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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to shoot birds in Yorkshire?

256 replies

g1itterati · 11/12/2017 09:04

AIBU or a bit "precious" please? I'm quite wound up about this since Saturday.

I'm a rep at The DC's school with 2 other mums. One of them is quite a "character" - e.g. she turns up to school runs in green wellies, tweeds and a Barbour jacket as if she's on a farm in god knows where, when in actual fact we're in Central London. She talks loudly that she has to dash as she's late for "the shoot" - though I never quite brought myself to enquire where and what she will be shooting.

When we held a coffee morning at her house, she was about to get her "guns" out (yes, actual guns from a gun cupboard) but fortunately most people had to make a quick exit because of the parking metres. She is from Yorkshire and makes no bones about the fact that she wants to move back up there asap, leave her DH working in London for a few more years and put the DC in a boarding prep. Anyway, each to their own. She is very friendly and actually quite funny.

They asked DH and I over for lunch this weekend. I had told her I was vegetarian to which she said, "Why?" I said I was fine to just have veg and sides, so that was that. Anyway, when we got there, she was making a big thing about how she orders whole dead pheasants from Yorkshire and plucks them herself! Apparently she has then hanging in the "pantry!" Then, after lunch, talk turned to shooting and they proceeded to get out what can only be described as a whole arsenal of guns and then talked us through what they have shot with them!

My AIBU is - her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other and he has invited him on a two-day shoot of birds in Yorkshire in Jan! DH has accepted this.

This morning I thanked her when I saw her briefly and she said (laughing) "Your DH is a dark horse, how did you two get together?!" Basically, she is alluding to the fact he was once trained and has used guns professionally and I'm anti- the whole thing.

AIBU to ask DH not to go because I am totally anti- fox-hunting and what is the point of shooting birds for no reason as a sport? Personally, I think it should be made illegal. Or should I just accept that some people are different to me and let it go?

OP posts:
cingolimama · 11/12/2017 13:24

OP, do you not see your argument against killing birds doesn't stand up when you suggest that instead he should "buy one from a local butcher". You do understand that the bird at the butchers is dead, and was once alive. Someone .... killed it.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 13:32

Please don't patronise me as if I don't know meat has to be killed. I'm against a lot of farming practices as well, but two wrongs don't make a right.
I don't buy the argument of, "Oh well at least it's not battery-farming", or, "you should go to the slaughterhouses where the supermarkets buy their meat." Yes I know this, but what can I do about it? As an individual, I don't eat meat products from anywhere, but I can't force others to feel the same, can I?

OP posts:
cingolimama · 11/12/2017 13:36

Actually, I think that if you're going to eat meat (and I understand you're vegetarian OP, but your DH isn't) then you can't be squeemish about it. It's important to understand that "meat" was once an animal. My Italian grandmother, who taught me how to hunt (using everything for food), insisted that I know how to kill, and then prep an animal for the kitchen. There is a link between the countryside and what's on your plate, and this should be valued.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 13:39

sonly (very rude) - if the pheasants aren't native here then why breed them at all?

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 11/12/2017 13:39

But there is a difference between eating meat and enjoying killing something. As I said, wandering out with a gun and killing one duck - that's to eat meat. Planning a whole day around competitive slaughter - that's disturbing to me!

Janetjanetjanet · 11/12/2017 13:41

Where's she from in Yorkshire?

It's not Keighley is it.

Janetjanetjanet · 11/12/2017 13:42

'feels like there is a certain status-led drive to it'

^

Of course.

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 13:48

Janet - I'm not 100% sure and I must admit I've never been up that way. This obviously goes on all over the country (more than I was aware of).

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 11/12/2017 13:53

They breed them to shoot them, if the farmers didn't make money from allowing shoots to happen on their land, they would have to sell the land. And then it would get built on why do you not understand any of this

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 13:58

"why do you not understand this?"

Why are you so aggressive?

I very much doubt it's as simple as no pheasants = no countryside. I just don't believe that is the reason, sorry. They do it because they enjoy the sport.

OP posts:
SteadyFreddie · 11/12/2017 14:10

I don’t have a problem with shooting, per se, provided that what is killed is eaten. I am also mindful that it provides a livelihood to a whole host of gamekeepers etc.

My husband shoots and we make a concerted effort to eat what he shoots. For example, last Saturday’s shoot has given us two brace of pheasant and I will be using some of that later today to make a pie.

Like several of the other posters here, I would point out that game is free range, lean and healthy meat - far better than battery farm produced chicken.

I think it is a real shame that PR efforts to get people to eat more game haven’t been too successful,.,,especially at a time when we have food banks and the like.

onlyconnectfour · 11/12/2017 14:12

Is there anything worse than a smug hypocrite? OP you buy dead animals. You cook them. Your family eat them.

