To ask for equal undisturbed hobby time at home

[Fitbitironic]

To keep it brief, dh's interests have him out of the house for a couple of hours at the weekend (effectively taking out a morning), and at least one evening every week. Sometimes additional times, and it can be for longer.
The rationalization has always been that he would look after DC if I wanted to do something, so I can't complain. The reality is that my interest is more home based, so I'm still regularly disturbed by DC, cutting into my time and breaking concentration. It's not something I can just pick up and take elsewhere. Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
AIBU to tell him to entertain his DC (quietly) for the relevant length of time so that I have my undisturbed hobby time too?

X post with @blunt

Why can't you do your hobby when you're home in the day? You had a large thread recently where you say you were a SAHM with children away all day in school and were moaning about your DH and his work.

That's at least 25 hours to yourself if not more. That's way more than the few hours he gets.

Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc - do people really believe that - no wonder our children are called the 'snowflake' generation if they've never learned to entertain themselves or to respect that their parents might want to spend some time doing something that doesn't revolve around children.

How old are your children op?

Ask him op, sounds fine to me.

And to chip in to the tangent the thread has taken I think it's unhealthy to be all-focused on your kids. My mum made me the centre of her universe, and I was very uncomfortable with it.

Unless you are prepared to share how old your dc are, and also what hours you work, then it really isn't possible for any of us to answer you.

Definitely need to know the hobbies before adjudicating 😬

Sorry, just caught up.

DC are at toppish and bottom end of primary school (not wanting to be specifically identifiable, looks like someone has linked me to a previous thread already ).
Yes, as a mostly sahm (with seasonal work), you'd think I would do it regularly through the week, and sometimes do. However, I do have a day with my parents, volunteering takes the greater part of one day, food shopping another, and housework/garden and incidentals spread through the other few days. Don't bother telling me ppl who work manage it in their non work time too, because I've been there and done that - atm I generally do everything, apart from the dishwasher on a night, and prefer to do it through the day so that after school is free for playdates and activities, and evenings are for winding down, as dh does. So maybe my problem is feeling guilty having hobby time through the week while dh is working?
I have shut myself in a room before, it doesn't stop youngest coming in to talk to me or wanting to sit with me (which is never quiet!), because dh generally has his headphones on playing on the computer, and doesn't intervene. That's the annoying bit.
If I say what the hobbies are this would go off on a tangent. Suffice to say, dh has to go out for his, I have to stay home with equipment.

yellow, if you're totting up, yes, 5 hours a day in between pick ups, minus lunch/break hour (equal to dh)=4 hrs a day, take 3 days out for parents/volunteering/food shop/housework, leaves 8 hours. The ironing/School sorting/lunch making/homework etc I do on a night is maybe 2 hours a week, so I have 6 hours free which dh doesn't. You're right, I'll take those 4 hours through the week and still have 2 extra hours free which he doesn't. Problem solved, thanks.

Surely volunteering for a day is “hobby” time though?

It doesn’t sound like your really in a position to complain about lack of free time.

Volunteering isn't hobby time
However, in op's position I would feel no guilt about using the school day to do the hobby. It's the obvious solution as it means no commitment is required from dh - one of the perks of being a ftp.

I would class volunteering as less hobby and more community support, tbh.

If I spend the same amount of time on house/kids/garden/parents/community as dh does at work (which seems fair to me), then we would have the same amount of 'free times at weekends and in the evenings, which is what I aim for. The issue is that he has 4 hours + of this child free, whereas my time (if I take it in eve/weekend as dh does) is interrupted by DC. Which, if you are trying to concentrate, can be v frustrating.

I don't think you are BU, but it's a difficult one. There's something there why you feel guilty about doing it any time during the school day - why is that?

His hobby is very clearly delineated, which helps. He's clearly being U though by keeping his headphones on and not interfering with the kids when your trying to get some free time.

