To tell my child that Father Christmas is not real?

[Purplelipgloss]

I have a newborn baby so I'm thinking ahead here and it is a conversation that DH and I have briefly touched upon in the past.

He thinks that we should tell DS because it's wrong to lie and parents should certainly not lie to their children - could cause trust issues etc.

I however, am a bit more of the opinion that we should play the Santas real game, he'll get over it. I think that the enjoyment in the belief you have as a child by far outweighs being honest here.

Just wondered what everyone else thought and if there were any stories that would help us make a final decision.

"Don't lie to your kids"? Oh okay I'll let dd know in the morning that the other night dh wasn't "tickling" Mummy and we were in fact having sex. That won't mortify my 9yo!
It's fun and magical. Most of us love the effort dm and df went to to make it magical. Dds have asked for surprises as Father Christmas is so good at giving the perfect gifts. They get soooo excited. Dd3 also thinks Mickey Mouse is real. She sat on my shoulders at Disney land and when Mickey went past her little heart beat was pounding as she announced she loved him.
There's so much shit in the world, don't take away the nice bits

Actually I don't think there's anything wrong with the occasional lie. Sometimes it's actually better than the truth. If everyone on this post complaining about "lying" is claiming they've NEVER told a lie in their life I'm calling bullshit.

This thread shows exactly the wide variety of views and experiences on it.

I don't like being lied to. I have played down santa, but fortunately neither ds has outright asked if he is real.

I love the Father christmas story. My children believe, except for eldest who stopped believing last year.
However, I hate lying. My family think I am crazy, but on each childs first xmas I say to them 'santa is not real, but I an going to let you believe, yes you are too young to understand what I am saying and will not remember. This is your problem. I told you the truth before I told you the lie'
Yes, that is crazy, but some how it made me feel better about lying to them for the foreseeable future.

Just tell them santa is make believe. But we all like to pretend he's real.
Most of a child's young life is made up of make believe and imaginative play.
This way you're not taking away any of the magic and you're being truthful.

I haven't faced this with my own yet, but I think this is how I will approach it.
As a nanny I've seen my fair share of upset children arguing with school friends over if santa is real or not, even falling out with best friends because one has an older sibling who's told them the truth or something then being disappointed when they realise all the adults have been lying.
Some kids take it well, others find it more difficult.
I hate being put in that position, when a child demands I tell their friends santa IS real. Isn't he?
It's happened several times.
I tend to reply with "I'm not sure, because he doesn't visit grown ups, but I definitely love to pretend he is, so I don't mind if he is real or not!"
So far that's worked. And if it doesn't I direct the child to Mum and Dad. They started it! 😆

I think most kids don't really believe the story anyway, perhaps only until they're four or five at absolute most. If they think about it they realise it's a lot of impossible bollocks but it's a game and they enjoy playing along.

Like most threads about parenting on here, I always end up thinking it’s different in every family and there is no right or wrong. I neither cherish nor resent the Santa lies my parents told me. I think, by some standards, they were pretty half assed about it and I think that’s why I feel quite neutral. I think we’ll neither confirm nor deny to dc until they actually ask me outright, when I’ll probably say what my mum did when I asked; “what do you think”?

Our 5 yo knows It’s not real. He’s unbelievably excited about Christmas and has never said anything to other children. My DH was adamant that we don’t do the whole charade as that’s how he was brought up and never felt any ill effects. I remember being upset when I found out as my parents had worked so hard to convince me when I had doubts and felt manipulated by the “he’s watching you”. My sister was upset at the idea of a stranger coming into the house. So in balance we decided that as long as he had lots of fun and excitement we didn’t need to try to convince him about Santa.

As others have done we told our son about the story, which is lovely and said that there’s still presents. He writes a list but knows it’s family and friends that get them. We do the tree, advent calendar, carols and everything. He thinks Santa is fun.

I get quite upset sometimes at hearing parents say “my child has doubts, how do I make them believe so we can continue the magic” I mean for older kids. It’s like denying their ability for critical thinking. There’s so many lovely things in the world and it’s nice for children to see people around them be kind, rather than have wishes granted by a magical being. I don’t see the need for it, but respect others rights to do so, therefore have made sure to tell my child that some people believe so we shouldn’t tell them he isn’t real.

Pretending Santa is real does not cause trust issues! Where did your husband get this idea from?
I think it's stealing the magic of Christmas a bit to not go along with it.

I would really wonder about parents who brought their kids up with 'there is no santa'. I'd think they were complete weirdos - like the parents of kids when I was growing up who wouldn't let them watch ITV!

