To think the parents should talk to us

[Vanessatiger]

Our daughter had started pre-school this autumn. The neighbour boy started the same school and was placed in the same class as her. We were quite apprehensive that he got placed in the same class because he has on at least 4 occasions during the year from aged 2-3 hit, bit and pushed her. He’s quite known within the community to be rather aggressive.

In the end of October we pulled her out of school because he was taunting her almost daily and she got so sad when I picked her up, she would tell us that she got pushed and fell on her head, and she’d come back with bite marks on her shoulders and arms.
The head teacher would tell me she got bitten or hit but he never revealed who it was, it’s the school’s policy. But our daughter is very verbal so would tell us the name of who hurt her.

I spoke to the mother of the boy several times, she always just fobbed it off and then excused herself to leave. I asked the school to do something about it. They said he’s just a three year old being a three year old. I told the school he needs additional help as he has bitten numerous kids (i found out by speaking to the other parents). The school said he just need being watched by the head teacher. So I’ve seen the head teacher always playing with him in the school yard leaving the 19 other children with the assistant teacher. I complained to school about it as it’s unfair to the other kids.
I asked the parents to speak to us.
Parents refused.
School thinks it’s all fine.

This is a private school in a small community in a expatriate area in a developing country. The director was appointed due to no interest in the job, she’s a trained teacher who was a parent at the school previously. There’s no accountability and they don’t want to put extra resources due to cost issues.
We got fed up so pulled our daughter out.

AIBU to think the parents (who are our neighbours) owe us an apology. Her husband has work relations with my husband, and I’ve spoken to the mother several times. From what I’ve gathered she doesn’t think the boy needs extra help and she got offended I complained to the school about him.

Strawberry
It was a general comment on why people don't engage. They have to protect themselves. The OP has said she blames the parents.

Most children require extra support at some point in their school careers. Those dealt a harder hand be it disability or other disadvantage often require more sustained support. I wouldn’t describe them as difficult kids more kids facing more difficult times. Be the person that helps, not the one that points and tuts and makes hard harder.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

The only way to get help and support for a child is to put them in school and show they don't cope. It's a very poor system for both parents and child and it's very difficult for you and your child OP too. However not in a million years would I want to be in the other parents shoes.

Just feel it's a bit low to go around gossiping about said family. Your daughter is fine so just drop it as you dd doesn't have to be in the situation again.

I would imagine they are doing all they can to prevent the biting but sometimes parents really struggle for a really long time and the shame of being judged by kversebsitive parents like you on a near daily basis is probably a bit much for them. If you were perhaps a little bit more reasonable (some three year olds, especially those with additional needs are aggressive, they are small children, it's not pleasant but beyond active attempts to improve the behaviour you really cannot expect anything more at this age) they would not avoid you like the plague, apologising in the process. We had some family friends who had a son who was a biter. Obviously I got bit quite a few times, it wasn't pleasant either for me or my parents but my parents never acted as if the little boy had committed a crime against humanity.