To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

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AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

Oh... I’m a veggie and hate it when people make an issue of it. I’ve done my share of dispatching and preparing chickens and still prefer people raising their own food to the horrible circumstances of the food industry.
Surely your husband can decide if he wants to go and say no if he doesn’t agree. (But short answer... I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I’ve seen a photo of a shoot ... loads of pheasants layed out dead with people posing proudly above them. I don’t think there’s anything proud about this, I had a lot more humble attitude about putting an animal on the table.)

I hate shooting for sport. It's why we have practically no hen harriers! And the moorland is devoid of life! It's disgusting and I wish It was banned.

My husband knows how I feel and would never partake in this blood sport. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a serious chat. This would be a deal breaker for me...

I’m not sure why there’s a capital H there!

To be honest, when she used to talk about going off shooting, I thought she must be going to a clay pigeon range. That would be weird enough. But I think she drives miles out into the country and it's real birds. Presumably she brings some back and they eat them? Sounds utterly ridiculous to me.

I don't like any form of blood sport or shooting, I don't like horse racing either. DH wouldn't take part in either thank goodness. YANBU

it's the whole keeping birds etc that keeps the countryside running

Ha ha, yes the countryside and nature just wouldn't cope on it's own

Op, this would be a deal-breaker for me too. If my dh did this, then that would be the end of us.

To be pedantic, it's hardly for no reason and as a sport if she plucks them and hangs them in her pantry: it's a reasonably humane way of getting a meat meal.

Doesn't mean you have to approve of meat eating or want to assist it, but the pheasants are clearly going to be used as food, if not by your dh then by this woman and her shooting companions.

As pp have pointed out, there are some concerns about practices of some estates, particularly as regards predator birds. But for the pheasants themselves considerably more humane than rearing calves for your yoghurt or the milk in your tea. So if you're not a vegan I wouldn't take the moral high horse here.

Would however agree with some pp that she does seem a bit full on and that getting your guns out and showing them over a meal in this casual way seems a bit odd.

"Presumably she brings some back and they eat them? Sounds utterly ridiculous to me."

Why is this more ridiculous than going down to Tesco's and getting a bird that's been reared under factory conditions and pumped full of water and chemicals.

The whole showing off the guns thing is a bit weird and against the licence actually but if she's a bit odd that'll be why. I have nothing against people hunting for food, but bird shoots are a bit different as the situations is all a bit manufactured. But it's up to your DH I suppose, if he isn;t veggie it's not really worse than eating meat that comes from a supermarket. But if you feel so strongly speak to him about it. If my DW asked me not to do something like this as she found it really upsetting I wouldn't do it, I respect her ideals on this one as it wouldn't really matter to me but clearly would to her.

I'm a Yorkshire bird, i know lots of people who shoot (and eat what they kill). I can hand on heart say i have never come across anyone who makes such a big deal of it like this woman has and getting guns out at the dinner table? Unless you're in similar company & comparing the damn things that's just weird.

OP is your DH a vegetarian too? If so then I can see it being weird; if not then imo shooting your own is far more humane than buying it from a supermarket.

I'd personally have more issue with DH going to the bloody races - dog or horse - that is a barbaric industry!!

Our guns are locked in a gun cabinet at all times except when they're out being used. Why would you get them out to show at a dinner party? Sounds very childish to me.

Why does she keep guns in London to go shooting in Yorkshire? That means transporting them about in the boot of a car. There must be a secure place up there, gun club or similar where they could be kept.
Getting them out to show off sounds OTT.

Ummm. I would say ‘proper’ gun people don’t get their guns out over a meal.

Agree with this. How embarrassing.

My main question, TBH, would be about this 'investment opportunity'. If they're this gauche about their 'country' lifestyle, I would be suspicious of any investment activities with them. They sound a bit Del Boy.

It really depends for me. If they shot a couple birds to bring back to eat (I'm vegetarian too) I'd have less of an issue with it. If it's just enjoyment from gunning down an animal and leaving it there, I don't think I could be with someone that did that.