Stop being a twat. I suspect this is imply about being controlling, your poor husband.

sparechange · 11/12/2017 14:14

As PP said upthread, there are plenty of gun owners in London and the Met issues more shotgun and firearms certificates than any other force. I believe the highest rate of gun ownership per capita in the UK is in the borough of Wandsworth in SW London.

But the vast majority of owners are very very discreet about it for obvious reasons.
For example, a gun licence has your photo and address but you aren't supposed to use it as official ID because it draws attention to an address with guns on the premises

And having seen how long the gun dog handlers spend in the rain and cold making sure they've collected every last dead bird, OP please be assured they really do pick up everything that is shot
Selling the meat on is a vital income stream for the shoots

Viviennemary · 11/12/2017 14:19

I don't approve of shooting wildlife for sport either. But if my DH wanted to do this I wouldn't stop him. Not sure if I could accept a DH who fox hunted though.

FaintlyBaffled · 11/12/2017 14:22

If we didn't shoot pheasants then there wouldn't be any pheasants, it's as simple as that. Pheasants were originally ornamental birds so never equipped to "survive in the wild", this goes some way to explain their kamikaze tendencies on the roads.
Now I will freely admit that some people, both guns and gamekeepers, have dubious standards but I think that's the case in pretty much every walk of life. In the main I've never met a gun with anything but compassion and respect for the animals they shoot

BikeRunSki · 11/12/2017 14:27

My parents blossoming friendship with an extremely prominent MP (cabinet minister) ended when my parents went to dinner , and were served some bird or other that the MP had shot. My dad was veggie, and they knew it!

BertrandRussell · 11/12/2017 14:28

Bizarre behaviour for "shooting people" Never heard of getting guns out over lunch. Very strange.

Are you sure you weren't inadvertently extras in a new TV adaptation of a Wodehouse novel?

Original poster
g1itterati · 11/12/2017 14:43

I find the whole thing very depressing. Breeding animals for sport is warped in my opinion. It might make money, but it's still warped nonetheless.

onlyconnect - less of the "poor husband" - give me a break! If I was controlling, I would refuse to cook meat for him, full stop. As it is, I let the kids make up their own minds. One is veggie, the others are not.

Bertrand - yes very strange and I felt like it was all being rammed in my face. She does drink a lot though, DH puts it down to that.

OP posts:
GreyMorning · 11/12/2017 15:22

Pheasants have a lovely life and a swift dispatch, much better than most of the meat in the supermarket.

Have you actually spoken to your husband about this?

I live and grew up rurally so I don't see it as an issue but I am surprised she wears Hunters though, no one wears them shooting.

ObscuredbyFog · 11/12/2017 15:24

Getting their guns out was just beyond crass. Genuine country sports enthusiasts just do not behave like that.

her DH has now asked my DH to invest in something or other

This keeps getting sidetracked but OP it should be your main focus.

Be aware that during and after the shoot, there's always a slap-up meal and loads of alcohol. Don't let your DH be "persuaded" into investing in something dodgy and don't let him sign anything whilst he's there.

I really smell a trap and some oddball deal being set up here.
Have you looked into the costs of game-bird shooting for a day?
Mr. Gun will be paying out likely over £1K for your husband to shoot for one day, plus accommodation plus travel, so the investment he is trying to persuade your husband to pump money into will be a pretty big one if he has to recoup his outlay from every "investor" he finds.

Remember, all things that sound too good to be true are too good to be true, why "invest" in someone else's "foolproof" scheme when if it was such a winner and a moneyspinner it would be public knowledge.
No doubt other people there will be telling your husband how they have "invested" in Mr. Gun's scam scheme and how they are making so much profit they are living lives of luxury etc.

Please make your husband aware that he's very likely being set up to be separated from a very large sum of money and all the peripheral stuff that's setting the scene is very much class-based and is only to make him think if he goes ahead with the scam "investment" he'll be accepted into the upper echelons of society or however they are trying to pitch it to him.

It's not a lad's day out Xmas Sad

VanillaMincePie · 11/12/2017 15:27

Has your friend been watching too many episodes of "Ladies of London"??GrinGrin

GreyMorning · 11/12/2017 15:31

As an aside, does anyone else love the smell of a waxed jacket? Oddly it's taken my latest one three years to cultivate the perfect odour.

OP you do sound like a bit of a townie, I've never met anyone offended by muddy boots before 😂😂😂

GreyMorning · 11/12/2017 15:33

Do the pheasants in the butchers wonder in of their own free will and commit suicide? 😂

Nope they need to be shot first, honestly! You don't even seem to know how meat production works.

FaintlyBaffled · 11/12/2017 15:35

I wondered that about the Hunters too grey Grin

seagreengirl · 11/12/2017 15:37

I know what you mean OP and I agree with you. I don't think that I would feel the same about DH if he had killed for sport or fun. It would just take something away and make me feel differently about him.

It's nothing whatsoever to do with the ethics of it, or anything really. I just wouldn't like it and would feel less for him.

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