DH wants to try for DC5 in case it's a girl.

[wonder1ng]

I'm 37, DH is 42 and we have 4 boys (7, 5 and non-identical twins just turned 3). So two in school now and the twins go to a nursery playgroup 9 - 12.15 on 3 mornings a week.

My AIBU is that I know DH would love a girl and he's now talking about going for DC5 as "you only live once." Obviously, he knows there are no guarantees, but he claims he would be happy with another boy anyway.

I feel conflicted about it because I'm just starting to get some time back now the twins are in playgroup. I worry if a fifth child would mean I'm spreading myself too thinly - e.g. when we go on holiday, I'd like to be able to do things with the boys we have rather than always being in the sideline "holding the baby." Also I worry about added financial pressure on DH with the school fees and everything else (though he claims it won't make much difference) and while I know some families who have 4 DC, I don't know any who have 5!

AIBU to say 5 DC might be a step too far and DH should just accept that he has 2 nieces and focus on them?!

[BrutusMcDogface]

Slowly- she said "non-identical" twins. No, it isn't possible to have b/g identical twins.

[BrutusMcDogface]

(I'm writing as someone who is accidentally pregnant with number 4, and terrified. My dp knows I'll be the one doing all the hard shitwork, not to mention pregnancy/labour/breastfeeding when all of that was finally behind me)

You both need to agree, but you certainly have the final word as it's your body.

[Grimbles]

What would happen if you did have a girl? Would she turn into daddies little princess and have an impact on the way he treated the boys?

It does happen!

[wonder1ng]

Thanks for those stats - I had read something similar. I don't think I could cope with another set of twins. Well, I would cope, but I would worry about the impact in the elder DC.
Yes I would love a daughter obviously, but I'm not sure if this is because DH keeps telling me I would or if it's how I actually feel, if that makes sense.

[surferjet]

Go for it!
If you can afford another child then why not?
I can’t see how one more will make that much difference tbh. It’s not like you’re going from two dc to five.
I’m at the stage now where my youngest is almost leaving home. That sick empty feeling is terrible, & I know when it’s just me & dh I’ll feel my life is kind of over.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

Identical twins are the result of the fertilised egg splitting in two and separating, so there's no way you could have a boy & girl pairing.

Fraternal twins are usually the result of polyovulation, so two separate eggs fertilised by two different sperm.

Since OP's twins are fraternal there is a strong chance of having more twins. (There are a lot of twins pairs in our family history - 22 going back to 1600s. They always skip a generation and the twins themselves do not have twins... )

[Ceesadoo]

Imo, you are not being unreasonable. You couldn't pay me enough to try and manage 5 kids, especially when I'd just reached a point where I was getting a bit of me time back. It's all very well that your DH can afford another kid, but he's not the one looking after her (or quite possibly him) full time. I agree, tell him to enjoy his nieces.

[BrutusMcDogface]

Surfer- how many dc have you got?

[AnnaAlyce]

Would gender selection IVF abroad be an option for you at all? Someone I know who has 4 boys in the same pattern as you (2 boys then twin boys) was desperate for a girl and went abroad to have gender selection and is now having a girl.

It sounds as though you are comfortably off financially so although pricey it might be within your budget?

[surferjet]

BrutusMcDogface. Four.

[Allthewaves]

Personally no I wouldn't. Your just getting your own life back a bit. In couple of years your going to be able to take all the boys to.do fun stuff on days out.

[onalongsabbatical]

If you can afford another child then why not?
Because having children isn't just about money?

[ReanimatedSGB]

How much housework/childcare does he do at present? I am always suspicious of men who already have a lot of children and keep pestering for more - it's quite often for reasons that are harmful to the woman in question. Either he's hung up on demonstrating what a magnificently effective penis he has, or he likes the idea of you permanently pregnant and permanently dependent on him, too busy looking after all these DC to ever have any thoughts of your own, any time to yourself, any interests outside homework.

[Whatsoccuringlovely]

Hi op we have 5. 3 lads and twin girls now aged 28,27,24 and the girls 18.

It was full on and hectic but you manage.

however you both have to want it and I must say the scan revealing a girl and then being told there were 2 girls was utterly terrifying and wonderful in equal measure.

We felt like the waltons in public though and everyone has something to say. You do become public property with more than the norm 2/3 kids.

[wonder1ng]

Anna - do you know which countries do gender selection?
I think DH has convinced himself that we're bound to have a girl next. He adores the boys obviously, but I think he's got this idealised concept about a girl. He is hands on with the kids when he's here, but he doesn't fully get the relentlessness of it. I feel 50/50 about the whole thing, partly because I worry about him being disappointed. I would be quite happy to adopt actually, but not sure about him.

[spiderlight]

This reminds me of what I can only describe as a minibus parking next to me in a supermarket once. The side door opened and out came six boys of various ages from teen to toddler, and then the dad reached in and lifted out a baby girl in the pinkest fluffiest dress I have ever seen! It was a cute little scenario and someone had obviously really wanted a girl, but no way would I do it!!

[TheNoodlesIncident]

The thing is, if you did have another baby and it did turn out to be a girl, would your boys end up feeling that they just weren't good enough because they weren't girls? I'm thinking of your DH perhaps making a big deal over finally getting a girl, but even if he doesn't would you be able to reassure them?

But really, the most important aspect is: do you actually want another baby? which might turn out to be two

[RaquelWelch]

School fees for five!!!! That doesn't bear thinking about! If you can afford help then I suppose five won't be much worse than four

[Nyx1]

mad

doesn't sound like you want to and it's your body.

also tell him not to whine when the child can't get work due to all the competition and overpopulation!

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

'If you were to have identical twins, they would most probably be same sex (Id b/g twins are very rare)'

Laughing my head off at the poster that put this. How the hell can anyone think boy/girl twins could possibly be identical?

It's like saying unicorns are rare 😂😂

[cooldarkroom]

Indeed, & what if its twin boys again ?

I think the planet has too many people on it already

[Pannacott]

In your shoes I'd only go ahead if it was gender selection ivf type thing like Annalyce said. Check out the website 'gender dreaming', people will have info there.

Your DH is daft if he thinks you'll get a girl next naturally.

[TimothyTaylor]

If you were to have identical twins, they would most probably be same sex (Id b/g twins are very rare)

What does this mean? You can't have identical boy girl twins!

[chiaseeddisapointmentagain]

That's just too many.