'You're a naughty girl!', said DP. AIBU?

[Rainatnight]

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not. DP and I are having a tricky time at the moment and I don't want to make a big deal out of it if I'm being unreasonable.

DD, 18 months, tried to draw on the newly decorated kitchen wall three times when I was out of the room this morning.

I came into the room to find DP picking her up and saying 'naughty girl!' to her.

I really don't agree with this. I don't think a child that young can be 'naughty', and I think labelling a really little child as naughty for normal toddler behaviour is really unhelpful.

But I'm quite soft and I over think this kind of thing more than DP. It could just be a figure of speech and not something that will scar DD for life!

Thoughts?

We try to say that's a naughty thing to do. The 2yo is constantly calling us all naughty though so clearly we have failed somewhere along the line!

It sjust a figure of speech. Naughty isn’t a terrible word to use. Children need a word that they can associate with bad behaviour.

I over think this kind of thing more than DP

This.

And just because it’s normal toddler behaviour doesn’t mean you want it to continue. You have to shape your daughter into a constructive member of society and part of that is helping them identify naughty behaviour

Hmmm it isn't deliberately naughty but if she has been told not to do something 3 times and carries on, then even at 18 months she should have an understanding of no.

I used to say if you do that again, you will be a naughty boy/girl but as a statement of fact not a shouty telling off not like now when they are older and gits

Ha yes DS calls me a "naughty boy mummy" so maybe I haven't got it right either

You could ask him to say that's naughty instead of she's naughty but I do think kids need to understand when they are naughty because at some point she will be

How do you think children learn what is acceptable behaviour or not? By being told what is naughty behaviour and what isn't.

Naughty behaviour, not naughty child

it was a naughty thing to do if she had already been told twice to stop, mind you why did she still have a pencil/ crayon after the previous 2 attempts?!

Don't over think it, your DP is allowed to tell her off, he's her parent too.

Exactly, just tell him it's naughty behaviour and not to label the little one.

He shouldn't tell his child she's naughty when she's being naughty?! Wow. Parenting has really changed since I was a kid.

Eltonjohnssyrup I agree with you, but that's not what the DP said. He said she was a naughty girl, that's about her, not her behaviour. That's a naughty thing to do would be better as it takes the child out the equation.

Another one here wondering why she still had a pencil.

I’m a bit confused because that is naughty and at that age if they’ve been told once they know they shouldn’t be doing it straight after. What would you rather him have said?

It's pointless and inaccurate telling an 18 month old they are naughty.

Don't be ridiculous.

All this semantics of 'naughty girl' vs 'naughty behaviour' just goes right over children's heads. It's also fine for two parents to have slightly different approaches. I don't see this as problematic.

I think you’re overthinking a bit but know where you’re coming from. I think labelling the behaviour rather than the child is helpful, and also explain why it’s bad. Eg. ‘You mustn’t draw on the wall, it isn’t nice. It upsets mummy and daddy and walls aren’t for drawing on.’ If it happens again, a sharp ‘I’ve said NO. That is naughty.’ And a repetition of the explanation.

That usually works for us but there’s the odd banned activity that is so enjoyable (dropping cutlery in the toilet was one for us at around 18 months ) where escalation to proper telling off is required.

Can anyone honestly ever remember whether they were told they were naughty (or indeed had behaved in a naughty fashion) at 18 months old ... or much older than that?!

Way over-thinking. Surely what your child will remember is the treatment she received in general, rather than a particular phrasing?

We rarely use the word naughty to DD and when we do we definitely don't say that she is naughty, rather that the thing was naughty.

The more you tell a child they are naughty the more they believe it. I can tell you that from personal experience.

Of course YABU! Your toddler isn’t going to end up an emotional delinquent just because they were called a naughty girl 🙄

The fact she isn’t being consciously ‘naughty’ is irrelevant; as a previous poster said you don’t want that behaviour to continue and they have to learn it’s unacceptable-it’s pavlovian training at its best!

Yes, you are over thinking it

Honest to god, she’s 18 months old.pick your battles. Seriously.

I must have a dirty mind... when I saw the title I thought it was going to be about the OP's DH calling her a naughty girl in some sort of bedroom scenario!!