Party guest showed up early...

[Fizz190]

Hi all, first post here but I'm looking for some objective opinions!

I recently hosted a party for a group of 8 mum friends and their babies. We've only known each other for a few months and it's the first time I've done anything like this so I put myself under a lot of pressure. I spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying the house the day before, and baked a cake and some brownies. The morning of the party I had planned to vacuum and do a few last minute bits and pieces around the house as well as baking some scones. Everything went wrong though as I had a power cut and had no electricity and no hot water for 6 hours so I had to rush around doing everything at the last minute (whilst entertaining my 6 month old baby) . I ended up getting ready for a shower half an hour before people arrived - I was in a total panic by this stage. At this point I got a message from one of the mums saying she was outside my house - half an hour early. I don't know her well enough to be comfortable to answer the door in a towel so I sent her a message apologising that I was just getting in the shower and I'd be 10 mins max. She said she'd go for a walk.

When she arrived back I apologised again, explained I'd had a nightmare with the power cut and all seemed fine. After the party she messaged to say thanks and I immediately took the opportunity to apologise again. She replied saying how hard it had been for her to have to stay out in the cold as her little boy is ill. I'd completely forgotten he was poorly (my bad) so apologised again and said I hoped he was OK. She accepted my apology and I thought that was the end of it.

The next night my husband received a message from her husband expressing how upset he was at how I'd treated his wife and child. My husband and I were both baffled by this. He sent a quick apology and I then messaged them both with a very long apology acknowledging that I should have remembered that the baby was ill and that I really hadn't intended to upset anyone. I made no excuses at all and said I'd hope they'd both forgive me. The husband replied saying that his wife had forgiven me but that he had "no words" and that he'd "calm down in time".

I feel that this has been blown way out of proportion and I've gone from feeling bad about upsetting them to feeling quite angry that he hasn't accepted my apology.

I'd really genuinely value people's thoughts either way. Am I in the wrong here?

For context the baby has been to the doctor and it's been confirmed that it's probably just a cold but that he does have a bit if mucus on his chest which might need antibiotics.

Thanks all.

My mum (who lives in a state of chaos and hoarding) has a mantra....” they come to see me, not the house. If they don’t like the house they don’t have to come”. I wouldn’t have left her outside, but equally I wouldn’t have run round the house clearing up for a whole pile of people/kids to come and mess it up. People come to see me, if they don’t like the fact that I didn’t hoover before they arrived, they don’t have to stay or come back. And I’d die of embarrassment if my husband ever text another husband about an incident like this.

And I’d die of embarrassment if my husband ever text another husband about an incident like this.

I know right? How odd and cringey

Wow I get annoyed with my DH for not standing up for me but I’m talking about major family fall outs.... just wow! I don’t think I’d even mention the situation to DH, let alone get him to text friend’s DH!

Don’t apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong, she shouldn’t have turned up half an hour early without checking if it was ok first.

You’re better off without such drama queens in your life, don’t invite her to anything in future x

Wow she sounds like a bit of a princess! I would cut her off I really would! High maintenance!!! x

I remember once having a problem getting into our house. I had two young children and asked a neighbour if they had a wire coat hanger I could use to work the lock. She said I would have to wait as her dgc were eating. She left us out in the freezing cold. I said nothing then or afterwards but I won't go forget what a bitch she was to do that.

Hi all,

Night out passed without incident, she was very pleasant throughout and neither of us mentioned it. Luckily her DH stayed in the car when he collected her as by that point I'd had a few vinos and would probably have reacted badly if he'd been shitty!

NumberEightyOne - would it have made a difference if she'd later explained there'd been extenuating circumstances and apologised? Genuinely curious.

Oh and as a general update, 4 babies and 3 mums have since come down with colds (including me and my little boy). Might have got it anyway, but...

Thanks for the update. I think you just need to put it behind you now and move on.

LoniceraJaponica

Agreed! Thanks for all the input folks!

You saw her again?

If her baby was so.ill why was she bringing it to a party to infect everyone elses babies?

Oh well go back for more op.

NCT groups can get a bit fraught in this way. Still, as a perpetually early person (although I would not turn up half an hour early if there were other options like the pub) I would rather that than 2 hours late, which was more the deal with my NCT group! We used to have
meet ups where I was into my third hour in the café and simply couldn't drink any more coffee and they'd get arsey with me when I wanted to leave, because they'd just got there...

I think you were fine OP, If I turned up early to a friend's house and she answered the door in a towel obviously rushing and stressed to get ready, I'D be the one apologising for being early and of course I'd go to cafe for 30 mins or something. This couple sound like anxious, easily stressed people. I can't fathom dwelling on such a silly thing to the point that I complain to the host later and my DH contacts the host's dh to complain! They are letting you know that they are very rigid, high maintenance people. I'd definitely distance myself in future.

You're both BU.

Yes being early isn't ideal, but making someone with a baby wait outside in the freezing cold is just shit, regardless of their time keeping.

Similarly they shouldn't have made QUITE such a big deal, but I can see why the husband would be pissed off.

Yes of course. Had there been a reason why she left me outside and apologized, that would have been fine. I know she had every right to not let me in to her home but there's something about having a door shut on you when it's cold and you have young dc with you that's really upsetting.

Think a few people missed the point - OP did let her in but had to keep her waiting 10 mins as she was getting in the shower which was perfectly reasonable given that she was so early! If you want to stick with this group, OP, I guess you'll have to tolerate her if she & her DH are always so previous, it'll become apparent to the others before too long.....

I dont understand why her husband had no words towards his thick shit of a wife who thought it fit behaviour to take a sick baby out in the freezing cold on public transport in the first place or why the op invited her seeing as the baby was ill.