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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is he? Cats, new flat, money, boyfriend

207 replies

twiney · 13/12/2017 09:41

I'm going to try and keep this short and objective.

Me and my BF of one year are moving in together after him basically living at mine.

We found an amazing new place that has a balcony leading on to a huge massive rooftop terrace. The terrace is huge and has 360 degree views of the city (140m2).

The apartment fits all his criteria and I like it too - except one of my major criteria was having outdoor space for my beloved cats, which is why we originally were looking at houses.

I will be paying the vast majority of the rent and will need to find the deposit money, because I make a lot more than him.

I found a company that specialises in catproofing terraces so I want to pay them to come abd fit out the terrace. This means we can still enjoy it, but as a bonus the cats will have a massive and SAFE rooftop playground to enjoy. Theres no way in hell I would let them out without it and I would be nervous they would slip out to the unprotected rooftop as cats ofteb do.

My boyfriend refuses to have the terrace secured as he says the chickenwire style fencing around the rooftop will ruin the view. He says we should catproof the small balcony but leave the terrace open.

Who is BU? I see his point that its annoying. But I love my cats and he knows that my major priority in moving was getting them some space.

I also admit to feeling a little resentment - im the one doing most of the shelling out here, so shouldnt he just enjoy having an amazing flat at subsidised rent and let me get on with it?

But maybe AIBU

OP posts:
stickytoffeevodka · 13/12/2017 09:57

Would you even be allowed to put fencing up like that? I doubt most landlords would let you make such big changes to their property - most private landlords don't even let you paint to your chosen colour.

I would find out what the landlord would allow before getting into an argument about it, but I wouldn't move somewhere that wasn't suitable for my cats.

NoCanoe · 13/12/2017 09:57

You need to keep your cats safe. Either get it done or look for another property. I wouldn't compromise.

Original poster
twiney · 13/12/2017 09:57

See some of you are saying the fencing looks awful.

Personally sure, it obstructs the view a little, but it doesnt bother me, and I'd rather have a slightly less clear view but relax knowing my pets are safe than be gazing out across a view but worried.

Just to confirm - I definitely cant trust the cats on an unsecured terrace, right?

Whats pissing me off ATM is how everything is basically left to me and then suddenly hes interested when his precious view is under threat.

OP posts:
Assburgers · 13/12/2017 09:58

You could make it look nice by stringing lights around it. But maybe look for another flat? On your own? Your boyfriend sounds like an arse.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 13/12/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HardAsSnails · 13/12/2017 09:59

Some cats can escape cat proof fencing so there's no way I'd risk it at height. A house would be so much better for cats who go outdoors.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2017 09:59

Since the alternative is your cats jumping off and dying because they chased a bird he should suck it up Hmm

I think he's a right dick. There's no way someone as infantile as him is going to make sure the door is always shut while he's out there enjoying the terrace you're paying for.

He will want the doors open to enjoy the breeze and the view in summer.

I'd be very surprised if your landlord allowed the fencing though. It looks like it would cost thousands too.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 13/12/2017 10:00

I would be looking for a house tbh.

Original poster
twiney · 13/12/2017 10:01

To be clear the LL has no problem with the cats.

@MyRelationshipIsWeird
I agree, thank you for this balanced view. I do feel uneasy about my opinion trumping his, and I do agree it ruins rhe charm somewhat.

In essence, if I were going it alone, I would take this flat which is amazing, but I would go ahead and cat proof it.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2017 10:01

I don't want to derail your thoughts here but please please for the love of god if you continue this relationship PLEASE don't run round doing 'all the research' and leg work and present him with a short list for him to pick from. I have been there and it's madness.

^^100 times this!!

SpringTown46 · 13/12/2017 10:01

The place isn't suitable. Nor is the boyfriend.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 13/12/2017 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
twiney · 13/12/2017 10:02

@LaurieFairyCake
"He will want the doors open to enjoy the breeze and the view in summer."

How did you know? Those were almost his exact words...

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 13/12/2017 10:02

Whats pissing me off ATM is how everything is basically left to me and then suddenly hes interested when his precious view is under threat.

This is the nub of your problem, you either need to find a different place to move to, or a new OH.

Fuckoffee · 13/12/2017 10:03

My cat wouldn’t be stopped by that fencing. She would jump on the cream wall next to it and be off.
It does look like a compound. I’d look for a different place to live.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 13/12/2017 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
twiney · 13/12/2017 10:04

Maybe there's some other way of catproofing it.

To be honest they are indoor cats and would be fine just in this much bigger appartment.

The thing is, if I were on my own, this wouldnt be a problem: I would have a very rigid system of shutting them off from the living room when I wanted to use the terrace and so it would never, and I mean never, happen that they would accidentally slip out onto the terrace.

The problem is I cant trust him to be as meticulous. Its annoying.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 13/12/2017 10:04

To be clear the LL has no problem with the cats
Have you shown the LL and the Management Company these pictures?

Have they given you permission to install this fencing?

LaurieFairyCake · 13/12/2017 10:06

You can't trust him to be 'meticulous' Shock

You mean you can't trust him to NOT KILL YOUR CATS

Dump him, get more cats. There's a meme going round on Facebook which says "I am one bad relationship away from getting 30 cats".

You're there already Grin

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 13/12/2017 10:09

The fencing looks bad but we make many sacrifices for animals. Not sure the fence would stop
A cat on a mission though. It would stop
Him inadvertently chasing a bird into thin air. The flat isn’t suitable for a cat though. I’d suggest at this stage in your relationship rent somewhere where you can both contribute equally. You’re renting so could easily move if it goes well. I’d be very surprised if you were allowed to put that up under the terms of the lease (ie the flats lease not your rental)

BluePlasticBuddha · 13/12/2017 10:11

You are not answering the question if the LL would allow such an erection. My strong bet is that they would not.

FluffyWuffy100 · 13/12/2017 10:12

The flat doesn't work cos of the cats - need to find a house or ground floor flat.

EEandEmakes3 · 13/12/2017 10:13

I think you should just forget about the flat and go back to looking at houses. My cats would view that fence as a new climbing frame to be honest.

You say that the LL is ok with cats but are they ok with you altering the terrace? Those posts will need to be secured to something and therefore you would be altering the structure of the terrace. If you do it, be prepared to kiss your security deposit goodbye.

Oh and if your boyfriend has a list of criteria to suit himself, he should be kicking in more than a token amount. Your cats are the least of your worries.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/12/2017 10:13

The cats/cat fencing is a red herring (to an extent). You are not on an even remotely even basis in this relationship, run Forrest run, he's not a decent chap.
The flat sounds unsuitable.

cherrycola2004 · 13/12/2017 10:14

my garden has that sort of stuff for my cats, doesnt look the best i guess but they're happy so hey ho. i'd stick to what YOU want, if he doesn't like it, tough titty!