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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

256 replies

g1itterati · 11/12/2017 09:04

AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 11/12/2017 09:49

Your title sounds like it would be ok in a different county! If it was on. Norfolk would it be ok ?
Meh
Let him.go.if he wants..
You can go on your own vegetarian weekend?

Tho these new friends sound batty. I wouldn't want my dc around guns...

Fraying · 11/12/2017 09:49

If someone is hungry and needs to shoot a bird then fair enough.
I'm not very clear on your point here. It sounds as though you don't object to shooting birds to eat but you are objecting to people networking whilst they do it. If the end result is that the bird gets eaten then I don't see why the networking is an issue. I also think it's your DH's decision if he wants to shoot or not. You can tell him how you feel but it might be worth working out your real objection; the networking? the shooting? not eating the birds?
We have family who shoot and I must admit I agree with all the PPs who are pointing out how odd it was that she showed you her guns.

lynmilne65 · 11/12/2017 09:50

And that's why he's an ex !

mustbemad17 · 11/12/2017 09:52

I'm baffled by people being okay with picking up a bird at Tesco (other supermarkets available) but not okay with shooting your own?? Seriously?!

TatianaLarina · 11/12/2017 09:52

You can buy what we want to eat, we’re not living in caves FFS !

Where do you think the pheasants come from that you buy in the supermarket? Have you never wondered why pheasants sometimes have shot in them? ‘‘Tis because they’ve been shot for you to eat.

I get my wild game from shoots.

cantfindname · 11/12/2017 09:53

I wouldn't like it if I were a veggie. In fact I am not a veggie but still not very keen on shooting birds as a 'sport'

Having said that I also wouldn't stop my OH if that is what he wanted to do. Lay down a few rules such as he deals with the birds himself and they are to be hung nowhere that you need to be.

I really would not cause any rows over it. He is a man, used to guns and shooting, let him go play boys games as long as they don't actively affect you.

zzzzz · 11/12/2017 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giggorata · 11/12/2017 09:53

Agree with silky... very odd behaviour, trying too hard.
Without country sports, farmers and land owners would have no reason to maintain hedgerows, woodland, copses, etc. We would end up with the countryside being a wheat prairie. Not to mention the impact on the countryside economy.
People who are against “blood” sports but eat meat should inform themselves about the meat industry, what goes on in abattoirs, etc, and then see if they feel the same about their sanitised, shrink wrapped end product. Doesn't that just enable them not to face the reality?

TatianaLarina · 11/12/2017 09:53

*not that I shoot them myself I’m a terrible shot. But that’s where they come from.

IJustLostTheGame · 11/12/2017 09:54

Ordering pheasants to pluck is silly and pretentious. I don't like my pheasant hung for too long. It's rich and flavoursome enough as it is. It only needs a day or so if its mild.
I've grown up in a shooting family who has shot for generations, nobody, not once has ever got their gun out in order to show off. If they did they would never have been invited back.
Guns were tools not toys.
If I ever handled a gun without care it would have been taken off me and I would never have seen it again.

newmum7369 · 11/12/2017 09:56

This is a tricky one OP. Shooting is commonplace in my world and workplace, as is hunting, fishing etc. The vast majority of shoots eat the birds they kill rather than just for sport, but I also know of other more commercial shoots that operate on far too big a scale to be able to consume the numbers shot. I could be wrong but it sounds to me that this lady's shoot is the former, the latter costing thousands of pounds per gun per day and a casual invite being much less likely.

The argument for environmental damage is a difficult one too. Yes it is true that the vast number of pheasants alone cause environmental damage themselves by damaging nearby crops, not to mention drives etc being cut into the countryside, but equally gamekeeping makes a huge contribution to conservation as well. For example, landowners will plant cover crop to give birds and attractive environment to linger in before they are flushed out and cover crop is dense with environmentally rich plants which support numerous other habitats.

I do agree that it seems bizarre that this lady is showing off her guns, particularly to someone who she knows is vegetarian and probably doesn't support the sport. It also sounds like she is showing off by donning full tweeds and wellies on the school run, but each to their own I suppose.

It comes down to how strongly you feel about your DH not attending the shoot and how you deal with these types of situations in your relationship. This sort of thing is very personal and I don't think you'll get the answer from Mumsnet. I can fully understand that you disagree with the sport and don't what your DH to partake, but also you are a vegetarian and he is not - do you feel the same when he eats meat?

Also second the poster who mentioned abattoirs. I grew up on a beef farm and a visit to a slaughterhouse would be a big eye opener for many, despite being perfectly legal and human practice.

