To tell my child that Father Christmas is not real?

[Purplelipgloss]

I have a newborn baby so I'm thinking ahead here and it is a conversation that DH and I have briefly touched upon in the past.

He thinks that we should tell DS because it's wrong to lie and parents should certainly not lie to their children - could cause trust issues etc.

I however, am a bit more of the opinion that we should play the Santas real game, he'll get over it. I think that the enjoyment in the belief you have as a child by far outweighs being honest here.

Just wondered what everyone else thought and if there were any stories that would help us make a final decision.

None will. Not one

I beg to differ. I was/am that child.

We didn't have the Easter bunny when I was a child.

When I discovered my parents had lied about lying I spent many years in therapy.

We don’t do santa. It’s not so much telling dd isn’t real as much as letting her make her own mind up rather than us pushing it on her. She’s never bothered believing but knows others do.

The Mickey Mouse comment on the first page - society doesn’t tend to pretend that’s real. It’s not a good comparator.

Stories are brilliant. Pushing something unreal as truth on a child is quite cruel in my opinion.

What about other people children......

What about them?!

If you end up with "trust issues" because your parents let you think Santa was real and then there must be something else going on in the relationships, not just Santa.

You’ll be doing yourself out of up to 10 years of being able to say ‘you’d better behave as santa know when you are naughty and won’t bring you any presents’ I drag that out from October onwards and it works like a charm, even have a fingerprint scanner app on my phone for the kids to scan and see what list they are on!!!

I feel sad for you.

If you end up with "trust issues" because your parents let you think Santa was real and then there must be something else going on in the relationships, not just Santa.

DH and I both (separately) hated being forced to continue pretending for YEARS to benefit younger children.

Consider that your child might be confused when they head off to school and think Father Christmas is going to see the other children and not them... they may find it hard to differentiate at that age what you have told them and what peers tell them or they may tell other children who do believe.

Have a think about how much you loved Christmas growing up, do you remember the magic feeling it brings. Maybe you could consider a less OTT version of Christmas .. thinking one lovely gift off Santa and the rest from you. No elf on the shelf or visits to a fake Santa.

Mine visits santa with my parents but just goes along with it for fun. She doesn’t need to believe in it to enjoy it (just as many churchgoers like to hear choirs singing even though they don’t believe in god).

You don’t have to be without santa - you just don’t pretend it’s real!

My older kids no longer believe but they still love the idea of santa because that's where the magic is. They have a choice to make Christmas magical or not. They chose the magic. I love that.

There is nothing wrong with adding some magic once a year to a small child's life. you only have to look at the wonder and excitement on their little faces to know It isn't a bad thing.

Don't take that away. There isn't much of it left in the world these days sadly.

My kids were really impressed with me when they found out that I had been the one doing it all along. The fact I'd been sneaking around doing lovely Christmas surprises, egg hunts and coins under pillows and not taking the credit was not lost on them. They also conveniently forgot the times the tooth fairy was a day or two late.
No trust issues here.

Not wanting to "lie" to your kids and keep the utterly gorgeous, innocent, magical, exciting joy about Santa/Christmas alive for a few years longer makes you sound like a dull, stick in the mud, anal, sad scrooge, Bar hambug.

It IS a lie. You KNOW it’s a lie.

Nature is magical.

Winter is magical.

Spending time together and having fun is so magical we don’t need to pretend some fat bloke in a red suit breaks into our house!

I would do everything to stop my kids hanging out with your kids because I love the magic of Christmas, love the whole stars in their eyes, and will protect it to the extreme to have it for as long as possible.

And we are expats in a very culturally mixed place. The kids know we have different celebrations. It doesn't make ours any less valid because our neighbour celebrates differently.

I brought up my DC not to believe in a literal santa. I think they actually had a more magical experience of the season and got more from it without the trauma of finding out they had been lied to for several years. We did everything any other child who did believe in a literal santa did.

Its a lovely time of year, lots of mystery and surprise, there is no need to spoil it with lies.

There is nothing wrong with adding some magic once a year to a small child's life. you only have to look at the wonder and excitement on their little faces to know It isn't a bad thing.

I get that look regularly. Every time the ISS flies over, every time we get on a plane, when I take a cake out of the oven, when the leaves change colour or caterpillars change into butterflies.

I must be sure we lucky if you lot have to create that once a year and I get it all the time.

I don't think you should lie when your kids are old enough to ask you straight whether santa is real. But a bit of pretend up to then does no harm. Or just a mystery 'I wonder where those presents came from?? Take your cues from your child. '

I would do everything to stop my kids hanging out with your kids because I love the magic of Christmas, love the whole stars in their eyes, and will protect it to the extreme to have it for as long as possible.

Ah. You’ve got that goodwill to all men down to a fine art.

My DD thinks xmas is magical without needing santa. She doesn’t ruin anything for anyone else. 🙄

There is nothing remotely "magical" about looking into an enquiring 5 year old's face and blatantly lying. It's an insult to their intelligence and reasoning capacity. If they ask for the truth they should be given it.

It's perfectly OK to have Santa as a fun Christmas story that everyone plays. Children have amazing imaginations - being told that something is a fact when it isn't is irresponsible.

And the Santazillas who show up year after year complaining because their precious pumpkin has been told the truth by a child whose parents aren't liars can fuck off.

Me me me. That's what your OH is saying. He doesn't want to lie. He thinks it could cause trust issues ffs. He's being very selfish. The joy that the Father Christmas story gives to children is unmeasurable. Why would you deny a child that?

I would do everything to stop my kids hanging out with your kids because I love the magic of Christmas, love the whole stars in their eyes, and will protect it to the extreme to have it for as long as possible.

^Selfish. It's all about you.

Why is your dh so fixated with taking the wonder and magic out of Christmas.
Children need that sense of wonder belief innocence and enchantment for as long as possible.

Children need that sense of wonder belief innocence and enchantment for as long as possible

Doesn’t have to come from a belief in santa.

And in this case innocence actually means gullible and unthinking.

what is this immense joy that is incurred by believing presents are delivered by a random person, rather than given by people who love you?

I just do not get it.

Both ninjago and my little ponies are currently filling my DD with joy...entirely without anyone pretending they are actually real....

titty well quite...if the only way you can see joy on your kids faces is by lying to them you a very seriously doing parenting wrong.