To ask for equal undisturbed hobby time at home

[Fitbitironic]

To keep it brief, dh's interests have him out of the house for a couple of hours at the weekend (effectively taking out a morning), and at least one evening every week. Sometimes additional times, and it can be for longer.
The rationalization has always been that he would look after DC if I wanted to do something, so I can't complain. The reality is that my interest is more home based, so I'm still regularly disturbed by DC, cutting into my time and breaking concentration. It's not something I can just pick up and take elsewhere. Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
AIBU to tell him to entertain his DC (quietly) for the relevant length of time so that I have my undisturbed hobby time too?

You are not contributing to the household economy, you are making a choice to spend your time in that way and you shouldn't imagine that what you are doing is 'work' in the sense that it is of equal importance to your dh, thus giving you equal hobby time rights during family time.

metalk I'm glad someone understands what I'm trying to say . Seems the overall opinion is sahp don't do any real work so it can all be rearranged, and should therefore be available to DC 24/7, whereas the hard working paid wah partner deserves DC free time in the evening too!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Equal leasure time is a fairly decent goal, I also don’t think caring for elderly relatives is a hobby and I do think in many circumstances voluntarily work is a household contribution granted it’s a long game one but it’s still one.

I have a very long School run (4 different schools quite far apart) mostly I don’t do it myself due to the time I leave for work but I’m guessing you also don’t have the standard 10 mins walk either which would cut into available time during the school day.

I’m also assuming that in your household you have responsibility for all housework cooking and what not (you said your DH unloads the dishwasher so excluding that) and do paid work so your not on a jolly constantly.

I’m a tad unsure why anybody thinks it’s acceptable for someone to abdicate their parenting responsibilities just because a SAHM is in the picture unless of course we are going down the road of thinking that nothing counts as a contribution unless you get paid for it but in that case he should be doing someone the shit wife work as well because it’s just stuff and not a contribution.

You can choose not to do it, and choose to be paid, or you can choose to spend the time either on household jobs or your hobby. I feel for your dh and this is just about the most entitled thread I have ever read on mumsnet.

But my stance is coming from someone who works very long hours so has to outsource all the stuff you do to paid professionals and it cost me huge sums of money to do so.

Your follow up comments have confirmed my suspicion - this isn't about you wanting to do your hobby, it's about you wanting DH to spend more one to one time with the children
It really isn't. It's about wanting him to stop them disturbing me for 2 measly hours one evening a week.

sancerre you've obviously missed the part about me working, and thanks for denigrating and dismissing the role of sahp everywhere. If it's not paid, its not work, so I have no rights to equal hobby time? Haha. The reason he is able to do this particular job is because I'm around to look after the DC. I'm not going to go into the details so you'll just dismiss that too. Whatever.

You are twisting it.
When you aren't working you volunteer for one day, care for your parents for one day and spend the other three days shopping, cleaning and doing general household chores, whilst scheduling one hour lunch breaks to mimic your H. When you aren't working you can use those three days to do your hobby. When you aren't working you are being unreasonable as you are deliberately chosing to not do those things at other points, luxury others don't get. Yes I did answer the question asked.

When you are working your hobby needs to are catered for during other times, such as evenings and weekends. Which is why I made the point about time spent being relevant.

Your husbands interaction with his family is an entirely different matter and should be addressed regardless of either of your hobbies. Which is what I also said.

Pick and chose what you want to hear.

Get a grip. Your poor husband

Diddums poor hard done by bloke gets a slave to leave to do everything, because the poor bloke works.

My heart bleeds purple piss for him.

Typos, gah!

And your husband has his hobby time in the evening as he cannot do it at any other point, period, as he isn't at home. Which is the case when you are working, not when you are not.

I'm afraid that explanation seems unreasonable. You don't work full time (and yes, I'm counting household chores as work here) - you easily have 2 hours to yourself during the week (besides when you're doing your seasonal work). Asking your husband to give up more of his time so you can have more time to yourself than he does is unreasonable. Asking him to do it so that he also does his share of sole parenting is not. The outcome is the same but if I were your DH I'd be far more receptive to the latter.

I haven't missed that. I've read all of your posts. I'm not denigrating the role of sahps every where. I am saying that you, in this set of circumstances are imagining that your choices mean you should have hobby time, whatever that might be, at the weekends when you could be doing it during school hours.

You are not contributing to the household economy, you are making a choice to spend your time in that way and you shouldn't imagine that what you are doing is 'work' in the sense that it is of equal importance to your dh, thus giving you equal hobby time rights during family time

Sancer I was sure I had seen you posting on the feminism boards often quite actively unless I’m mistaken and it’s not actually you. Do you ever feel like a bit of a fraud?

