Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual Assault **May be triggering**

161 replies

ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 21:15

NC for this but regular poster...

I may be flamed for saying this but AIBU to think that the term 'sexual assult' is a broad spectrum and that there's a HUGE difference between someone squeezing someone's bum and being penetrated by something other than a penis (as that would be rape)?

I'm not saying that someone squeezing a bum is okay in the slightest but I wouldn't want someone going to prison or convicted over it. Or do you believe their all as bad as each other and need locking up?

I was reading about the Todd from Corrie case and wondering what it was that he actually did. I personally don't think he deserves the sack for a drunken ass squeeze but anything more then yes.

I don't know, maybe it's my attitude that's what's wrong here. My arse was frequently squeezed on a night out and whilst I didn't like it and told them to fuck off, I wouldn't want them thrown in prison either.

OP posts:
LeCroissant · 17/12/2017 22:03

You have a right to go about your life with nobody grabbing or touching you. You get that don't you?

YorkieDorkie · 17/12/2017 22:03

YABU. Some thefts are worse than others. Some assaults are worse than others. They're still crimes. No I wouldn't want someone to serve time for pinching my bum but I'd want them to know the effect of their selfish, perverted action.

laudanum · 17/12/2017 22:05

I just wouldn't say if a man had squeezed my arse that I had been sexually assaulted.

But you really should. Minimising stuff means it keeps being minimised and therefore not taken seriously. It smacks of Harvey Weinstein and his mob of trained thugs who tore women's reputations apart over his disgusting behaviour.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/12/2017 22:08

I think you are part of the problem, as you say Hmm

JonnaSilvie · 17/12/2017 22:10

Yes, you are part of the problem. We can't just keep going around, saying, "Oh no, I don't mind it if men touch me in a sexual way without my permission, it doesn't count as assault."

Fucking hell. I genuinely think we might be going backwards sometimes.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 17/12/2017 22:11

I suppose the question to ask is have you squeezed a stranger's arse in public OP?

And if not, why not?

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:13

Nope I haven't but the it isn't something I've ever wanted to do. I don't see the attraction with bums!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 22:13

Nope I haven't but the it isn't something I've ever wanted to do. I don't see the attraction with bums!

Totally missing the point. Confused

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 17/12/2017 22:14

Ok, but if you were attracted to bums, or indeed whichever bodypart of men that you are attracted to, have you ever gone up to a stranger and grabbed that part of his anatomy?

And if not, why not?

HopefullyAnonymous · 17/12/2017 22:14

You should report it to the police. Behaviour like you’ve described can escalate over time into much worse offences. You might not be bothered/think it’s trivial, but the next victim might not get away with just a “cheeky squeeze”.

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:18

@HopefullyAnonymous. That's where I disagree. I don't believe that because someone squeezes a bum they are then more likely to do something worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:19

Yes actually I probably have when drunk.. Gone up to a man and ruffled his hair saying I love it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 22:21

I don't believe that because someone squeezes a bum they are then more likely to do something worse.

Are you being deliberately naive? Someone who doesn’t respect other people’s right to consent to being touched is obviously more likely to overstep other boundaries.

I’ve noticed you haven’t answered my question about what you’d think of someone touching children’s bottoms.

christmasrage · 17/12/2017 22:21

It's a symptom though, of the passing whim of a man being of more importance than the right of a woman over her body.
If it's not too bad for any man to grab the bum of any woman he fanicies, maybe he can squeeze her boobs too. Or have a bit of a grind.

JonnaSilvie · 17/12/2017 22:21

Why? If they've squeezed a bum, they've already proven they have no respect for the concept of consent or female bodily autonomy. Why should aggressive sexual assault or rape be such a huge stretch of the imagination?

LeCroissant · 17/12/2017 22:22

You are clearly an idiot.

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:23

Sorry I missed it, no I don't believe anyone has the right to touch any child for any reason. Of course not. But I don't think the two are comparable.

OP posts:
VanGoghsLeftEar · 17/12/2017 22:23

As someone whose arse was fondled on seperate occasions TWICE on public transport, I can say it's a fucking horrible experience.

I have had to deal with the fallout at my Underground job where a woman was ejaculated on by a male. We went to a nearby clothes shop to buy her something to replace what she was wearing, and called the police. Also, today, a male wanted to report an incident where his partner had been touched inappropriately on a night tube train the previous evening. He said she was in shock, frozen, and I could see he felt guilty, even though it was by no means his fault.

So the term sexual assault is broad, but the reactions and repercussions are the same. You are very naive op.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 22:24

But I don't think the two are comparable.

Why not?

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 22:25

Sorry, pressed post too soon. Why is it that children are not to be touched against their will but as soon as you’re (insert whatever age you think here) it’s fine for men to grope you?

HopefullyAnonymous · 17/12/2017 22:27

You can disagree all you like, but research suggests otherwise.

Original poster
ItsFindersKeepers · 17/12/2017 22:27

Because I think there's a huge difference between a drunken idiot trying it on on a night out and a predatory paedophile. I wanted put the two in the same category.

OP posts:
hdoodle · 17/12/2017 22:27

Purpledaisies has a point - in my parents’ home country, it was acceptable many years ago to men to fondle young boys’ private areas “affectionately”. They told me about an older man who ran into trouble when he tried that in the States.

Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between our own sense of right and wrong and what we have been culturally assimilated to. For example, I enjoy wine very very much, and hate smoking very very much, but when I think of the toll alcohol takes on public health, I know I am not thinking logically about it being legal. Probably because of the wine.

JonnaSilvie · 17/12/2017 22:27

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

So, do tell, OP, how old should a girl be when her body reverts to the property of the public to do whatever with as they please, because, as a female, she is naturally worth less than a man?

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2017 22:29

Because I think there's a huge difference between a drunken idiot trying it on on a night out and a predatory paedophile

So how old does a girl need to get for the guy to be a drunken idiot not a predatory paedophile then?

Swipe left for the next trending thread