You can always explain to the kids as well. I tell my 5yo that parents sometimes want half an hour to do their own thing. Doesn't hurt for them to realise parents are himan too.

Could you do a different voluntary role which takes you out of the house on evenings or weekends? That way, you’d have more time in the week for your hobby.

DH sitting around playing computer games with earphones in sounds really poor though, but I imagine if the option of the dc going off to your hobby room to pester you wasn’t there, (as you’d be out volunteering), he might cut it out?

I’m not sure how food shopping takes a day? That’s highly unusual. Is there some reason it takes so long?

Sirzy. No idea why you would class volunteering as a hobby, but each to their own I guess.

Of course it’s a hobby. It’s something you choose to do with your free time. When I was finding juggling everything hard my voluntary work was the first thing to go because it was a hobby.

Unless a hobby can involve your dc in some e.g. cycling , baking it should not be done when the dc are at home and awake.
Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

I think this is such an unhealthy attitude to raising children and why some kids just cannot cope when they are not the centre of attention every second of the day. It's a good thing for children to learn to wait, that sometimes other people want some space, to learn to entertain themselves for short periods, to be bored.

OP I think you may need to think about how you spend your time when the DCs are at school. I can't imagine how a food shop can take up a day, nor housework unless you're leaving it all to do in one day, rather than as you go (I include your DH in that too).

Sorry OP but you could easily squeeze in a couple of hours of hobby time to the school day. I have a suspicion though that this is less about you wanting more time to do your hobby and more about you wanting DH to spend less time on his, or wanting him to spend more time with you or the children. It's worth making sure you're asking for the right thing before you talk to him.

Get your food shopping online and delivered then there you go a whole
Day for your hobby?

I think doing the hobby during the day is the best compromise.
Volunteering isn't a hobby, it's unpaid work. Lots of ftps do volunteering as a stepping stone back to work and also as a way of giving back to the community.

I'd class volunteering as a hobby as it's free and takes time away from paid work.

If your shopping is taking up a whole day you may need to work out why as I don't know anybody that a whole school day to food shop.

You get most of the week free of work and no children yet begrudge him his hobby or some gaming time after he's been work all week so you don't have to?

OK. Now we have the details, then yes, YABU

You have 5 days x 5 - 6 hours (most Primary schools being approx 9 - 3, even allowing time for quite a bit of travel).

You choose to spend the day with your parents - fine. No problem with that, but it is a leisure thing you have chosen. You choose to spend a day volunteering. Again, nice to be community minded, but again, something you presumably enjoy doing (as do many of us who volunteer). I've never heard of anyone who is at home all day "having an hour for a lunch break" . Surely you could do your hobby then ? 10mins to make a sandwich / warm some soup / boil an egg, and that leaves you 50mins every day to do hobby..... or, if it is something that needs a 2 hour run, then you can save all the 50mins from each other day.

As for someone who takes a whole day to do a food shop - I don't know where to begin . That's hilarious.

You could also take 4 hours of the 25hours to do your hobby in peace and then get on with some of the housework when the dc are there and it doesn't matter if you are interupted.

Yup. YABVU and having a laugh.

I dunno, I don’t think it’s unreasonabke for him to parent his children a few hours a week in his own. I don’t think OP is unreasonable to be a bit annoyed that he said he will parent his children while she has a few hours and then starts gaming.

Gaming is a hobby too, it’s not unreasonable to think he should be interacting with his children instead of gaming, esp as he is already out of the home regulars to do his other hobby.

I love gaming, but there’s a time and a place and if it’s something he wants regular time to do then maybe he will need to reduce his other hobby? I dunno, I kind of think if OP was working full time and mentioned she plays video games when she’s meant to be looking after her children, that the video gaming hobby is on top of another hobby that’s takes her out of the home, she’d be told she needs to spend some time with her dc, not that her dh should suck it up and find time to relax and unwind during the day so she can do both hobbys.

YABU because you could do the hobby / have leisure time while the DC are at school but choose not to do so.