused to think that the OW is slightly mortified that her DH ordered a £90 dish and champagne and then ‘let’ your DH pick up the bill and that is why you’ve been invited for drinks? She’s probably crossing everything that you decline so she can avoid the extra pressure of hosting another gathering over Christmas.
Now, how do I get be last 6 minutes of my life back?

manicmij · 21/12/2017 23:22

Both parties should have had the decency to ask for separate bills especially when so much alcohol was involved. The amount consumed could be costlier than good. Lesson for the future and, remember to post if you do ever get a reciprocal night out on them though wouldn't hold your breath.

Louiselouie0890 · 21/12/2017 23:46

Be mad at husband l. He chose to pick up the bill

avamiah · 22/12/2017 03:36

Is this a joke or what ?
Firstly who would want to join your table in a restaurant if they hardly know you and you haven’t had much contact for over a year ??
Then the guy orders 2 bottles of Champagne and other drinks and you don’t drink any of it but then your husband pays the bill ??
Are you serious ?
Then you and your husband are a pair of idiots paying for champagne for people you hardly know .
You obviously can afford it so why complain about it afterwards and why on here ??
Fucking Half wit idiot .

MakeUpMyRoom · 22/12/2017 07:26

I don't really see what your husband did wrong? Has it put you in the breadline? If not, he chose to be generous and you disagree. No one is in the wrong.

Pinkitis · 22/12/2017 07:34

Omg I thought the £90 dish was a typo.

NataliaOsipova · 22/12/2017 08:03

The other couple have presumed a) that the OP thinks they are better friends than she does and that b) it was okay to join them. OP should've made it clear from the get go that they were on a "date night". So the other couple were pushy. Other than that, doesn't seem massively out of order. I'd say perfectly normal to do the "I'll get it, you get it next time" thing too; obviously it's perfectly normal for them, so it's not the social faux pas of the century that they didn't demur. If someone says "my turn, yours next time", it looks a bit churlish to refuse if it's someone you consider a friend; almost as if you're saying no thanks to the repeat match.

I think the speed of the drinks invitation means they've gone home, wondered if they had in fact gate crashed your evening and felt a bit embarrassed about your DH picking up the bill. They therefore thought they'd ask you over to cement the friendship (as that makes the bill thing, which we've agreed is perfectly normal amongst friends, perfectly okay) and to arrange a date to go out again (at the end of which, they will pick up the tab. And honour is satisfied.)

wednesdayswench · 22/12/2017 08:11

Considering by they invited themselves to your table and drank so much, it should've been them who paid.

Your DH should not have insisted on paying, by doing so you have now acquired two new friends that you don't want.

caringcarer · 22/12/2017 08:46

Your dh has said forget it. He paid not you. Clearly he can afford it. He belongs to same club as other man so they may get on well. Let it go. If you could not afford it that would be different. Go for drinks or you will be slagged off for being unsocial.

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