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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party guest showed up early...

465 replies

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:32

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
wineandcheeseplease · 01/12/2017 08:34

Yanbu. They dont sound like nice friends

RaeSkywalker · 01/12/2017 08:35

YANBU!

overmydeadbody · 01/12/2017 08:36

Why did she come early? Did she explain

In this weather I would have let them in and asked them to wait downstairs while I showed, maybe even got her to watch my little one as well.

ShatnersWig · 01/12/2017 08:36

No. They are idiots. Their baby being ill is their responsibility and not yours. If they don't want to risk him being out in the cold for long, the sensible thing to do is.... turn up on time.

I value punctuality and I don't like to be late for things but similarly, I would never turn up half an hour early for something. That's just inconsiderate.

I had a 40th birthday party a few years ago and the invites said "from 7.30 onwards". I was still setting up when the doorbell rang at 7.00....

overmydeadbody · 01/12/2017 08:36

But I don't think what you did was wrong.

Sensimilla · 01/12/2017 08:37

They are nuts. I wouldn't invite either of them anywhere ever again

Marriedwithchildren5 · 01/12/2017 08:38

She's super stupid as is her husband. I'm sure it wouldn't have been a problem opening the door to her in your towel, however, you've more than apologised. Please don't apologise again! Don't invite her to your parties in the future!

RestingBitchFaced · 01/12/2017 08:38

They are being ridiculous!

witchofzog · 01/12/2017 08:38

The husband is being way over the top. He sounds like a bit of an idiot to be honest. You apologised. What more does he want? And as for texting your husband rather than you. I have no words. Was he hoping your dh would tell you off like a child or something?

iMatter · 01/12/2017 08:39

Not sure why she was bringing an ill baby to a party with lots of other babies.

Massive overreaction by them.

Drop and run.

Original poster
Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:39

No explanation for them showing up early - I can only assume she mistimed the journey...

OP posts:
RadtoShayer · 01/12/2017 08:39

They sound very odd and OTT. He will calm down in time?! Grin Confused

Perhaps if the baby is so ill she should have kept him at home or not turned up half an hour early. What would she have done if you weren't in?

You need to stop apologising to these people, as they appear to be on some kind of power trip.

Sensimilla · 01/12/2017 08:39

I would have to send the husband a message too, telling him to get a grip

DontbouncelikeIdid · 01/12/2017 08:40

Sounds like a massive over reaction. If the baby was well enough to be going out to a party, then surely 10 minutes outside while presumably wrapped up well is going to do no harm at all. They sound bonkers!

FrancisCrawford · 01/12/2017 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/12/2017 08:41

He sounds awful. Was she driving or using public transport? Could it be that the only bus she could get would get to yours early?

And why was she bringing an ill baby to a gathering where there were lots of babies?

SilenceIsBroken · 01/12/2017 08:42

Why is the DH getting involved? You already apologised, what does he want, a public flogging? Ridiculous.

IceFall · 01/12/2017 08:42

Well I’d have let them in, shown her the kitchen and kettle and told her to make herself at home whilst I got ready.

But I get a lot of people wouldn’t be comfortable with that.

It was very cold yesterday tho!

Her and her DH were total pricks to keep banging on about it and it would put me off being friends with them. Too much like hard work.

expatinscotland · 01/12/2017 08:43

She brought an ill baby to a party with other babies? I'd dump her for that alone, but factor in her silly overreaction and her drama llama husband and I'd cut contact with them entirely.

Original poster
Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:43

Public transport but we're in London so there's no issue there. To be fair she is quite new to London and I think she's still struggling with getting around

OP posts:
123rd · 01/12/2017 08:43

As PP wrote, why is she bringing her poorly baby out? Can't be that ill surely if mixing with other babies wasn't going to be a problem
Totally ott in their actions.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/12/2017 08:43

If she was waiting outside with no car in the cold then I agree it would have been nicer to invite her in.

CecilyP · 01/12/2017 08:43

You’ve done nothing wrong, so stop apologising. Her fault for being so early. You could have actually been in the shower or even in the bath, you could have been at the shop getting the last few bits. If her baby was that unwell, she should have stayed home.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/12/2017 08:43

She turned up before you were ready (rude behaviour on her part), so she should have known there was a chance she'd be asked to come back.

If she wasn't happy with that, she should have managed her time better.

At this point, you're just pandering to them now; you've apologised enough and they're still being dicks. Just tell them to fuck off and don't invite them again.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 01/12/2017 08:44

DOes the husband know she turned up half an hour early?? Very OTT reaction. In your shoes I would have been annoyed but I would have let her in and popped her in the lounge on babysitting duty while I got ready. Having said that we’ve not been allowed in to a family member’s house before when the normally 2 hour drive took 1.5 hours so we arrived early. It was a nice day so we weren’t bothered, just baffled. I don’t think you can do much more really. They sound very precious and uptight - just wait for the dust to settle.

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