Serin · 11/12/2017 09:56

Its your DH's call I guess but I certainly wouldn't be investing in any of this couples business interests. They sound like a pair of insecure prats.

I have no issue with shooting for food, I would much rather be a wild red deer in Scotland roaming the highlands than a factory farmed animal, but I do wish the gamekeepers would stop killing endangered Hen harriers Angry

EssexCat · 11/12/2017 09:57

I'm from a rural background and have minimal issue with hunting birds for eating. Much more of an issue with fox hunting - not that that is particularly relevant here.

But the getting guns out in public???!?!?? That's an enormous no no. A cabinet is usually hidden away and the guns never come out unless they're being cleaned or about to be used.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 09:59

She would have shown the guns at the coffee morning, but everyone had to rush out because the controlled parking was starting. Nobody had any idea what she was talking about, to be honest.

When you go to the house there are so many muddy wellies by the door, you wonder where she actually goes to get all that mud. Nobody wears wellies in London. I find the whole thing over the top.

OP posts:
TheLastSoala · 11/12/2017 10:00

As a lover of the beautiful North York Moors (God's own country) - I know that that wonderful and biodiverse habitat is only possible because large parts are managed for grouse shooting.

I personally would find it difficult to shoot wild birds (though I have shot rabbits in my youth, not sure I would now). But please let your DH go, without the contributions of the shooting economy the future of the landscape would be seriously in doubt.

deepestdarkestperu · 11/12/2017 10:02

You can buy what we want to eat, we’re not living in caves FFS !

And where do you think that food comes from? Pheasant, venison and other game is only available in supermarkets because other people go out and shoot it, and prepare it for you to eat.

If you feel uncomfortable with that, maybe you shouldn't be eating meat in the first place. It doesn't just appear in the supermarkets from thin air - people have to shoot it or take it to slaughter first!

BreatheMeIn · 11/12/2017 10:02

Anyone else picturing Miss Jolly?

To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?
toolonglurking · 11/12/2017 10:02

Every pheasant I have ever shot, I have eaten. They are delicious, so nasty shitty chemicals and water to fatten them up. Is rather shoot and eat fresh pheasant and venison for every meal than buy a single piece of meat from the mass produced market.

HousefulOfBoysAndMe · 11/12/2017 10:02

The whole “ but we’d eat everything we shoot “ bollocks doesn’t stand up. You can buy what we want to eat, we’re not living in caves FFS

This way of thinking is just...well...I don't even understand how you could be this ridiculous tbh.

You do know that when you pop to Tesco for your meat it still needs to have been killed by someone right?

LG93 · 11/12/2017 10:02

My DH is a gamekeeper. Everything shot is eaten, so it’s not just for sport as some pp seem to think. They’ll only shoot things in season (and nothing endangered) and it’s more about controling populations rather than shooting everything that moves. I get as a vegetarian you may not be comfortable with it, but it’s not as barbaric as some people think. I have a freezer full of meat and I know where each and every animal came from (and were butchered by DH) and they lived a happy, wild life beforehand. My vegetarian family members would rather we did that then ate kfc for example

juddyrockingcloggs · 11/12/2017 10:04

If my husband even considered going shooting for 'fun' or any other bloodsport, I'd aim his gun at him until he packed his stuff and left. See how much enjoyment he got out of being the hunted.

It's a deal breaker, thankfully my DH isn't arsehole-ish enough to even consider it.

corythatwas · 11/12/2017 10:05

"He would never do this off his own bat. If he entertains he takes people car racing or something, but I guess he feels this is this man's "thing"."

Ah, so wrecking the environment for no reason at all is a proper way to conduct a business meeting, but shooting your own humanely reared meat is not.

And having too much mud on your boots is bad.

Why don't you come right out with it, OP, and say that everything that doesn't conform to your own little London bubble creeps you out?

whiskyowl · 11/12/2017 10:05

"You do know that when you pop to Tesco for your meat it still needs to have been killed by someone right?"

I'd assume that anyone who wrote that was a vegetarian, to be honest.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 10:09

Amazed at how many people shoot in here, but thankyou for your perspectives.
Of course I get the point about abbatiors and pre-packaged meat - this is the main reason I've been vegetarian since the age of 12! I personally want no part in it whatsoever, but I don't try and inflict this on anyone else.
I probably won't stop DH going on this one occasion, but I don't want it becoming in any way regular. This is not my scene at all.

OP posts: