To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

[g1itterati]

AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

While I don't understand shooting things for fun, it's the whole keeping birds etc that keeps the countryside running

I wouldn't like it. I think shoots like that are cruel and I would be quite disappointed in my DH if he wanted to take part in one.

Ummm. I would say ‘proper’ gun people don’t get their guns out over a meal. Perhaps she just wants to show off? Our guns are locked away unless we need them.

I would be if my DP did this, TBH it'd be a deal breaker. I could not be with some who though shooting living things was fun.

in actual fact we're in Central London
You don't say!

The things she is talking about are not quite so unusual or shocking as you seem to think they are and people who shoot pheasants 'for fun' generally eat them, as I understand it, so I think saying it should be banned is a little over the top.
On the other hand, I would expect your DH could be a little more sensitive bearing in mind he is married to a vegetarian.

it's the whole keeping birds etc that keeps the countryside running

There's a world of difference between hunting a fox for fun and shooting birds for food. I'll agree the way some estates rear and release birds can be a questionable, but most shoots are far more civilised in dispatching pheasants than, say, a chicken-processing factory.

But your husband, who is presumably not vegetarian, has his own ethics, and gets to make his own call on shooting, surely? I’ve been vegetarian for 25 years, and one of my best friends at university had a family shoot, and would have people round for dinner with dead game hanging off the tops of cupboards, pheasant (frequently full of shot) for everyone else to eat, and a vegetarian curry for me.

I don’t approve of blood sports in any form — and I currently live in a very hunting and shooting part of the country — but I get far more exercised about cheap, inhumanely-reared and -slaughtered meat, tbh.

If my OH did this I would kick him out. I abhor hunting and killing for "sport". The birds are bred specifically to be shot at and are often not killed outright. It's disgusting. YADNBU. Anyone that gets their kicks from killing defenceless animals has a screw loose.

Agree with Dahlietta totally.

I think getting the guns out in company for whom guns aren’t normal is a bit odd...but she has a cupboard and presumably a licence.

I think the issue is with your DH doing something you’re so opposed to rather than that it exists at all.

And also, I’m not vegan. I recognise my choice to consume dairy products leads to the slaughter of male calves, among other things. I’m not guiltless re animal suffering.

I have no issue with hunting or shooting. Your DH needs to make his own decision.

What the hell is she shooting in the middle of London? She's either a properly eccentric aristo or a try hard.

They aren't going to eat what they kill? I wouldn't like that. If they do intend to eat what they kill, I wouldn't have an issue with it.

Keeping birds etc also has adverse effects, for example the decline of hen harriers. The whole question is difficult, and I'm never sure where the truth lies. There's a lot of money behind publicising the benefits of managing for grouse and pheasant.

I would say ‘proper’ gun people don’t get their guns out over a meal.

Yes, this. Very much this. You just don't show off your guns.

NB I am vegetarian too, but from a farming, huntin'/shootin'/fishin' family.

I'd avoid them, really. Certainly not get friendly with them nor invest with them.

How does keeping birds keep the countryside running? Why not just let the birds be wild?

DH has gone away now with work. He knows how I feel. He invited her DH on a racing day some months ago and he says this is the guy repaying that. He says it's just business.

If I'm absolutely honest, the whole thing disgusts me and I don't want DH getting drawn into it.

The birds are bred specifically to be shot at and are often not killed outright

Take a trip to your local abattoir and then question which is more humane.

So much environmental damage is done by the bird-shooting industry. It's one of the reasons the moorlands up here are empty wastelands instead of being full of life. They persecute anything that predates the birds (hen harriers being the most crying shame), and their land practices are bad for the water system too (markavery.info/2017/09/21/moorland-imbalance-4/).

This would be a deal-breaker for me, too.

What the hell is she shooting in the middle of London? She's either a properly eccentric aristo or a try hard.

I thought that too!

Well, you might show them off to others who are also into their guns. But not like that, not Look! We have guns!

@ginfiend makes a good point, but if they are desperately missing their previous life, they might?

I do agree with dahlietta that these things are not that unusual. I think it’s lovely to be invited to shoot; for many people it can be quite an Honour.

Sonlypuppyfat also has a point; shooting does provide significant income for the countryside and drives its own economy and employment.

I thought gun licences specify guns need to be under lock and key at all times when not being used. I doubt you're supposed to get them out during dinner parties.

Although I did know someone as a student whose father used to take pot shots at the family crockery.

You dh is an adult. Presumably theses birds will be shoot to eat? Your dh eats meat and I don’t see how it’s any diffrent to eating a cow, pig or chicken tbh they have all been killed so people can eat them too.

You don’t have to like it but that doesn’t change the fact he can make his own mind up and his not asking you to go and join in is he.