Well this woman sounds like a ridiculous poser who is desperate for everyone to think of her as part of the the traditional upper class hunting shooting fishing set. It's actually really pathetic, I am cringing for her. I've shot for years (clays rather than live birds though) and have stayed with friends whose parents run a shooting estate. Of the hundreds of people I have met involved in the sport, not one would have got guns out to show off to PTA mums. She is an utter prat. Also showing all and sundry who visit her house where her gun cupboard is could be a licensing issue, and is most certainly irresponsible to the point she shouldn't be allowed to own firearms imo.

Personally I don't have an issue with killing the animals you eat yourself, a pheasant has a much nicer life than any kind of farmed chicken, and providing someone who is a good shot kills it, it's a pretty instantaneous death. Better to take responsibility for killing what you eat than just buying mass produced meat/dairy in a supermarket imo. If your DH wants to go it's his choice surely? You wouldn't want to do it so don't do it yourself, you don't have to eat the birds if you object. Shoots are also excellent networking opportunities, which may be your DHs main consideration.

DH is not vege no. I do cook meat for the family, but I don't deal with whole birds and this kind of thing.

If someone is hungry and needs to shoot a bird then fair enough. I can't stand the fact that it's done under the guise of a business meeting, or the way people use it to gain connections and this kind of nonsense. I have never lived in the country, admittedly, but the whole thing is very unpleasant.

YY Rhiannon 'investment' is the trigger word in that whole OP!

Pheasants have lovely lives compared to factory chickens, for example. Being shot isn't a bad way to go.

Why the long preamble about this bloody woman, when the crux of the matter is, your DH have wildly differing views from you about the treatment of animals? It sounds like that you think if it wasn’t for this woman and her H, then you wouldn’t be put in the awkward position of being confronted with your H wishing to do something you are opposed to.

She’s right, how the bloody hell did you two get together? Your H is not opposed to shooting animals (or he wouldn’t have agreed to go), it’s probably up until now, he didn’t have the opportunity.

I don't see an issue with shooting birds to eat - it's no different to going to Tesco and buying a pre-prepared chicken to cook for Sunday lunch.

Getting guns out is irresponsible and potentially dangerous, but the rest of it doesn't bother me. What's wrong with shooting, preparing and eating your own food? Arguably it's more ethical/responsible than eating food you're not prepared to kill yourself.

The birds are not shot for no reason, they’re shot to eat.

If you’re a vegetarian I get why you’re against shooting, but if your DH isn’t then it’s up to him whether he goes.

You absolutely cannot ask him not to go that would be weirdly controlling.

You can ask him not to bring pheasants back though, or if he does they should be ready plucked and you don’t have to deal with them.

Also baffled by her getting her guns out at the table anywhere, let alone central London. I’m in Yorkshire and a good friend lives on her fathers extensive shooting estate. Apparently it’s a very good one, I’ve never seen guns there because I don’t shoot.
She does sound very odd. I hope your husband is on guard and cautious about any financial exposure to people you don’t know very well.
Hopefully she’s just a bit bonkers, the alternative is that they are hamming up the solidity of their “county set” credentials for kudos or financial gain.
I do know country types who merrily turn up almost everywhere in tatty wax jackets and jumpers reeking of dogs and horses, but they don’t whip out their guns or equestrian/ livestock ribbons to show friends or acquaintances.

Pheasants have lovely lives compared to factory chickens, for example. Being shot isn't a bad way to go.

I dunno about lovely. They're hatched and reared in massive, crowded, stinking sheds, then deposited on the ground when they're big enough. They're dim things, and don't really have a clue about where they are or how to survive; they just hang about until some toff comes along and shoots them.

Isehan - I can honestly say, the subject has never really come up before. I know DH wouldn't go on a fox hunt. He's not a country hunting type and we don't know people who are so this kind of thing doesn't factor in our lives.

He would never do this off his own bat. If he entertains he takes people car racing or something, but I guess he feels this is this man's "thing".

Funnily enough, my DP and I had this conversation a few weeks ago. His mate wanted to arrange a shooting weekend, and I told him I’d have a serious problem with it. The whole “ but we’d eat everything we shoot “ bollocks doesn’t stand up. You can buy what we want to eat, we’re not living in caves FFS ! Anyway, DP understood my feelings and won’t go now. Shooting animals for sport is abhorrent.