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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my child that Father Christmas is not real?

208 replies

Purplelipgloss · 07/12/2017 00:11

I have a newborn baby so I'm thinking ahead here and it is a conversation that DH and I have briefly touched upon in the past.

He thinks that we should tell DS because it's wrong to lie and parents should certainly not lie to their children - could cause trust issues etc.

I however, am a bit more of the opinion that we should play the Santas real game, he'll get over it. I think that the enjoyment in the belief you have as a child by far outweighs being honest here.

Just wondered what everyone else thought and if there were any stories that would help us make a final decision.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 07/12/2017 15:34

I've never heard of kids having trust issues over Santa? :/

ProudAS · 07/12/2017 15:38

I was mortified when I found out - not because Santa wasn't real but because I'd been lied to. I think I'm in the minority though.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/12/2017 15:41

If your child goes to nursery or playgroup that decision will be taken out of your hands anyway, sorry! I was tying myself in knots about whether to tell DD and she came home from nursery knowing all about Santa. She's 11 now. Last year she asked me outright and I told her the truth. This year I'm including her in all the little secrets that make Christmas magical. It's all good. But we never went Santa OTT anyway - no santa cam or talc footprints!

danTDM · 07/12/2017 15:42

So your child will miss out on...
the tooth fairy
the easter bunny
father christmas?

FUN childhood

Seriously? I told DD (9) as long as she believes he will come. When she stops he won't, which happens to everyone when they get older.
She said 'yes mama, for example adults believe in God and I don't'

The idea of God and FC are both pretty far fetched if you ask me.

Let her believe.

Pickleypickles · 07/12/2017 15:45

I think people who tell there kids santa isnt real from the word go are mean joy suckers. I dont know one person IRL that has a bad memory of believing in father christmas or "trust issues" as a direct result.

Fekko · 07/12/2017 15:45

Sorry but your husband is being an idiot. Trust ishoos my backside.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 07/12/2017 15:47

So when your LO asks where babies come from and how they are made, will it be your DH or you that has the penis/vanina/sex/sperm conversation with the 4 year old? Hmm

UrsulaPandress · 07/12/2017 15:48

Joy sucking gobshite is absolutely the correct response to this idiocy.

AJPTaylor · 07/12/2017 18:15

My parents did not "do" father christmas or stockings. We did have lovely christmases but all of mine loved the magic of Santa.

hedlesschicken · 07/12/2017 18:33

I wonder if it would help to share this conversation with your husband....

DONT GET RID OF THE BIG MAN!!!

cosmonautkitten · 07/12/2017 19:24

My mother was of the opinion that it was wrong to tell the Father Christmas lie - with my older brother! When they had me, I had plenty of shopping centre Santa visits and all my presents had the gift tags reading from Father Christmas Grin

I would keep up the fiction, OP. My mother regrets the way she handled it with my brother, and says it took away some of the magic of Christmas, both for him and all the adults associated with him.

Originalfoogirl · 07/12/2017 19:30

"What do you think?" was our standard response to child questions.. That’s what we do. It works really well.

But I am laughing heartily that the OPs OH thinks “Santa” is the only thing we lie to our kids about. 😂

meala · 07/12/2017 19:36

I agree with your DH. Why can't Christmas be magical and exciting without being based on ensuring kids believe in something that isn't true.
My DC have never believed in santa and love Christmas.
What about children who are poor and receive very little for Christmas. Is it not just increasing their misery by believing that they are bad and that's why santa didn't bring them anything nice?

upperlimit · 07/12/2017 19:39

Oh come on. Santa is necessary.

Learning that Santa isn't real is the first important step to learning that not everything is as is seems and to be on the lookout for fake news.

Sunnyjac · 07/12/2017 19:40

How much have we all been affected by believing in Father Christmas? What trust issues are we left with? In my case the answer to both is none. It’s nothing, harmless fun and kids enjoy it

Sunnyjac · 07/12/2017 19:44

meala Is it not just increasing their misery by believing that they are bad and that's why santa didn't bring them anything nice? That’s nothing to do with believing in Father Christmas and everything to do with how adults sell it to them

Strokethefurrywall · 07/12/2017 19:44

Trust issues 😂 For fuck sake, what a joy sucking gobshite

Hahaha, exactly this. Bloody hell, I lie to my kids all the time!! Pretty sure they won't be scarred for life!

upperlimit · 07/12/2017 19:44

Honestly? I was a bit put out. There was about a heartbeat between realising that Santa wasn't real and deciding that God wasn't real either. Then I decided that reindeers were also not real, which took some persuasion to the contrary. Grin

But no trust issues. Grin

ByThePowerOfRa · 07/12/2017 19:47

I’m in the ‘not saying he’s real but not saying he isn’t’ camp. I think some parents, (usually it’s the parents rather than the dcs who get a kick out of it), place too much importance on the ‘magic’ of Christmas tbh and get carried away into elaborate lie territory. I don’t think it’s damaging, I just think it’s overkill to go so out of your way to convince your dc that an untruth is truth.

meala · 07/12/2017 19:56

Sunnyjac. So how do you sell Santa to the kid getting nothing through no fault of their own when classmates are overloaded with gifts?

BitchQueen90 · 07/12/2017 20:04

How many adults do you know that are in therapy because their parents lied to them about Santa? 🙄

People need to get a grip to be honest.

We do Santa at my house but DS knows that the presents do not come from him but from family members. Santa just delivers them.

Fekko · 07/12/2017 20:11

Let's all just take a deep breath and remember how some parents are complete jackasses with their PFBs. 😏

My child...
Will never eat fast food
Never rat processed sugar
Only wear organic cotton
Never wear pink/blue
Will only eat organic food
Will be brought up gender free
Will sleep through the night at 3 months
Will never watch tv
Etc etc etc

YellowMakesMeSmile · 07/12/2017 20:11

We told ours that Santa wasn't real but like a fairy tale, a nice story for the season. Whilst we talked of Santa, they knew he wasn't real.

Upto other parents if they lie to their children but like your DH we didn't want too. We never did the Easter bunny so it didn't matter there.

rcit · 07/12/2017 20:11

I should think that 99% of us thought he was real when we were at infants school. I don’t know anyone scarred by the experience. It’s fun for little kids. People will generally think you are a weirdo if you don’t do F.C.

Sunnyjac · 07/12/2017 20:12

That I was very sorry that it had worked out like that and encourage mine to share. It’s no reason to not have Santa in your own house if you want. He only brings the stockings here. I can’t change someone else’s household, I can only encourage my kids to be kind and empathic