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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party guest showed up early...

465 replies

Fizz190 · 01/12/2017 08:32

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
chocolateorangeowls · 02/12/2017 20:53

I think she is a dick for bringing an ill baby to a gathering with a load of other babies. I’d write back demanding an apology for her. For all she knew you could have been out at the shop etc at that time anyway!

PiffleandWiffle · 02/12/2017 21:48

It's obvious OP, next time make sure you write the following on the invite:

"Party is at 3, but feel free to turn up whenever you like. Key is under the doormat, please come in & make yourselves at home if I don't answer the door in 30 seconds. Cash is in the drawer by the phone, car keys are in the kitchen cupboard & sex toys are upstairs."

Or you could just do what normal people would do & ignore the freaks....

Dianag111 · 02/12/2017 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lololove · 02/12/2017 23:26

I wonder if she/her husband would apologise if any of the other children at the gathering fall ill with her babies nasty cold?

If he's too ill to be outside for 10 minutes - he's too ill to be mixing with other children!

AnnaT45 · 02/12/2017 23:42

I couldn't be friends with someone who can actually turn up somewhere early with a baby! Why isn't she running around covered in sick with greasy hair like the rest of us?!

In all seriousness she sounds like hard work and a bit of a drama llama. If the kid was that ill stay at home or say can we come in as he's poorly. Just because you've got kids the same age doesn't mean you'll be friends! I'd sack her off

Tini17 · 03/12/2017 05:53

Why is she bringing a sick baby to a group of other small babies?
I’d stop apologising (she was early, what if you had popped out for last minute something?) and ask for an apology for spreading germs and putting your and others at risk of catching stuff.

Fadingmemory · 03/12/2017 06:07

Punctuality is being on time, not half an hour early. If anyone arrives at a social gathering that amount of time ahead they should go for a coffee, walk round the block or whatever. An ill baby shouldn't be taken anywhere there are other babies. Your "friend's" husband completely over-reacted. You have nothing to apologise for. The other couple has indeed blown the whole thing out of proportion.

Purplealienpuke · 03/12/2017 07:52

I'm imagining this drop in temperature did not happen while the mum was en route to OPS house. The guest was arriving by public transport. She should have been savvy enough to dress herself & her (sick) child for the weather!! If OPS house had been another 10mins from the bus stop she'd have been outside for another 10 mins! There is no such thing as bad weather just ill judged clothing!!
It's not your fault you had a power cut. It's not your fault she was early. It's not your fault her child is ill!! She definitely is unreasonable bringing an unwell child to a gathering of babies!!
You apologised. That should have been the end of it. Her husband is a bamradge of the highest order 😲 I'm surprised your husband didn't respond to his message with a FUCK RIGHT OFF LOON !!
Move on now. If she makes things awkward then maybe it's time for some new friends??

DNAwrangler · 03/12/2017 08:03

So did she come back after ten minutes and sit for twenty minutes with you in awkward silence? Or did she go away and return half an hour later with everyone else?

strugglingtodomybest · 03/12/2017 08:24

Great summary OP. I agree with everything you've written.

WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 03/12/2017 08:27

How was the night out, OP? Was anything else said?

mammmamia · 03/12/2017 09:25

Yes good summary OP you sound very balanced and reasonable! How was she with you on the night out?

chocdog · 03/12/2017 09:33

They are nuts.
At least you know that now.
That's the thing with mum friends. You bond because you all have a baby but a few months on you realise that some of them are not people you could ever really be friends with.

LoniceraJaponica · 03/12/2017 09:47

Great response. I hope you had a good night out.

nannykatherine · 03/12/2017 11:08

if you have a sick baby with chesty problem you dont take them out in the cold especially to someone else's house to infect everyone else's baby

Mrsdraper1 · 03/12/2017 11:20

What if you had been out ffs? What a pair of knobs.
Don't invite again and stop apologising.

TittyGolightly · 03/12/2017 11:37

if you have a sick baby with chesty problem you dont take them out in the cold

Cold, damp air is one of the best things for a chest infection.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 03/12/2017 18:07

How did last night go OP?

HolyShet · 03/12/2017 18:23

Hope your evening goes well
My analysis
-husband is a controlling scary person - his messaging at all, let alone his tone just plain weird. To the extent that I might feel quite worried about your friend.

  • seriously no harm could have come to them pottering about for half an hour let alone ten mins
  • where you went wrong was answering her text - you might have still been out/you could have feigned ignorance as she was so early
  • I would have let her in whilst I got ready tbh - but then I am a convert to scruffy hospitality
Loobyloo51 · 03/12/2017 19:48

Totally unreasonable response. She was way to early (think etiquette here). Husband is an ott **head, and i wouldn't bother with them. I have grandkids now, this time round (as opposed to mine at same age) i would be more assertive & tell her she's the one out of order bringing a sick child out.

tinypop4 · 03/12/2017 20:49

Even if 'cold damp air is one of the best things for a chest infection' it still isn't appropriate to take the baby to a party where there are other babies who could catch it.

Freshme · 04/12/2017 11:20

OP, all this could have been avoided if you didn't take the phone in the bathroom with you, then you'd have had no chance of looking at the message(though Whatsapp wouldn't show it's been viewed if you've seen it in preview, you actually need to open its own window for that). In the future if you are in a mad hurry put your phone away and don't get distracted by it! Was your baby asleep while you had a shower or did you have to take it with you?

Anyway, totally yanbu :)

bimbobaggins · 04/12/2017 11:31

I also think you apologised too much. I’m early for most things but it’s my choice to go early and I usually sit in a quiet street until the time and would never dream of turning up early.
They have got an absolute cheek for the continued going on about it .
Don’t apologise again and if anything deflect it back to them that she shouldn’t have turned up so early

AndyChis · 04/12/2017 12:21

Why the partner got involved? My suspicion is that when this was relayed to him, two key facts may have been 'accidentally' omitted.

  1. That she had turned up half an hour early.
  2. That you had already apologised.
Trinity66 · 04/12/2017 12:30

I mean you probably should have invited her in to wait but still, it's not as big a deal as they're making out (the husband in particular) It's actually embarrassing how OTT they are being about it, you apologised that really should have been enough. And I also hate when people turn up early when you're trying to get yourself and the house ready.

Also, just to echo what someone else said, why would she bring a sick baby into to house with not sick babies, that's more of a reason for people to get annoyed imo

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