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AIBU?

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Original poster

Party guest showed up early...

465 replies

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:32

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 01/12/2017 08:44

I would have to send the husband a message too, telling him to get a grip

In my version it would be "Are you on glue?"

user1488622199 · 01/12/2017 08:45

Yikes - talk about precious first born Hmm. Please don’t apologise again, I think you have done more than enough. That man is ridiculous.

tinysparklyshoes · 01/12/2017 08:45

The baby was ill so should have been at home. And your mistake was apologising at all, let alone several times.

That said, I would have let her in and gone and had a shower. Because even though she was entirely in the wrong my own sensibilities would not have allowed me to refuse a guest entry, no matter how inconvenient.

Innocentbystander01 · 01/12/2017 08:45

😂 why are you taking this shit from them.

He has no words well I would have three for him "off you fuck".

You tried to do a nice thing and she turned up early, it's her fault not yours and it's not like your best mate or sister turning up early you already said you don't know her that well.

Maybe if her baby is so ill she shouldn't be dragging him round in the cold and risking giving other young babies his germs just before Christmas.

Stand up for yourself.

Trills · 01/12/2017 08:46

Your mistake was in replying to the message.

I was in the shower = not looking at messages.

Showing up 30 minutes early is a silly thing to do - there are many reasons you might not be available. You might have made a last-minute dash to the shops.

TheEricaOlthwaiteGang · 01/12/2017 08:47

I would have let her in and I can understand her feeling pissed off at being turned away but yes total overreaction on their part now.

LittleWitch · 01/12/2017 08:47

You could have been out - nipped to shops for milk or something. What then? Bizarre response. Drop them, not least for the fact that she was bringing a sick child to a gathering of other small children.

sooperdooper · 01/12/2017 08:47

How bloody ridiculous of them, I wouldn't invite her again

You could've perfectly reasonably not even been home 30mins before everyone was due to arrive

Don't apologise again, they're both nuts, I'd distance yourself from the loons

ferntwist · 01/12/2017 08:47

YANBU. They are thinking only of themselves. Very selfish. The husband is totally over the top.

Nikephorus · 01/12/2017 08:48

If she was using public transport & there was only 1 bus etc. and it would arrive early then she should have contacted you in advance to check that turning up 30 mins in advance would be okay, not just rocked up. That was bad manners on her. And bringing an ill baby - more bad manners from her.
She only had 10 mins to wait and either the child should have been well wrapped up anyway to manage public transport (with all the waiting around that involves) or she'd have been in a car and could have returned to it. (Unless she got a lift in which case she shouldn't have got out of it without checking that being 30 mins early was okay).
In none of these scenarios have you done anything wrong OP. Just don't invite her again. (And warn the others!! Grin)

AlternativeTentacle · 01/12/2017 08:48

Why are you falling over yourselves to apologise.

'She was early, I was having a shower after 6 hour powercut getting ready to host a gathering. In future, perhaps just arrive on time? I am not responsible for making parenting decisions about your child. Get a grip'.

ferntwist · 01/12/2017 08:48

P.S. doesn’t everyone know it’s as rude to be that early as it is to be very late? Not done.

DivisionBelle · 01/12/2017 08:48

OK, you were over-wrought: if they were on foot, it would have been ok to just let them into the front room while you got ready. She shouldn’t have arrived 30 mins early, but waiting in the freezing cold was a bit much. In future, hospitality in an in-vacuumed home is better than no hospitality Wink . Parents of babies can afford not to put up the perfect front, house-keeping-wise!

However, her DH sounds batshit. And I would be WILD if my DH presumed to speak on my behalf or complain as if I were a child.

They are dysfunctional. I can see that a poorly baby breathing cold air is s concern, but really. Be polite, but keep at arms length from now on.

If she was in a car: she was warm etc.

Some people get anxious about driving to new places and arrive ridiculously early, but that is for them to deal with.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/12/2017 08:49

"Because even though she was entirely in the wrong my own sensibilities would not have allowed me to refuse a guest entry, no matter how inconvenient"

Same here, especially given how cold it was yesterday. Also, I am a bit of a people pleaser.

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/12/2017 08:49

She was early but she didn’t have a car and you wouldn’t let her in?! Sorry but that’s nuts. It was bloody freezing yesterday. Just open the door in your towel, say ‘I’m so sorry please get comfortable’ and bugger off to shower! I would have just missed out on the shower frankly.

Obviously they should just accept your apology and move on but I can’t really believe you did that to a ‘friend’.

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 01/12/2017 08:50

Turning up half an hour early is as rude as arriving half an hour late. It'd annoy me big time. Her husband sounds like a lunatic.

RiotAndAlarum · 01/12/2017 08:50

Don't apologise any more. They're enjoying it too much. This sort of person is very bad news.

May I recommend Chekhov's short story Death of a Civil Servant/ Bureaucrat. You'll see why, when you read it!

Deemail · 01/12/2017 08:50

Stop apologising, if they contact you again stand up for yourself.
The woman was very early and had a sick child in tow. She needs to accept responsibility for her part. You've already done your part over and over, almost the point of begging.
You were doing a nice thing hosting everyone and didn't cancel when the sh1t hit the fan that morning. Don't allow this pair to take the good out of your lovely day.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/12/2017 08:50

Am I the only person on here who doesn't think that turning up half an hour early is rude?

QuackingHell · 01/12/2017 08:51

I have Mum friends. We are normally half an hour late Wink cut them off. Ain’t nobody got time for guilt from other mums! There’s enough Mum guilt all of its own without adding shitty friends to the pile. Tell her and her dickhead husband to bugger off. Just told my DH about this and he said “it’s her fault for coming early and she’s a grown woman who shouldn’t need her husband to interfere and sort out her friendships for her.” If my friends DH text my DH about crap like this, he’d laugh for a week and then tell me I should probably cut the weirdos loose!

MyKingdomForBrie · 01/12/2017 08:51

She could have been out but she wasn’t out. She was inside in the warm and refused to open the door to her so called friend. Yes she shouldn’t have arrived early but come on, shit happens.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/12/2017 08:51

Am I the only person on here who doesn't think that turning up half an hour early is rude?

Of course it's rude. How isn't it rude?

ShatnersWig · 01/12/2017 08:52

We've only known each other a few months and I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel

Are both perfectly reasonable stances to take as to why the OP didn't want to let this person in their house, MyKingdom

mummarosie1 · 01/12/2017 08:52

These people are difficult and will cause further problems in the future, can't believe her husband got involved but actually then involved your husband by not contacting you directly.

YANBU, don't apologise any more.

givemesteel · 01/12/2017 08:53

She is a twat and her dh is an even bigger twat for getting involved over something so minor. If her baby was so ill that a 10 minute walk was a big deal she shouldn't have brought him. With half an hour to go you might not have even been in.

I would drop her as a baby friend, life (and maternity leave) is too short. But I don't where this group of friends is from (eg NCT) as she could be telling people her side of the story, so you don't want to be the one excluded, esp as you did such a nice thing by hosting. I'd follow up with another meet up with some of the others to get them on your side. Sounds pathetic but she's obviously got a bitchy side.

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