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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for equal undisturbed hobby time at home

203 replies

Fitbitironic · 09/12/2017 22:49

To keep it brief, dh's interests have him out of the house for a couple of hours at the weekend (effectively taking out a morning), and at least one evening every week. Sometimes additional times, and it can be for longer.
The rationalization has always been that he would look after DC if I wanted to do something, so I can't complain. The reality is that my interest is more home based, so I'm still regularly disturbed by DC, cutting into my time and breaking concentration. It's not something I can just pick up and take elsewhere. Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
AIBU to tell him to entertain his DC (quietly) for the relevant length of time so that I have my undisturbed hobby time too?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 09/12/2017 22:50

Is there any way you can do yours outside of the house? It's easier to get some peace that way. Btw are they only his children, or do they belong to both of you?

Toughtips · 09/12/2017 22:50

Yanbu

Antigonads · 09/12/2017 22:53

Do you keep a spreadsheet?

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 09/12/2017 22:53

Keep them out of your way, completely fine.

Keep them quiet, less fine

TrojansAreSmegheads · 09/12/2017 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mirime · 09/12/2017 22:56

Can't he take them out somewhere? DH does sometimes, though he often works weekends so it can be difficult for us.

Original poster
Fitbitironic · 09/12/2017 23:18

miri we also have the working weekends thing sometimes, so I'm really just talking about those times he's here and giving up on child free time when he works away Grin
He occasionally takes them out, but unless it's outside (not always pleasant!) it would be expensive, and not possible in the evening.
I know it's hard to keep them quiet at times, but it's much easier if you're interacting with them rather than sitting playing computer games and leaving them to come in and disturb me their own devices.
Mybrilliant they're our DC. And I can't take stuff with me to do it outside the house.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 10/12/2017 00:45

YANBU.
In the meantime, could you teach the children that when you are wearing your noise-cancelling headphones (etc) you are not to be disturbed?

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/12/2017 00:49

YANBU how old are the children?

BackforGood · 10/12/2017 00:53

In theory YANBU, but it depends on things like the layout of your house. If you have a spare bedroom / study you can shut yourself in, then it's not unreasonable. If, OTOH, you have no spare bedrooms and you have open plan living, then it is a lot less practical.
Also depends on ages of dc.
Difficult for us to know really.

GrockleBocs · 10/12/2017 01:10

Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
What are your working patterns? If he does a full time job and you are a SAHP (unless specific needsfor the dc) then it's a different slant to both of you working.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/12/2017 01:19

I think yabu and so is your dh. An evening is fine but not the weekend morning. Fine for you to have a hobby , but wait until the dc are in bed or it least on the way to bed.
Unless a hobby can involve your dc in some e.g. cycling , baking it should not be done when the dc are at home and awake.
Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/12/2017 02:24

Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

Bloody hell, really? My DD would be a bit freaked out if every second of my time was focused on her. It's a bit weird. Unless they're very young. Even then honestly.

lackingimagination · 10/12/2017 03:10

Just ask him, shouldn't be a problem.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2017 11:13

Mydcareamarvel - I disagree completely with that. Friends of ours revolve their life around their dc, and the dc is a bundle of anxiety,as all the families happiness rest on his shoulders at 8yo.' What do you want to do now ds?' Constant pressure.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/12/2017 11:42

No wonder the dc is anxious. I have seven dc it's not their happiness that is paramount it's about spending time with them.
Children are not little and wanting to spend time with their parents for very long, plenty of time for hobbies later.

Sirzy · 10/12/2017 11:48

Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

What an unhealthy attitude.

As for the OP I don’t think enough information has been provided to properly judge either way tbh

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/12/2017 15:04

Well with 7 kids I wouldn't have time for hobbies either!

Allthewaves · 10/12/2017 15:18

Can kids be signed up for an activity that dh can take them too

Thedriftofstars · 10/12/2017 15:29

MyDc I think you may be projecting your own issues onto OP - you have seven children, there's no wonder you don't have time for your own hobbies. Most people don't have that many. It's not unreasonable to want a couple of hours a week to do your own thing, particularly when your DP gets the same.

Greyhorses · 10/12/2017 15:31

Eh I have hobbies and children and DH is perfectly capable of watching DS on a weekend for an hour or two.

I think it's unhealthy to be consumed by your children actually.

Greyhorses · 10/12/2017 15:43

Eh I have hobbies and children and DH is perfectly capable of watching DS on a weekend for an hour or two.

I think it's unhealthy to be consumed by your children actually.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 15:46

I think more info needed. How old are the children and what hours do you both work.

ByThePowerOfRa · 10/12/2017 15:47

To me it depends, a bit, on what your other commitments are during school day? Are they all at school or do you have younger dcs to care for at home etc?

banannabreadforme · 10/12/2017 15:47

Could you go in your hobby room and latch the door? Tell your husband he's in charge and lock yourself away