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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think her DH should have paid for their food?

201 replies

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 10:29

DH and I were on a date at the weekend. We'd been in the restaurant about ten minutes when a couple we know from the school DS used to attend came in. I haven't seen the woman much for over a year since the boys moved on and I must admit I do avoid her if I see her around the shops - not because I don't like her as such, but I just find her a bit much because she's unneccessarily competitive about her DC (in my opinion). DH sees her husband occasionally as they're in some kind of "supper club" forum.

So they came over and the next thing they're asking for their table to be joined to ours. Before he'd even sat down, her DH was ordering champagne. I wasnt drinking because I'd just come off a three-day juice detox, plus I don't really drink wine anyway. She does go on about her DC and their music exams, academics, etc etc, but apart from that, they were fine really that night, although they drank 2 bottles between them, plus brandies. DH was driving so didn't have much.

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it. Her DH said he would, but DH picked it up, so her DH said, "We'll do next time then".

AIBU to think her DH should have insisted on paying half, given that these are not people we socialise with regularly anyway? Also, I feel that our evening was kind of gate crashed by these people and it's rare for us to get time away from the DC. I don't know how much the bill was, but it's the principle of it. Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas. They are not bad people, but my gut feeling is not to go there. DH says, "don't worry about it," but I feel irrationally irritated. WWYD?

OP posts:
Aki99 · 20/12/2017 12:28

I don't think it's DH's fault because it's normal to offer to pay.
OMG you are one of those people...

You clearly don't like the other woman - ok so you should have piped up rather than play nice.

Grow a pair

Runningwithscissors12 · 20/12/2017 12:29

You allowed them to sit down with you and take over and you said nothing.

Your DH offered to pay.

Where in that ^^ are THEY at fault?

BenLui · 20/12/2017 12:32

So you ended up sharing a table because you can’t say no and now you are going up drinks because you can’t say no? Confused

You urgently need to learn to assert yourself.

I bet this happens to you all the time and you’re resentful every time.

No one would have been joining tables if I didn’t want them to. It’s entirely possible to be polite but say no.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/12/2017 12:34

What world is this where it's normal to offer to pay for meals in excess of £100 for people you hardly know?
Only on MN.

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 12:36

In normal circumstances, with people we had gone out with, I wouldn't mind paying for anyone. That's not the issue. If that was us who had joined them unexpectedly, I would say, no we hijacked your evening, we can't accept. I wouldn't just offer once, I would insist on it after joining someone else's table, especially if it's not the kind of restaurant you would go to every night and they are acquaintances, rather than people you see regularly.

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 20/12/2017 12:37

I’m obviously poorer than I thought as dinner out doesn’t cost £90 let alone one dish.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 12:37

Ok so now they. Are at fault for not behaving as you would and insisting in the face of your husbands insistence.

Fuck me, honestly you must have some weird nights out.

Eliza9917 · 20/12/2017 12:38

I don't think it's DH's fault because it's normal to offer to pay.

Don't offer if you don't expect to be taken up on it. Did you expect them to insist more and get in to an embarrassing mini argument at the table?

WeAllHaveWings · 20/12/2017 12:40

He doesn't really listen to the details.

Wonder why? Hmm

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 12:41

Next time op maybe give them the script?

Look, we will offer to pay
You then say no you will pay
We will then say no we will pay
Do not then just accept this, we have no intention of paying. Please insist again then you pay.

Just so they know and don't fall foul of your rules in your head.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 20/12/2017 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glumglowworm · 20/12/2017 12:45

Stop bleating about school gate dramas!

You clearly don’t like her and while it sounds like you’re both drama llamas anyway so likely both as bad as each other, it has absolutely no bearing on the thread!

You and DH should’ve spoken up if you didn’t want them to join you. DH shouldn’t have insisted on paying, and you should’ve spoken up and suggested splitting it if you were unhappy. You don’t have to play the little wifey and let the men deal with the money you know.

Go round for drinks or don’t, but if you’re going to be mad about who paid for dinner then be mad at yourself and DH

Slarti · 20/12/2017 12:45

Your DH then insisted on paying anyway. He was a bit of a dick

Yes what a generous twat he is being nice to someone you don't like for unfathomable reasons. Can't be learn to tow the line?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/12/2017 12:50

Stop obsessing about school dramas.

It's your DH fault. Try blaming him instead if others.

HTH

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 12:50

Op, I'm guessing your husband has no issue with paying, and he had no real issue with them joining, is happy to go for drinks and has no desire to listen to you witter on about comments she made about the kids in the dim and distant past.

The issues are all yours right? He doesn't give a shit and doesn't want to be involved in your dramas?

StrawBasket · 20/12/2017 12:53

Are you for real? Your DH sounds lovely, the other people sound quite pleasant too, I am guessing they all get on if they are all happy to share a meal. The other couple is inviting you for a drink, to reciprocate...

I am sorry, but your posts make you sound like a school gate drama queen! Have a word with your husband, tell him that you do not agree with him for paying (but if he works, he should be allowed to do as he please with his own money, as long as the rest of the family is not missing out) but let the whole thing go. It's done. The others are trying to thank you, what else do you want!

PurpleMinionMummy · 20/12/2017 12:54

It's not normal to offer to pay for the meal of someone who gatecrashes you at all. If we ended up coincidentally eating with someone we'd pay separately.

seekingsellotape · 20/12/2017 12:59

Ok I accept the point that I can't expect everyone to behave as I / we would. Most people I know would never presume to intercept another couple on a night out and we personally would not let anyone else pay in that scenario, but so be it if IABU. Why are people talking about the 1800s and the "wifey" comments? DH will physically pay but it's the same thing as me paying.

OP posts:
Ski4130 · 20/12/2017 12:59

You're husband offered to pay, more fool him. You need to redirect your anger his way.

If we go our for dinner with friends, we split the bill, and are fairly easy going about all the who had more drinks/pudding stuff, and suck it up if it doesn't work in our favour, as it invariably evens out somewhere along the years.

I can't imagine offering to pay for two bottles of champagne and brandies that I didn't partake of, was your dh is trying to look like Johnny Big Balls in front of them? As in 'we've loaded, we'll get that for you' ?!

FreeNiki · 20/12/2017 13:02

Presumably the husbands earn the money and the women live off them spend their days faffing around getting into school based dramas.

Pretty much. That's why DH was in control of offering to pay or not.

NoSquirrels · 20/12/2017 13:08

Ok I accept the point that I can't expect everyone to behave as I / we would.

Phew. Because I was coming on to say that this is the umpteenth thread I've seen recently where an OP is annoyed that someone else didn't behave as they would have behaved, but didn't say anything at the time or give any indication that it would be unusual in their opinion.

In this case, your DH offered to pay for a really expensive meal nobody invited 50% of the table on. Bonkers. Take it up with him.

But as you can clearly afford it easily, then there's nothing really to get het up about.

CurryWorst · 20/12/2017 13:13

I don't think it's DH's fault because it's normal to offer to pay

No it isn't. But I must visit you on planet wetblanket, gatecrash your dinner and get you to pay for it as well!

Prometheus · 20/12/2017 13:18

So not only did you not speak up when these people gatecrashed your dinner, your DH then offered to pay for their meal???? Please let me know when you go out for dinner again as I fancy a free meal Grin

glow1984 · 20/12/2017 13:18

I don't think it's DH's fault because it's normal to offer to pay.

Only in your world.

In my world, we split the bill.

gillybeanz · 20/12/2017 13:24

Your husband has more money than sense, or likes to prove to people he has.
Does he always waste money like this, i'd be mad as hell if my dh did something like this.
Can I pm my present list for Christmas?