Honestly, there's no need to be rude to the OP. Part of looking forward to having a child, for some people, is talking and thinking about how they will bring the child up, including beliefs, ethics, traditions that they want to pass on, adapt or ditch. I'm sure children who grow up without thinking Father Christmas is real also have plenty of fun.

It's the OPs husband that came out with this gem! I wonder what else he is deciding for the child?

I can imagine some of you telling toddlers, "no you are not a cat/spiderman/peppa pig, don't be silly" and congratulating yourselves on not supporting lies!
it's collective imagination, that's all.

"Santa" St Nicholas was indeed a real person...
Some magic mixed up with some truth won't hurt your child.

Santa has just been radiocarbon-dated. Now that's a piece of info to spoil anybody's Christmas magic.

I tell my dc that it's great that we still remember st nic and babt jesus etc. and how stories evolve over time.

I can imagine some of you telling toddlers, "no you are not a cat/spiderman/peppa pig, don't be silly" and congratulating yourselves on not supporting lies!
it's collective imagination, that's all.

I see that as completely different. It’s child led for a start. No child is born knowing about santa!

This is something I stumbled across ages ago and thought it's quite brilliant:
www.google.co.uk/amp/www.upworthy.com/amp/theres-a-brilliant-heartfelt-way-to-tell-your-kids-the-truth-about-santa-take-notes

Is he going to suck the joy and magic out of everything in your child's life or will he be happy playing the grinch once a year? Give him one of these to stick in his mouth everytime he plays on the moral high ground to screw up with your child's fun growing up. [santa]

I see that as completely different. It’s child led for a start. No child is born knowing about santa!

They pick it up very young though. My toddler said Santa to me long before I said it to her, that is child led. So no different at all.

You can do the whole stocking thing/leaving mince pies out but tbh if my dd asks me outright I will prob ask her what she thinks and then tell her the truth.

I remember when I realised Santa wasn't real, I was about 5 or 6 and the carrot we left out for the reindeer was cut with a knife not bitten like the reindeers we had seen at the Christmas market. I asked my mum and she confirmed my suspicions and said play along for my siblings. I felt very clever at having worked it out . I think if my mum had lied at that point it probably would have confused me and made me question my parents truthfulness.

We stopped doing stockings when my youngest sibling worked it out. Christmas has still always been fun.

Presents under the tree were never from Santa

ha! We lived in a fairly Muslim neighbourhood & just never go around to telling DC the Santa myth. So we move to an all-white area & suddenly DC come home from nursery/school telling ME about FC. I tell them it's make-believe. DC decide I'm lying!! They continue to fervently believe for yrs. I shrug this off.

I get quite upset sometimes at hearing parents say “my child has doubts, how do I make them believe so we can continue the magic” I mean for older kids. It’s like denying their ability for critical thinking

Arf! You couldn't get a more critical logical thinker than my DD even at very young age - due to her love of the natural world she was questioning how god ( religious school) could make the world in 7 days and went through extremely logically why he couldn't and has in fact countered every religious claim she is "taught" with critical thinking and reason. She has done this to everything except FC. They want to believe, there is a magic in believing you can see that sleigh across the sky, my dd i dont think does believe any more but she hasn't out right said this just given a secret smile when I mentioned him.

If she asked me now I would tell her the truth but when she was younger I was vague, no one really knows, we dont know how it happens...but at 10 she is ready.

I remember after catching dm out filling my stocking that I still forced myself to believe it was FC in years after.
As for working hard for xmas....99.9% of us do.

Many of us are very happy to enjoy and reap our rewards on our dc faces without having to show them receipts and rub it in just how hard we work for them my Reward was seeing DD face when she opened a gift that I had told her was nigh impossible to get and only he could get it. She will have a life time of knowing precisely where her gifts came from does it really matter at such a young age.

My DD treasure all the the things they get I have brought them up not to value things in what they cost but their actual value?

" Some people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing" so receiving an x box wouldn't be different to receiving a board game. When they are much older and want expensive things then is the time to start to teach other stuff but to me, I wouldnt do this to 4,5,6,7,,8,9 year old.

Also there are 365 days in a year. I use the other 364 for teaching about value, expense, not xmas day, that is a day for FUN.

I also think you have a great many other far more important issues to be talking about other than FC with your child

Personally, I think it's much more sad to deny children this magic. There's a difference between literal and figurative truth. Santa is an imaginative figure who teaches us that there is generosity, love and magic in this world. It's a lovely thought and one that I want to pass on to my children.