*Diddums poor hard done by bloke gets a slave to leave to do everything, because the poor bloke works.

My heart bleeds purple piss for him.*

Err Im assuming the ops seasonal and charity work pays the bills then does it?!

You have the wrong sancer. Although you have been terribly kind to me before needsasock. It's not anti feminist to say this person who is posting is taking the living piss.

And your husband has his hobby time in the evening as he cannot do it at any other point, period, as he isn't at home. Which is the case when you are working, not when you are not.
I didn't think I needed to point it out, but obviously I do. Dh does not stop the DC coming in the interrupt me during this 2 hours. Whether I have been in paid work or not during the working day. AIBU to ask for this time to be undisturbed? Or am I only entitled to undisturbed time if I've contributed to the household economy that week?
And I note that looking after my DC before/after school instead of putting into childcare is not adding to the household economy, despite the fact that for the last available woh childcare would have cost more than I was paid. But still, I'm not contributing...

But you GET undisturbed time in which you can do your hobby.

You have hours of undiaturbed time though. Why do you keep pretending you don't!
Yabu , why ask if you are so sure you are not?

Sigh. At the moment. And only if I don't do something else, which I actually see as important. I don't generally laze around through the week, and I still think it benefits the wider community to commit to voluntary work.
But what about when I do have work on? Is it different then?

If you're working full time - including household work - then yes, absolutely it's different.

You have kids, sometimes they are going to disturb you when you want a bit of peace and quiet.

If you need two hours uninterrupted, and you don't want to do it in the day ( ), then surely you wait til they are in bed? It's not ideal, but family life often is all about compromises.

You sound really unreasonable. Especially that but where you tried to make it about sahp work being of no value.

Aargh, ffs.
Yes, this week I might have some unspoken for hours. But I'll prob wrap xmas presents so that we don't have to do it in the evening. So dh doesn't have to, and can relax.
As stated a number of times, even if I have paid work through the week, I still won't get that undisturbed few hours, and dh will. It seems irrelevant to him whether I have done paid or unpaid work through the day, so I don't know why it's apparently so relevant to everyone else.

This is so far off point, it's not funny.

Op, I think you sound unhappy with your life and your dh tbh. When a marriage is going well people aren't generally nit-picking who does what. When we are at our happiest, I tell him he is doing more and he tells me no I am doing more. You sound a bit spread-sheety about time off/contribution and that is not a good way to live and be in a relationship. Might be worth while to explore that rather than who gets more time off when.

but to solve your problem, why don't you simply change your routine so you do your hobby one day while the kids are at school and then when your dh is home you go off and do the food shopping.

Sancer It is a bit anti feminist but perhaps I’m just thinking the way I do because the stuff she does costs me a fortune.

If she did paid work at the same hours he does then that would occur an expense it’s fairly safe to assume childcare would be required she is enabling him to do those hours and as such making a valid contribution (I’m on around £240 per day childcare costs).

He is in essence sitting on his arse (after unloading the dishwasher) gaming on top of taking time out for his outside hobby because the op does everything else and it sounds like he rarely if never sole parents his own kids.

I’m glad I’ve been kind to you, I know you don’t know people from their posting but you get a good sense if you know what I mean, if I’ve been kind it means I admire your style,opinions and thought processes and value the stuff you post and I hope you won’t take me disagreeing with this perticular post as anything other than me mildly disagreeing with one opinion.

If you were the one working and your husband the stay at home Dad I’d imagine you’d be told to stop playing video games and parent your children, that of course he should be able to have an hour or two where you look after your own children, that you should think yourself lucky to have a man who looks after your home and your children for you, that he needs a break too, that the only reason you earn as much is because he looks after the dc before and after school, wouldn’t be surprised if you were also told you were selfish for putting yourself first by choosing to spend weekends etc doing your other hobby rather than spending time with your family, that doing that and also sneaking gaming sessions in when it’s supposed to be dhs time to unwind.

why don't you simply change your routine so you do your hobby one day while the kids are at school and then when your dh is home you go off and do the food shopping.
I appreciate your comment pallisers. It's been a constant battle for decades to make him pull his weight evenly in the house. Which is why I might sound spread sheety. The number of times he's been sat on his arse while I've been tidying up or whatever, and this is from pre DC onwards. I thought it would be easier for us all if I fit all unpaid work into the working day, but then still have him with DC free hobby hours outside this time, which I'm apparently not entitled to. Seems the only way around it is to stop giving time to the community and parents, etc (and that will prob mean no school xmas fair next year if others do the same, fewer ppl to assist children with difficulty accessing lessons, for eg)...which I feel bad about. Ah well.