'You're a naughty girl!', said DP. AIBU?

[Rainatnight]

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not. DP and I are having a tricky time at the moment and I don't want to make a big deal out of it if I'm being unreasonable.

DD, 18 months, tried to draw on the newly decorated kitchen wall three times when I was out of the room this morning.

I came into the room to find DP picking her up and saying 'naughty girl!' to her.

I really don't agree with this. I don't think a child that young can be 'naughty', and I think labelling a really little child as naughty for normal toddler behaviour is really unhelpful.

But I'm quite soft and I over think this kind of thing more than DP. It could just be a figure of speech and not something that will scar DD for life!

Thoughts?

Oh ffs 🙄

OP:
She was a naughty GIRL. He called her that.
All’s well in the world.

FFS with bells on, OP & assorted others.

I strongly dislike the word 'naughty'. Etymologically it effectively means 'worthless', 'naught' being a form of 'nought'. And it implies a wilful intent which in this scenario doesn't exist (and I don't count just not stopping the first time she was told - toddlers are designed to push against boundaries, or they'd never acquire new skills). Yes, language change etc, but I believe there are other ways of discouraging a child from unwanted behaviour. 'Don't do that, it makes a mess of the wall', accompanied by removal of drawing implement, would do it for me. Or 'we draw on paper, not on the wall - let's find some paper to draw on'.

Is it the girl thing or the naughty thing you object to?

The word naughty is tame. Personally I would have gone for bad or even very very bad.

sigh

'Naughty' is also very abstract. I like to be as specific as possible about why something is not OK. So 'We don't hit, it hurts people'. 'If you throw food on the floor, it makes a mess and we have to throw it away'. Etc.

(Sorry for multiple posts) I have three children, the eldest is 12 and I have never called any of them naughty. They don't seem to have turned into wild beasts.

Good luck for the next twenty years!

Some people call their children effing ceeeees.

Sense of proportion required, I feel.

I tell my 8 month old that he’s trouble when he tries to go for the tinsel on the Christmas tree. I don’t think he’s scarred for life though as he just giggles at me when I tell him.

My husband can be a little over zealous with the word naughty.

But, in this case, he probably tried to correct her several times yet she still kept drawing on the walls, so she was being naughty really!

Ffs.

Overthinking massively!

I cant believe he said that. He needs to check his male privilege

Its a red line imho, LTB.

signed mnFems

Why the hell did he not just take the pen away the first time - or even the second?!

When I did a course with the local Children's Centre, they stressed that you should say "that is naughty behaviour" rather than "you are a naughty child", as otherwise you are labelling them and they become that label.

it is difficult though to say the right thing every time. You don't want DD to grow up thinking she is a naughty girl, but you can't tread on eggshells either.

Maybe ask DP to say "that was naughty" rather than "naughty girl" ?

OMG have you called the police!?

Just ask him to say 'No, that's naughty.' instead of 'You're naughty.'

I'm not sure I could use the word "naughty" and keep a straight face when telling a child off. I like phrases such as "we don't do that", or "not nice", or "not good".

I'm not fond of signs such as "naughty person on board" or clothes which say "here comes trouble".

Between adults, naughty has a very different meaning, as in "Ooh, aren't we naughty!!!" or "naughty but nice". I'd be thinking too much of that!

Sorry kitkats, x post.

ilovekitkats

When I did a course with the local Children's Centre, they stressed that you should say "that is naughty behaviour" rather than "you are a naughty child", as otherwise you are labelling them and they become that label.

What a load of tripe. What evidence does the CC have for this?

Does anyone think an 18 month old will distinguish between "ooh, I am exhibiting naughty behaviour" and "I'm a naughty girl"? Scribbling on walls is naughty, tell the child that using whatever combination of "you're naughty/that's naughty" conveys it quickly, and move on.

If you label them, they become that label. ???
what absolute utter rubbish.

If I told my 2yo she was a princess and she was going to win the 400m Olympic gold medal whilst managing a FTSE 100 company

it would follow that it would all come true? There are some real daft people around

Normal toddler behaviour does include naughty behaviour.

I don’t agree. I’ve always seen my dcs ‘naughty behaviour’ as them learning and not knowing yet, sometimes testing boundaries because they don’t know them yet, sometimes carrying on because they haven’t learn how to control their impulses yet. Sometimes screaming and kicking because they can’t express themsleves (Esp True when they are so little but also later on when they can’t express their own feelings because they don’t have either the words or the ability to put into words their sometimes complex emotions)

Always always an opportunity for learning.

Being ‘naughty’ comes a much much later imo, as children become an older child and they start doing some stuff on purpose KNOWING they shouldn’t do xx but still doing it anyway.