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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual Assault **May be triggering**

161 replies

ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 21:15

NC for this but regular poster...

I may be flamed for saying this but AIBU to think that the term 'sexual assult' is a broad spectrum and that there's a HUGE difference between someone squeezing someone's bum and being penetrated by something other than a penis (as that would be rape)?

I'm not saying that someone squeezing a bum is okay in the slightest but I wouldn't want someone going to prison or convicted over it. Or do you believe their all as bad as each other and need locking up?

I was reading about the Todd from Corrie case and wondering what it was that he actually did. I personally don't think he deserves the sack for a drunken ass squeeze but anything more then yes.

I don't know, maybe it's my attitude that's what's wrong here. My arse was frequently squeezed on a night out and whilst I didn't like it and told them to fuck off, I wouldn't want them thrown in prison either.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:56

Slick I'm so sorry that you feel that way Flowers

OP posts:
LeCroissant · 17/12/2017 22:56

It's really weird the way you say 'they were raised to respect women' in a sneery way as though it's a silly thing.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 22:56

I had my crotch groped repeatedly at work. Do you think I was overreacting for reporting him to the police, OP? The police didn't think I was but maybe you do. Oh and he kept his job.

I have also been raped but I didn't report that one.

Sometimes the crotch groping affects me more that the rape so I really don't think it's always fair to have a hierarchy of these things.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 22:57

I would bet my life that the majority of them have squeezed a woman's arse at some point.

Hmm

You don't have a very high opinion of men, do you?

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 22:58

I dont agree with the age of consent being 16.

Not really the issue here.

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:58

No I believe you did the right thing. He was doing it repeatedly and it was harassment.

OP posts:
PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 22:59

You still haven't answered the question at what point it becomes a big deal. So you don't think bum groping is. What about crotch groping?

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 23:01

It is relevant when someone asks me what I consider to be perverted.

OP posts:
PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 23:01

And what if he hadn't done it repeatedly and only did it once? Would that have made it any better? Would I have been overreacting for taking it to the police then?

Ashamedandblamed · 17/12/2017 23:01

Bloody hell this thread is brutal!

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 23:02

No I believe you did the right thing. He was doing it repeatedly and it was harassment.

What if it had only been once, or it happened while he was pissed at a works do?

Op you seriously need to do some thinking around people’s right not to be touched and how your comments on this thread are at odds with that.

LeCroissant · 17/12/2017 23:02

So is 18 the age that a girl loses the right not to be touched OP?

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 23:04

No I don't think a one off deserves police involvement, I'd take it as he was trying it on. I'd tell him where to shove it and what would happen if it happened again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 23:04

Like I've said REPEATEDLY. It's not right but I don't think it's deserves a criminal conviction.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 17/12/2017 23:04

Your rules for what you consider acceptable are really strange OP. One day after the 18th birthday, bum grope fine, genital grope fine-ish but only if it happens once.

Would it not be more simple to say ‘it’s always unacceptable to sexually touch someone without their consent’?

Sashkin · 17/12/2017 23:05

The Corrie guy did it repeatedly!

How do you feel about sober men groping women on public transport? I had somebody corner me and try to stick their hand down my top in an empty tube carriage at about 7am on a Sunday morning (on my way to work). He was sober, but it was terrifying. Silly me for being frightened though, because groping obviously never leads to anything else. I should have laughed it off.

Or how about drunk men groping children on public transport? I had some drunk middle aged man pin me against a wall and forcibly French kiss me on my way home from school when I was about 14, but would it have been ok if I had been 16? After all, he’s just a drunken idiot.

Your attitudes are shameful.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 23:07

No I don't think a one off deserves police involvement, I'd take it as he was trying it on. I'd tell him where to shove it and what would happen if it happened again.

I hope to goodness you don’t have a daughter that’s ever in that situation. You would seriously tell someone who has had their crotch groped to just deal with it themselves? Wow.

Cynicalpsychologist · 17/12/2017 23:08

I fully agree with what you are saying, perhaps giving it a name like inappropriate sexual gesture for bum squeezing on adults. And sexual assault for more intimate physical situations? It's a very interesting topic, controversial but relevant to bring up. Good job for creating a debate :)

LeCroissant · 17/12/2017 23:08

How nice of you to stand up for perverts OP. Well done. Silly women expecting not to be groped.

SlickBubbles · 17/12/2017 23:08

The thing is, where do you draw the line? If you don't report for a "one off" how do you know it's not a "one off* but to twenty women? What about two times? Or is that ok, but four or five isn't?

I admit I regularly look through for my attackers name, to see if he's done it again. Because then I would stand brave with whoever managed to report him. Because I do not believe it was his first, or last time. Despite me being drunk, I knew that.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 23:08

No I don't think a one off deserves police involvement

So how many times would it take to warrant police involvement? Twice? Three times?

I'd take it as he was trying it on

Hmm

I'd tell him where to shove it and what would happen if it happened again.

Of course! That's exactly where I went wrong! I should have just told him to shove it instead of going into shock and freezing Hmm

Just out of curiousity, what exactly would happen to him if he did it again?

SlickBubbles · 17/12/2017 23:10

perhaps giving it a name like inappropriate sexual gesture

Yes, almost like general assault can have levels, abh, gbh, with intent etc, maybe we need to relook at sexual assaults terms. The law needs looking at, so much has changed in the last 30 years, and with the waves of convinctions now, they do almost need to look at terms.

PleaseDontGoadTheToad · 17/12/2017 23:11

I don't think it's deserves a criminal conviction.

In that case you're in luck because he didn't get one.

Cynicalpsychologist · 17/12/2017 23:11

P.S Many females I meet, I squeeze their bum and visa versa. I don't ask first, nore do they. I would hope to not go to prison under the umbrella term sexual assault
If they penetrated me with an object, yes they should go to prison. Not for a bum squeeze... otherwise I'd be locked up a long time ago Hmm

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 23:11

Sorry I thought it was bottom grab not a crotch. My mistakee

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