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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wasn't invited to staff outing

235 replies

Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:46

So in September I joined an organisation/charity committee as secretary. There is a mix of paid and voluntary workers, I am voluntary.
I have worked really hard since joining, taking alot of work off paid workers bit I don't mind as it's a cause I care about.
I was with a few members yesterday helping out and nothing was said about the fact their Xmas Social was that evening, maybe because we were working?
I just saw loads of pics of them all there, on Facebook. It seems everyone was there but me and it really stings. I thought/think they like me...but maybe not. Or maybe they forgot me, but is this likely given how much I have done lately and have been around.
DH says just quit and forget it, bit I have links to the charity and I enjoy it. I just feel such an outcast... I'm either not worth remembering or I'm hated, aren't I?!

OP posts:
2cats2many · 01/12/2017 16:50

That's pretty shit of them. My feelings would be hurt too.

vitaminC · 01/12/2017 16:50

If, as you say, you are taking work off paid staff, maybe they see you as a threat to their job security?
Is there anyone you get on well enough with to ask them straight out why you weren't included?

RatherBeRiding · 01/12/2017 16:51

It's quite possible that, because you're relatively new, you are not on the group email list or something. Our Christmas works do email went out in September, although admittedly there have been a couple of reminders since.

Just ask! I really can't see how they would deliberately snub you - most likely an oversight but you won't know if you don't ask.

Original poster
Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:53

I only take what they personally give me off their workload as they have so much to do. I don't even tell others I have done it unless they are happy with that as I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone. It's very much the type of team that help each other out though.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 01/12/2017 16:54

How many staff are there, and how often are you in the office/place of work? Are you secretary of the charity (i.e. a fairly senior role) or do you mean admin/junior role? It's poss. that the senior volunteers weren't invited, which is still pretty shit of them - it should be your choice to decline (or not).

Is there anyone you can ask out straight? It's something that should definitely be cleared up, because it might also be highlighting a problem in their internal comms anyway.

Original poster
Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:55

RatherBeRiding, I really hope that's the case. I don't have much confidence right now and this has really upset me more than it should.

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 01/12/2017 16:55

Did you join early or late September and any chance it could it already have been booked when you joined in September?

Has everyone else been there ages?

Were all the other voluntary staff there?

It's not nice, OP. I would ask them if there was any reason why you weren't invited.

laurzj82 · 01/12/2017 16:56

I would ask. I bet it wasn't on purpose. I have worked places where it has been booked before September

TeenTimesTwo · 01/12/2017 16:56

It was most likely an oversight.

They are probably wondering why you didn't turn up ...

Original poster
Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:57

I'm there 3-4 times a week, there are about 20 of us. Everyone of all levels etc were there (except me of course)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:58

I can't ask them. I'm too embarrassed.

OP posts:
Nicolamarlow1 · 01/12/2017 17:01

Most probably an oversight. People who work for charities are not usually (or at least shouldn't be) unkind types. Have they got your correct email address, and was this arranged before you joined? Many places get booked up very early and Christmas functions can be arranged way in advance. But I should find out if I were you, you may feel better about it if you know that it wasn't meant t to be deliberately hurtful. I would have been hurt too.

PerditaSinjorino · 01/12/2017 17:02

Maybe comment on the FB photo's... just something innocent like "looks like you all had a fab night guys!". See if anyone reacts or comments - either on FB or when they see you in person.

If it was an oversight it won't be long before someone apologises profusely for forgetting to invite you. If everyone ignores your comment and says nothing, especially when they see you in person, I'd be inclined to think it was deliberate. In which case, I'd leave and not bother doing any more unpaid work for them,

RatherBeRiding · 01/12/2017 17:02

Do you get on well with them otherwise? Is there one of them you can ask quietly? I really wouldn't let it go, embarrassed or not, because until you find out it was an innocent oversight it will eat away at you.

And there's nothing for YOU to be embarrassed about anyway - either they've made an admin error (their embarrassment) or they are just a cliquey lot of meanies (their embarrassment too when you ask why you weren't told about the Christmas social).

Also remember - this is a Christmas "works" do. It is for everyone who works there in whatever capacity. It's not invite only - you are entitled to go. Someone has cocked up.

ShowMeTheElf · 01/12/2017 17:03

Are you the only volunteer? Was it the Christmas do for paid staff? Even so it's a bit thoughtless.

RainbowWish · 01/12/2017 17:04

That is so very mean of them!
Just be careful they are not treating you as a "friend" just so you will keep helping them with their work loads.
I would still volunteer but not be as ready to drop what I am doing straight away to help them
I hope in time you will feel less hurt Flowers

MikeUniformMike · 01/12/2017 17:06

Years ago, when I were a lass, the boy next door same age as me had his eighteenth birthday party at a local hotel. I didn't get an invitation. My mother forced me to go.

Boy's mother apologised profusely that she had forgotten to invite me. I was so embarrassed. Maybe she had deliberately not invited me.

I was invited to his wedding 10 years later to a very nice young woman. They are stll together, now their smashing DCs, and I'm still friends with them.

They forgot OP.
If I were you I'd put on a brave face. If nobody apologises then they are scumbags.

AlansLeftMoob · 01/12/2017 17:08

I'd also comment on the FB photos and say "Looked like a lot of fun, see you tomorrow" or whenever. I'm so sorry you feel hurt, I'm no good with stuff like this so I know it stings.

grannytomine · 01/12/2017 17:11

I was working in a temporary role and there was a big celebration. I didn't get an invite. The boss came in the Monday after the event and asked why I wasn't there. He was annoyed and said, "Who sent the invites out?" Well that was me but I wasn't on the list and wasn't going to add myself. I don't know who felt the bigger fool him or me.

I think they forgot, I know how you feel but don't let it spoil things.

Pinkpowerofthought · 01/12/2017 17:13

I don't think there is a logical excuse. If it was happening that night someone would have asked if you were going or would be talking about it. You weren't invited.
They are either a formed clique and you aren't considered part of it or they just see you as a volunteer.
I've been in your boat and it bloody hurts to be delibratly excluded, especially when you wouldn't treat someone like that yourself.

Bunch of dicks.

pinkdelight · 01/12/2017 17:13

I do think it must be timing. You've only been there a couple of months so easy to imagine an oversight. Still hard though.

MrsJayy · 01/12/2017 17:13

Was it volunteer as well as? Tbh i would be mighty pissed off if it was volunteers and i was excluded I would comment on how was their night and pull back your duties and days you don't need to be doing their work as a volunteer they might be expecting and not appreciating

Draylon · 01/12/2017 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WipsGlitter · 01/12/2017 17:17

Was it a staff night out? Were other volunteers invited?

scotchpie · 01/12/2017 17:17

I would be really upset too OP especially when you was the only person (paid or voluntary) left out.
And starting in September is a load of crap as an excuse, either way they forgot or didn't want you there.

If the later, I'm sorry but I couldn't be part of offering my free time to anyone whether I liked it or not. Gang of shits either way!