To think her DH should have paid for their food?

[seekingsellotape]

DH and I were on a date at the weekend. We'd been in the restaurant about ten minutes when a couple we know from the school DS used to attend came in. I haven't seen the woman much for over a year since the boys moved on and I must admit I do avoid her if I see her around the shops - not because I don't like her as such, but I just find her a bit much because she's unneccessarily competitive about her DC (in my opinion). DH sees her husband occasionally as they're in some kind of "supper club" forum.

So they came over and the next thing they're asking for their table to be joined to ours. Before he'd even sat down, her DH was ordering champagne. I wasnt drinking because I'd just come off a three-day juice detox, plus I don't really drink wine anyway. She does go on about her DC and their music exams, academics, etc etc, but apart from that, they were fine really that night, although they drank 2 bottles between them, plus brandies. DH was driving so didn't have much.

When the bill came, DH said he'd get it. Her DH said he would, but DH picked it up, so her DH said, "We'll do next time then".

AIBU to think her DH should have insisted on paying half, given that these are not people we socialise with regularly anyway? Also, I feel that our evening was kind of gate crashed by these people and it's rare for us to get time away from the DC. I don't know how much the bill was, but it's the principle of it. Now she has texted asking us for drinks at theirs after Xmas. They are not bad people, but my gut feeling is not to go there. DH says, "don't worry about it," but I feel irrationally irritated. WWYD?

No way should your H have paid the lot! Is this a testosterone thing?!
I would definitely feel hard done to not enjoying date night alone. If you don't want to go for xmas drinks just make your excuses. You will only dread it as it's getting closer and have to take a complimentary gift!!

From this thread I am going to make
Several summations-

• you live in London thus have alienated anyone outside a 30 miles radius of the M25 with the £90 dish

• your children are privately schooled thus you alienated anyone left who does the school run before they've showered and/or on their way to work. Even some of the school gate mums will have lost any sympathy at the 7+ stressing

• you don't work but as a family are very wealthy and the cost of the meal is negligible. You say you share a bank account but don't know how much the bill is. You've lost the interest of the rest of us as it's clear the issue was not the bill but the company.

• your DH hasn't thought twice about having paid for the meal and would probably accept the invitation to drinks happily

-you don't like the wife I suspect she is younger/prettier/more independent

but basically there were a group of extreme tiger mothers at the previous school and a very pressurised, unpleasant atmosphere as a result.

Then wear headphones and avoid other parents.

Playground conversations all go the same way anyway, just nod and say "oh yes, the same happened to me in Waitrose" at random intervals. You don't even have to turn down the volume.

Job done.

We only went there because Japanese food is quite good after a 3-day juice.

If you say so dear.

DH offered, other DH said no we’ll get it, your DH said no, I’ll get it. I’d be done with the discussion too- there’s only so much to and fro I would be willing to engage in. Your DH is at fault, not the other couple. They said no and your DH insisted. All on him IMO

I've just been on a 3 day builders tea and cake, where should I go for a meal*

*Has to be under £10 and include chips in the main, and have tiramisu on the desserts. Might stretch to £12 as I won't be paying for randomers who decide to sit at my table.

We only went there because Japanese food is quite good after a 3-day juice.

Bet we are getting all bent out of shape over a Wagamamas.

Sorry I know it might sound a bit odd the way I said it, but it's a Nosh detox where they deliver the bottles and you have 6 a day. You don't feel like caffeine or alcohol afterwards, etc.

I won't go into the whole boring history

Nobody. Cares. About. The. History.

Nobody in the 159 replies to this thread has expressed any interest in what this woman did while your children were at school together. Nearly all of them have said your husband was the muppet here. And yet you keep trying to convince us this woman is awful (and each time you convince me more and more you're the drama queen, not her) and refuse to consider the meal situation was anybody's fault but hers.

Your husband sounds like a mix of wet blanket and macho posturing. What an attractive combination.

Nobody gives a flying fuck about the history! Grow up.

If there was no history or gatecrashing then the situation wouldn't bother me would it?

OP be really be good to hear what you expected wanted to hear. Was it along the lines of...

"She's a bitch, invoice her for the food and your time"
"Poor DH and you sounds like hell, how are you both coping?"

No we were not drinking, DH had one glass. No idea why people are getting aggressive on here. We don't eat in expensive places all the time, normally we are in kid-friendly places. We were on a date night as I explained. People do eat in all kinds of restaurants every night if the week you know - they are all full round here as far as I can see.

Normally if we go out with other couples we take turns to pay. Everybody I know does this and it's fine - "Well get this, you get the next one". Everyone says that, DH is not weird. The whole point is, I was annoyed about them presuming to join us in the first place. Yes in retrospect I should have stopped them, but nor did they actually ask and I think that's rude.

OP!! I love you!!! You're hillarious!!! :) mainly because I think in the nicest way you are completely bonkers (so am I - no disrespect meant!!) and completely out of touch with most of us (who cannot afford the kind of things you can!!) and because like you say - DH paid, you normally agree to 'get the next one' - so no idea what you are stressing about!!

I think you should probably duck out of the thread now or watch from a distance for a bit as I don't think anyone really gets what you're on about or agrees with you! But can see it's bothering you.

Anyway, honestly, don't stress about it! Go round theirs for a drink! Try and enjoy it! Getting drunk might help :) and who cares if Orlando or Camilla are better at swimming or first in the gymnastics competitions!!! Just have a giggle!

If you chill out and relax you might find you all get along!!!

No harm meant OP, just this thread has had me in fits of laughter all evening!!!! (Thanks for that :) )

Sorry, I'm still giggling here!! (Maybe too much Christmas wine!!!) but the 3-day juice reminds me of 'Ab Fab'! If you've ever watched it 'darling!'

Oh OP!! :) I bet you r lovely :)

Thanks tea. I think some people get very extreme because it's AIBU, but I'm not sure how to respond to some of the comments on here.

Don't suppose it was Engawa that you were at OP. It does the small dishes including the £90 teppanyaki huda steak dish.... ( theres a whopping 100g of it. 😮😲😳😳😳)

Can you afford it? If so, no problem.

Unless it's people I actually really like and would actually ask to have them join my table....I'd never let anyone join my table while I'm on date night with hubby! Especially if it's time away from DC.

I think what's done is done. No point going on about it now. Just deal with it. You shouldn't be miffed at them but at yourself.
You could have just wished them a lovely evening and been honest and said "we will definitely do dinner together sometime soon, were just enjoying a quiet dinner alone together for now" (or just lie if u have to!). But you allowed them to gatecrash. Then your dh declined their offer to pay half. So what's the point in stressing now? You can't be annoyed surely because you didn't object to it at the time.

P.s if she's texted you now to go to theirs after Xmas it's a clear sign she appreciates you guys paying for the meal and obviously wants to treat you guys to some drinks in return.

Go. And have fun. Shit happens. Just learnt to enjoy yourselves and if u know a situation will cause u to be pissed off after....dont let it happen in the first place.

You picked your kids school because you didn't like the mums? That's fairly extreme.

Op, do you work? I don't know but you sound very overly invested in school dramas, kids and your words are rather 1950s housewife.

I'm honestly wondering if you don't have enough to occupy your mind and so get bogged down in irrelevance and make dramas out of nothing? Because this is all so irrelevant and petty it's fairly mind boggling.