Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wasn't invited to staff outing

235 replies

Dottie39 · 01/12/2017 16:46

So in September I joined an organisation/charity committee as secretary. There is a mix of paid and voluntary workers, I am voluntary.
I have worked really hard since joining, taking alot of work off paid workers bit I don't mind as it's a cause I care about.
I was with a few members yesterday helping out and nothing was said about the fact their Xmas Social was that evening, maybe because we were working?
I just saw loads of pics of them all there, on Facebook. It seems everyone was there but me and it really stings. I thought/think they like me...but maybe not. Or maybe they forgot me, but is this likely given how much I have done lately and have been around.
DH says just quit and forget it, bit I have links to the charity and I enjoy it. I just feel such an outcast... I'm either not worth remembering or I'm hated, aren't I?!

OP posts:
ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs · 05/12/2017 19:20

It wouldn't occur to my team to invite our 'volunteer' as we only have him as a favour to his Mother who works elsewhere in the building and he is notoriously shit and unreliable and not considered part of the team at all. We did buy him a relatively expensive Christmas present though (which I don't think was necessary nor deserved).

But if everyone else was there apart from you, including other volunteers - I think you have to ask why.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 19:52

Feral - yes I'm pretty sure all of the volunteers were there except the OP

Unless you are one of them how could you know anything about that?

RiseToday · 05/12/2017 19:55

Er, because the OP confirmed at the beginning of the thread that all of the other volunteers were there.....

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 20:17

No she didn't. She said she thought. But you're more sure than she is (as well as more invested!)

Original poster
Dottie39 · 05/12/2017 20:32

@RiseToday the other volunteers were there. There was a group pic on Facebook and everyone was there.

OP posts:
ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs · 05/12/2017 20:41

Cheerios - OP said quite a few posts back that in the photos, all other volunteers were there.

RiseToday · 05/12/2017 20:47

Ha, maybe I am more invested, I just hate seeing people being treated like crap which is what appears to be going on here.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 20:47

She said she thinks, maybe, probably etc. But you seem to know all the details.

Anyway, why don't you just ask someone OP? What's all the childish pretending not to know and playing guessing games? Why not just grow up and say "Hey manager, was there an Xmas party the other night? Any particular reason I wasn't invited?"

But I guess then you can't have hundreds of poor you hun messages if you just did that, right?

RiseToday · 05/12/2017 21:02

She has not said 'maybe/probably' - she has clearly stated several times that everyone was there but her!

Original poster
Dottie39 · 05/12/2017 21:03

"She said she thinks, maybe, probably etc. But you seem to know all the details. "
No she just ready the thread properly, I have said a few times the other volunteers were there.

Anyway, why don't you just ask someone OP? What's all the childish pretending not to know and playing guessing games? Why not just grow up and say "Hey manager, was there an Xmas party the other night? Any particular reason I wasn't invited?"

Well, I have only actually seen one other member of staff who said they had a good time, but seemed reluctant to talk further and I'm not going to make her uncomfortable. I will perhaps speak to my manager when I see her.

But I guess then you can't have hundreds of poor you hun messages if you just did that, right?
Yeah right! I get my kicks coming on here and looking for poor me messages rather than real advice. ...

Btw, I defended you on another thread today when everyone said you were unnecessarily provocative and judgemental, I see what everyone else saw now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dottie39 · 05/12/2017 21:04

Sorry reading that last post I didn't use bold/quotation marks. It probably makes no sense!

OP posts:
CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 21:06

I was right on that thread, and I'm right on this. Be an adult and just ask, or get over it.

myrtleWilson · 05/12/2017 21:08

Well Dottie now apparently our ever right overlord has spoken - you know what to do and don't dare darken MN door until you've done as you've been told Wink

Original poster
Dottie39 · 05/12/2017 21:08

It must be great being so right all the time.

Perhaps when I go in I will ask. It's not.aboit being an adult. I have only seen one person and she is absolutely lovely so I am not going to do anything to upset her or make her uncomfortable - because that is how real adults behave in the real world.

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 05/12/2017 21:11

CheeriosEverywhere - you are being really horrid. Why don't you give the OP a break.

Bratsandtwats · 05/12/2017 21:16

Sounds like your boss is a Mumsnetter too Dottie.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 05/12/2017 21:19

Dottie, I often find our instincts are pretty right on most of the time, so if deep down you feel you were snubbed, then you probably were. But PLEASE don't take it personally!! I have worked in charities (five different ones) for over twenty years and I WISH it were true that only kind, gentle, harp-playing and flower-crown wearing folk worked there. If only!!

If this had happened to me, I would think it was deliberate. But I would also feel the problem lies with THEM - envy, spite, who knows. You come across as absolutely lovely - your volunteer coordinator needs to step up big time!!!

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 21:33

How is it horrid to advocate open communication and professional behaviour?

JaneEyre70 · 05/12/2017 21:36

Having read your OP, my only suggestion would be to stop doing work that other people are being paid for. You may inadvertently being crossing over a line with it, and it has perhaps caused a bit of offence to some? If you are happy to stay there, I'd not mention it again and just do what your voluntary role entails with good grace and humour.

I think it's pretty shit to have posted it on FB and would take it very personally, so being able to deal with it so well says far more about you than it does them Flowers.

Motherbear26 · 05/12/2017 21:40

I’m going a bit against the grain here but the reaction of your colleague and the excessive niceness of your manager makes me think that it was an oversight. Your manager seems to be trying to reinforce to you how valued you are without mentioning the night out because she is probably mortified about what happened. Of course she should just apologise but she is probably struggling to broach the subject in the most thoughtful manner just as you are.

I would perhaps keep an eye on things but since you are happy in your role and your colleagues seem to be trying to make amends I would give them the benefit of the doubt for now. Most adults (not all, admittedly!) are far too polite to exclude anyone deliberately and if they did they certainly wouldn’t advertise the fact all over fb. I’m sure it was accidental. Thoughtless and wrong but certainly not deliberate.

Nazdarovye · 05/12/2017 21:45

So far 9 pages of crap about analysing why your twat colleagues left you out. There's no need to write and read so many pages of hypotheses and excuses about it when it can be answered with one simple sentence: because they are fucking shit human beings.

Viviennemary · 05/12/2017 22:09

I was on the beginning of this thread but not much since. OP said other volunteers were invited. Who knows why she wasn't invited. I said I thought it was an oversight. Possible reasons

  1. They're a horrible lot and love being mean at Christmas
  2. They don't like OP
  3. They hate volunteers because they take people's jobs
  4. It was an oversight
  5. Other

I think 4 is the most likely. But we can't read their minds. People don't normally get left out of the Christmas Do. Unless it's only a select few going. I'd say unusual to leave one person out deliberately.

Oblomov17 · 05/12/2017 22:12

No. This is very very hurtful. I'm so sorry.

AnonEvent · 05/12/2017 22:19
  1. Other - could be, initially an oversight, then they realised but were too lazy/callous to fix it.
smeerf · 05/12/2017 22:22

I would say to your manager:

"Can I ask something sensitive? Is there a particular reason that I wasn't invited to the Christmas party? I am concerned that by doing some work that is usually done by the paid staff, I've stepped on some toes which has resulted in me being excluded."

I think that's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask and it's something that's relevant to you performing your job.