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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is he? Cats, new flat, money, boyfriend

207 replies

twiney · 13/12/2017 09:41

I'm going to try and keep this short and objective.

Me and my BF of one year are moving in together after him basically living at mine.

We found an amazing new place that has a balcony leading on to a huge massive rooftop terrace. The terrace is huge and has 360 degree views of the city (140m2).

The apartment fits all his criteria and I like it too - except one of my major criteria was having outdoor space for my beloved cats, which is why we originally were looking at houses.

I will be paying the vast majority of the rent and will need to find the deposit money, because I make a lot more than him.

I found a company that specialises in catproofing terraces so I want to pay them to come abd fit out the terrace. This means we can still enjoy it, but as a bonus the cats will have a massive and SAFE rooftop playground to enjoy. Theres no way in hell I would let them out without it and I would be nervous they would slip out to the unprotected rooftop as cats ofteb do.

My boyfriend refuses to have the terrace secured as he says the chickenwire style fencing around the rooftop will ruin the view. He says we should catproof the small balcony but leave the terrace open.

Who is BU? I see his point that its annoying. But I love my cats and he knows that my major priority in moving was getting them some space.

I also admit to feeling a little resentment - im the one doing most of the shelling out here, so shouldnt he just enjoy having an amazing flat at subsidised rent and let me get on with it?

But maybe AIBU

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2017 10:15

OP, you care about your cats and want to keep them safe. You say you can't trust him to share this concern.

If this guy is someone you might consider sharing your life with long-term, please note that such attitudes usually extend to babies/toddlers too such people don't suddenly develop a sense of giving a shit about the safety of others later in life.

I'm not seeing his appeal tbh.

araiwa · 13/12/2017 10:16

as if the landlord and leaseholder are going to let you turn their roof terrace into a prison/ industrial estate with those ridiculous, ugly fences

FluffyWuffy100 · 13/12/2017 10:16

Also... BF of one year? I don't think that is in the territory where you should be paying so much more money for the rent that him unless you have much bigger expectations of housing than him. Can you work to his budget and see how the relationship develops?

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 13/12/2017 10:16

That fencing is hideous and I would be amazed if a landlord allowed it. Your boyfriend can't be trusted to keep your cats safe. I'd be inclined to find somewhere else and take a long hard look at whether this is a long term relationship.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 10:18

Fairy lights would soften that fence.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2017 10:18

Laguna Not true. It is a rental flat, she hast check with the 'LL and the head lease

Sorry I missed out obviously once you check with Landlord from my post! Grin

Mrdarcyswife · 13/12/2017 10:18

I just dont know how much im supposed to compromise?

This phrase really jumped out at me.

It sounds to me like you are worried that you are being asked to compromise the safety of your pets, because he doesn't want the fencing and you can't trust him to keep them safe, by shutting doors etc.

It doesn't sound like a good thing for you or the cats, regardless of who's paying the rent.

You can compromise on things like paint colour and light fittings, I don't think you can compromise on animal safety.

user1471462115 · 13/12/2017 10:18

My cats would all love that and not see it as an obstacle at all..........

My friends cat needed £1000000000's spending to mend all her broken bones when she jumped after a bird from only a first floor window.

Get a house......... And a new man ! Or another cat

PersianCatLady · 13/12/2017 10:19

I don't know why the OP won't answer the question about the LL and MC, perhaps she wasn't planning on asking them??

araiwa · 13/12/2017 10:19

Fairy lights would soften that fence.

search lights and gun turrets are the norm for that fence

GeekyWombat · 13/12/2017 10:21

Neither your boyfriend or that flat sound suitable I'm afraid!

OnASummersDay · 13/12/2017 10:22

I completely understand the thinking about you paying more of the flat and therefore you getting more choice - however, if you earn so much more than him, surely this applies to other aspects of your life? How do you deal with him earning less in other areas?

I feel that in a partnership where one makes significantly more than the other, to bring it up as an excuse for things to fall in your favour lessens the 'partnership' - as in, if it comes up once (which I totally understand how it would) it is going to come up again and again.

If you were a SAHM and your husband was using the excuse that he earns more and put more money in so he should have his way, then I feel that the response here would be very different.

However, you say you put all the effort in finding the place which is different altogether - him suddenly butting in about the view must seem annoying.

I do agree with others that the fencing is ugly but your cats' safety does come first. If you can't agree on this, maybe it is time to look for somewhere that you both can agree on.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2017 10:22

To be clear the LL has no problem with the cats

Not the same as fence, you seem to be avoiding the questions lots of people have asked you about LLs permission for fence though?

coastalchick · 13/12/2017 10:23

Personally I'd ditch the boyfriend, take the flat and live there happily ever after with your cats. But that's just me.

stickytoffeevodka · 13/12/2017 10:24

To be clear the LL has no problem with the cats.

That's not the same as them being OK with you installing cat-proof fencing on his terrace.

My old LL was perfectly happy for us to have cats in our flat. He was also okay with us putting temporary netting over the windows so we could have them open, but he would not have been okay with us making expensive, permanent changes to his property that would potentially devalue it, and cost money to remove in the future.

13sleepstillsanta · 13/12/2017 10:27

you folks need to look for another place.

Jaxhog · 13/12/2017 10:28

How nice he has found a flat that fits all his criteria AND has someone to fund it for him.
So where is his compromise exactly?

PersianCatLady · 13/12/2017 10:28

Thing is the LL could love the idea of the cat fencing but even he doesn't get the final say.

The head lease or the management company does.

Also with cats, I had a LL once say "Persian cat, no problem" but then I found out that the head lease said "No Pets".

LL checked with Management Company, end result, no cats.

Lazyjane76 · 13/12/2017 10:29

Putting aside everything else, I’ve just had my yard cat proofed with a very similar structure and whilst initially it all felt a bit prison exercise yard you soon get used to it. I barely see it now.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/12/2017 10:29

If it's the fence or getting a house with a garden, those are the choices your BF has - not "unsafe roof terrace -v- safe roof terrace". If he won't compromise on the fencing, then that flat is off the list and you find a house instead.

Or you move in, safety-proof the terrace anyway, and tell BF he can put up with it or sling his hook.

isseywithcats · 13/12/2017 10:29

have you thought of doing a more low level outdoor run for the cats like they have in catterys so the cats could go out but you dont lose the view, like a covered rabbit run would also be cheaper and more portable if you move house

Lizzie48 · 13/12/2017 10:29

I think the fencing looks awful too, OP, sorry. I would be surprised if your LL didn't object to you doing that. I'm a real cat lover myself, I would wait to find a suitable house or a ground floor flat.

JediStoleMyBike · 13/12/2017 10:29

Not to mention, even if the landlord allowed it you'd have to return the flat to the state it was when you got it. That would mean putting right any damage or holes created in the erection of that fence. Worth thinking about as that could be an expensive fix if you have to replace bits of the fence that is there already.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 13/12/2017 10:30

I think you need to sort your boyfriend situation out first.

I think you might have yourself a bit of a cocklodger or at the very least a selfish twat.

Why are you subsidising him! You’re not married & are only just about to start properly living together. There is NO good reason for you to be subsidising his living costs. If he can’t afford to go half in the rent & bills then he needs to get a better job or a 2nd job or live with his parents or in a group share. NOT be kept by you.

If it were me I wouldn’t move into that apartment wth cats, when you can afford a house with a garden.

Gemini69 · 13/12/2017 10:30

this guys not that into you .... he's INTO the penthouse apartment you can provide and pay for him...

Protect your Cats .... DITCH the Dick

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